Chapter 190

With everything happening, I felt like I needed a break from the drama. I really needed to get back to studying. So, after making Asher promise not to look at Lamar’s website without me, I went to the library.

Aimee and Nicole met me there. Asher must have told them about what happened. Other than asking me if I was okay and offering to accompany me to the bathroom so I was never alone, they did not bring up my assault, for which I was thankful.

I didn’t want to think about it now. I wanted to try to focus on some semblance of normalcy, and get my life back on track.

I was nervous without Asher beside me, but Aimee and Nicole’s presence helped. They vowed not to leave me alone until Asher came to pick me up at the end of the day.

Yet even with their presence and the safe familiarity of the library, I struggled to concentrate. In any lingering moments of silence, memories of my trauma flashed back into the forefront of my mind.

“Look here,” Aimee said, the first time she noticed the blood drain from my face. “Why don’t we talk about this section?” She tapped her finger on a bit of text. “I can read it aloud.”

Even quietly, so as not to disturb anyone else in the library, talking helped. “I’d like that.”

Aimee gave me a sad little smile, and read the section aloud.

Later, Nicole was the one to notice my quickened breathing and the way I wrapped my arms around myself.

“Aimee, why don’t you explain this bit here?” She passed her book toward Aimee, who took note of a highlighted block.

“I’d be happy to,” Aimee said.

Even with their help, I still had trouble staying in the moment. Yet, only because of their help, I was able to retain anything at all.

“We might have to review this again tomorrow,” I admitted, feeling somewhat defeated.

“We’ll go over it as many times as needed,” Aimee said.

“I don’t have any other plans,” Nicole agreed.

They were good friends. Their kindness and support comforted me.

Around dinnertime, Asher appeared to pick me up. I wasn’t ready to be walking around at night yet so he came well before sunset.

After saying goodnight to Aimee and Nicole, Asher and I went to a restaurant, ordered some takeout, and took it back to his dorm room.

Since Asher and Lamar shared a dorm, I shivered a bit returning through the doors. But I had been here so many times before I’d ever met Lamar, that I was able to suppress the ugly feelings and hold onto the better memories instead.

We sat at Asher’s small table and ate our dinner.

“We don’t have to look at the website tonight,” Asher said, even thought that had been our plan for the evening. “We can do literally anything else. Whatever you want to do.”

God, that was tempting.

But running away and hiding myself in ignorance might only lead me to more heartache.

“We have to find out what Lamar meant about Joseph,” I said.

“I can look into it

by myself,” Asher offered.

I shook my head. “I need to see. I need to know.”

“Okay.”

We ate the rest of our dinner in nervous silence. Then Asher collected our plates and brought them to the sink. As he begin to wash them, I knew he was stalling. Probably for me, giving me more time to prepare myself.

I headed to Asher’s desk and turned on his desktop computer.

Asher finished the dishes quickly and joined me as I opened a web browser. I typed in the website address that Lamar had given us.

The website was totally private – just a black screen with two boxes to enter a login and a password. Using the info I’d written on the note, we logged in.

A load screen took only a few brief seconds, and then a web forum popped open on the screen. It had no title or banner. But it did have several dozen threads, all labeled with women’s names.

I clicked on one at random. My jaw dropped.

Images loaded, one after the next. Racy photos and sex videos. All of one woman, presumably the name on the thread.

I gasped. I felt like I was intruding on something private. I immediately wanted to click away.

“Wait.” Asher stopped me, his hand over mine on the computer mouse. “Read what it says here.” He pointed to the screen.

She’s agreed to pay $50 a month to keep these photos secret. Think we can get more?

The next post replied, Take that bitch for all she’s worth. If she’s stupid enough to trust you, she deserves what she gets.

“What is this?” I asked.

“I have a bad feeling,” Asher said. “Check another thread.”

I backed out of that thread and clicked on another. It was similar.

A third didn’t have any racy photos, only nice selfies of a smiling girl sitting outside of a dormitory.

Someone wrote, This is the next target. Her dad has big $$$.

The more we searched, the more obvious it became: this was a secret club on campus that manipulated girls into sexual situations, captured photos and videos, and then blackmailed the girls.

Beyond the threads of the girls’ names, there were others for discussing tactics of seduction and manipulation, as well as tips for how to set up the camera to get the most provocative shots.

I felt sick to my stomach. Was this what Lamar had hoped to do to me? To what end? I didn’t have any money to give them for blackmail.

A search bar at the top of the page called to me. I placed the mouse cursor there and typed my name.

“Cynthia, don’t,” Asher said.

“I have to know.” I clicked enter. And I found the thread with my name.

After clicking on it, the first thing I saw was the photo Lamar had taken of our first kiss. I scrolled by it, hoping Asher hadn’t seen. He didn’t say anything if he had, though his body tensed, arms flexing ever so slightly.

Lower on the page, a few comments appeared from Lamar’s username. In them, he had agreed to perform sex on me, whether I’d been willing or not.

I’ll make this happen. She trusts me now. It shouldn’t be too difficult.

I tasted bile in my throat.

Asher touched my cheek, drawing my attention away from the screen.

“He’s in jail, Cynthia. He can’t hurt you anymore.”

I forced myself to listen to his words, to take them in and push them down to the fearful parts of my chest.

I was safe. Lamar was in jail. Asher was here. Nothing could harm me with him around.

“Okay?” he asked me.

“Okay,” I said.

We turned back toward the screen.

“Scroll to the top,” Asher said. “Let’s see how this whole thing started.”

I did as he asked, rolling the mouse wheel until we reached the first comment of the thread.

In the very first post, under a smiling picture of me, the text read, This bitch has something that belongs to me. She needs to learn many lessons. I’d do it myself but she knows not to trust me. I need someone else.

Underneath, Lamar had volunteered. She’s cute. I’ll take the job and plan to enjoy it.

Good, said the initial poster. I looked at the screenname and my stomach dropped down to the floor.

He hadn’t even tried to hide himself. His screenname was his own name, proud and unashamed.

Joseph.