Chapter 19

The guy who had asked for my number must have felt the glare freezer-burning into the back of his head. The minute he spotted Asher, he excused himself and dashed away.

With that guy gone, Asher’s gaze returned to me. His eyes softened marginally, still icy but not the total blizzard he’d given the guy.

Nicole looked between them. “Friend of yours?”

“Something like that,” I mumbled.

“He must be special to you.”

Surprised, I faced Nicole.

“You look at him like he hung the moon,” Nicole said, smiling.

Cheeks burning, I shook my head. “It’s not like that. He’s best friends with my brother. That’s all.”

Nicole hummed, but didn’t press.

When I looked back to where Asher had been, he was gone.

“Want to head home?” Nicole asked. I hoped she hadn’t seen my face fall.

“Yeah,” I said.

Outside, the cool night air washed over me, and I took a deep breath.

Why had Asher looked at that guy with such anger? Was it because of me?

No, I knew he couldn’t have been jealous. That wasn’t possible. Most likely, he’d thought I was being reckless again. Did he think I would hop into bed with just anyone?

Why wouldn’t he? He always seemed to think the absolute worst of me. This wouldn’t be different.

I exhaled, slow and deep.

“What’s your brother’s name?” Nicole asked. She might just have been making conversation in the quiet, but I was incredibly grateful for it. “Are you close?”

“His name is Dylan,” I said. “And yeah, we’re pretty close. He’s always looked out for me, even when we were kids.”

“That’s nice,” Nicole said, a touch of sadness lilting her voice. “I admit I’m a little jealous.”

“Do you have siblings?” I asked.

“No, I’m an only child. It gets lonely sometimes. I wish I had a big family.”

I shook my head. “Being a younger sister is not as easy as you might think. My parents constantly compare me to the rest of my family. Sometimes it feels impossible to live up to their expectations.”

“I guess the grass is always greener on the other side,” Nicole said. “But I still think you are lucky to have Dylan.”

I couldn’t argue with that. Even if the rest of my family was too harsh, I was incredibly fortunate to have such a caring older brother.

We turned a corner when suddenly, Lilith whispered in my mind, “Someone’s following you.”

I subtly glanced behind us and noticed a dark car making the same turn, following slowly with its lights turned off. Near impossible to see, the car was black. Only its hood ornament gave it away, now that I knew to look.

An Aston Martin.

Asher.

My heart warmed as I realized he was making sure we got home okay. He was protecting me, even after we had argued.

Or he was continuing to not trust me to make it on my own. He probably thought I’d veer off-course and go somewhere other than home. Like to hook up with that guy from earlier.

Maybe both things were true. Asher could be trying to protect me even as he didn’t trust me.

My feelings waged war within me. My head hurt trying to figure it all out.

“You okay?” Nicole asked. She hadn’t noticed our tail, and I didn’t point it out.

“Yeah,” I lied, and we continued back to the dorm.

For the next few days, I received more texts from Joseph.

I’m begging you, Cynthia.

I’m so sorry.

Please talk to me.

I read each and every one as they came in, but I did not reply.

Tonight, the message said, Give me a chance.

Clicking off the screen, I left my phone on my bedside table and pulled my blankets over my head.

I tossed and turned for what felt like hours. When sleep eventually found me, I only slept a little before something roused me.

The room was quiet and dark. Nothing outward had appeared to disturb me.

Maybe I had a bad dream? If I did, I couldn’t remember it.

Then, as I opened my mouth to breathe, I sobbed instead. Inexplicably, I began to cry in earnest.

Guilt and sadness took turns carving into me. Everything hurt.

Maybe it had been a bad dream after all, but when I tried harder to remember, I only thought of Joseph.

I didn’t want to keep ignoring Joseph, but I hadn’t wanted him to hurt me either. How could I ever trust him again?

My body trembled with the force of my tears.

This strong reaction had to be related to my pregnancy hormones again. They made me feel everything so strongly.

I tried to think rationally. But the more I tried to wrangle my emotions, the harder they fought me.

I pushed my face into my pillow, biting back my sobs. How long would this feeling last? Would I ever sleep again?

But then, suddenly, I felt a gentle push inside of me, almost like the baby had kicked me, in its own tiny way.

Was the baby reacting to my thoughts of Joseph?

Was it trying to tell me something? Did it actually want Joseph as a father?

I covered my waist with my hands. I begged softly for another kick, another sign that I was right.

I would do anything for my baby. If it wanted a father… even if it was Joseph, how could I refuse?

I waited. And I waited. And when I felt nothing more, I cried.

In the gymnasium for the next cheerleading practice, I struggled to lift my kicks as high as they needed to be for the routine. Even with Lilith’s protection, my flexibility seemed to be compromised.

I tried again, later in the routine, another kick. But no matter how hard I forced my leg up, it could not get high enough.

My performance was getting worse, even since last week. Even since yesterday.

Not for the first time, doubt crept into my mind. It felt worse now, since the baby had started making its presence known. And I still hadn’t recovered fully from my crying episode the night before.

I continued trying, kick after kick, but it was no use. I was getting worse.

Maybe it was time for me to give up, like Asher wanted.

The dark thoughts hovered above me like a cloud.

Eventually, the practice drew to a close, and none of the other cheerleaders would look me in the eye. The coach praised each of them by name. When he got to me, he frowned.

“Stay after, Cynthia,” he said. “I want to talk to you separately.”

Heart sinking, I wanted to dig a hole and crawl into it. Since I’d joined the squad, I’d always been one of the stronger cheerleaders. I’d worked to keep myself at the top.

But now, I was slipping, hard and fast.

I fought down a growl. I was so angry with myself, so frustrated. No matter what I did now, my body wouldn’t listen. I should be able to do those kicks.

Coach waited for everyone else to disappear into the locker room before he approached me, clipboard in hand. He looked at the paperwork, rather than my face.

“I don’t know what’s going on with you, Cynthia,” he said. “But we both know you are not performing your best. I’ve seen your best. You are so much better than this.”

“I’m sorry, Coach.” I didn’t know what else to say.

I couldn’t tell him the truth, and I didn’t want to make up some lie. Coach was in a position he could verify if I told him I had an illness or a dead relative.

Besides, what had that faculty advisor said when I talked to her on the phone?

At Lunarhaven Academy, we only want students who can solve problems.

Coach looked at me then, frowning. “Whatever’s going on, you need to snap out of it.”

“I-I understand,” I said, voice beginning to crack.

“Do you?” He lowered the clipboard to his side. “Cynthia, if you don’t start doing better…”

Don’t say it. I wanted to beg but I kept the words to myself. Maybe I needed to hear him say it.

Maybe I deserved it.

“If you keep this up, you’ll fail the midterm evaluation.”

My heart splintered into pieces.

He was right.

I was going to fail, and there was nothing I could do about it.