Chapter 189

Asher and I, hand in hand, walked into the police station. After identifying ourselves at the front desk, we waited in the lobby while Lamar was being taken into a holding cell to speak with us. Once he was there, a policeman escorted us to meet him.

Lamar looked small in his beige prison attire, hands cuffed, and sitting behind a metal table. His shoulders were slumped. He hung his head low, chin down to his chest.

He appeared pathetic and weak, but seeing him in any capacity still made fear shiver through my veins.

Only Asher, squeezing my hand, gave me the courage to fully enter the room and sit at one of the two open chairs on the other side of the table.

The third seat, presumably, was for Asher, but he chose not to sit. Instead, he stood behind my chair, protective and watchful.

Lamar waited some time before looking up at me. When he did, he only held my gaze for a few brief seconds before looking away.

“Cynthia…” he started, stopped. He took a shaky breath before continuing. “I’m sorry for what I’ve done.”

“Like hell you are,” Asher snarled. “You’re just sorry you got caught.”

Lamar sunk further into himself.

I cleared my throat. “I don’t accept your apology, Lamar. Nor do I care to even hear it. I have my own questions to ask.”

He shifted in his chair.

I inhaled a long, slow breath, preparing myself. “Were we ever friends?”

Lamar, eyes of the ground, simply shrugged.

Disappointment panged in my heart. I didn’t know exactly what that meant, but I had a feeling it wasn’t good.

I tried again, with different questions. “And the attack? What prompted it? Have you been planning it from the beginning?”

Each question earned me only a deepening frown.

I quickly realized he wasn’t going to answer any of my questions. My stomach twisted in disgust. I didn’t want to look at him anymore.

“I want to leave, Asher.” I rose from the chair. Asher placed a hand on the small of my back.

“Wait,” Lamar said. “I asked them to bring you here so I can tell you something. I have to tell you…”

“It better not be another worthless apology,” Asher said.

“It’s not. Cynthia…”

The pleading tone of his voice had me glancing back at him. He had a desperate kind of look in his eye.

“You need to be careful with Joseph,” Lamar said.

I straightened in surprise. Joseph? What did he have to do with anything?

“He’s more dangerous than you know,” Lamar said.

“I thought you weren’t friends,” I said.

“We are and we’re not. We’re in the same group.”

Asher pressed his hand more fully against my back. “What group?”

“Write this down,” Lamar said.

From my purse, I retrieved a scrap of paper and a pen. As Lamar dictated, I wrote down a website address, a username, and a password.

“Go to that website, and you’ll understand everything,” Lamar said.

“This better not be another game,” Asher said, a threat in his voice.

Lamar insisted. “Go there and see for yourself.”

We left the police station and returned to Asher’s car in the parking lot. We’d been quiet since Lamar’s cell, not saying much more than thank you to the police, and nothing to each other.

Lamar’s words kept running through my mind. What could he have meant? What could be on that website that would explain everything?

What terrible thing was the father of my child involved in now?

“I’d like to take you somewhere,” Asher said suddenly. In the quiet of the car, his voice surprised me, bringing me out of my own spiraling thoughts.

I trusted Asher implicitly, so it was easy for me to say, “Okay.”

I relaxed into the comfortable passenger seat as Asher drove us out of the city. I recognized the route, and the eventual, small parking lot he took us to.

We’d been to this scenic overlook before. It was a special place just for us. Our spot.

Asher gave me a barely-there smile. “Want to escape for a while?”

“Yes.”

I exited the car and met him in front of it. We walked along the path through the trees until we reached the outcrop overlooking a majestic view.

Asher held out his hand and I took it. He led me toward a park bench and we both sat down.

For a time, we watched the beauty of nature in silence. The birds sang in the trees. The gentle breeze rustled the leaves. I closed my eyes, and inhaled the fresh scent of oak and pine, and the touch of leather from Asher beside me.

Asher released my hand and wrapped his arm around the back of the bench, behind my shoulders. I leaned into him, soaking up his warmth.

I listened to him breathe for a while, before he spoke.

“Whatever we find on that website, it is going to be… heavy. I feel like we only know the tip of the iceberg of what Joseph is really into. But, no matter what we find…”

His voice tapered off, so I lifted my gaze to his.

His eyes were soft on me, and calm like a summer’s sky.

“I’m here for you, Cyn. You are safe, no matter what we see. I’ll never let them hurt you again.”

He was genuine. His words were heartfelt. I believed him.

Yet… nothing could erase the hurt in our recent past. The harsh words said on both sides still burned a brand onto our relationship that would not be so easily healed.

Things between Asher and I were fragile at best. Irreparable, at worst.

He knew that as well as me.

“I hurt you…” Asher began.

I wasn’t sure I was ready for this conversation. I didn’t know if I’d ever be. “Asher…” Still, I didn’t stop him.

“I said things that hurt you,” he said. “I pushed you away. My reasons don’t matter. It only matters that I caused you pain. And I am so, so sorry for it.”

I stayed quiet. His words lifted some of the weight off my chest, but not all of it. We had so many problems to work through.

But an apology was a very good place to start.

I curled further into him, tucking in against his shoulder. He rested his chin on top of my head. His arm dropped down to my back.

I felt so thoroughly safe and protected. And my heart, which had hurt for so long in Asher’s absence, began to slowly mend.

“I’ll do whatever it takes to make it up to you,” Asher said. I felt the words rumble in his chest. “No matter how long it takes.”

I wanted to believe him, but it would take time. It would take effort and determination. He’d have to be persistent in his compassion and in his patience.

But, knowing Asher, he’d take that as a challenge and strive to see it through.

“You are important to me, Cynthia. In ways I can’t put into words.”

The words warmed my heart. For the first time in a good long while, I felt myself smile. It was weak and didn’t last. But that it had existed at all felt like a miracle.

“I trust you,” I said, “but we can’t immediately have what we did before. I’m not sure if we can ever be like we were.”

“So we won’t be like we were,” he said. “We’ll make us into something better.”