Chapter 179

The next morning, I dedicated entirely to my studies. I had finally made it through the entirety of one of my textbooks. Tabs and highlights marred every single page. Though I surely didn’t remember everything I had read, I felt confident in my general level of knowledge on the subject.

The practice test reflected that, and for the first time I passed, albeit with the lowest possible passing grade.

But passing was passing and I felt victorious. There were other books to memorize and other practice tests to take, but my confidence had never flown so high.

Later in the afternoon, I set my books aside and dressed in warmer clothes, getting ready for Lamar’s soccer game. I wore long pants and a cardigan, but worried it would only get colder, I grabbed the softest looking sweatshirt I could from my closet and slipped it on.

Then I walked to the stadium.

The crowd wasn’t as large as it had been for the football game, but the student section was just as rowdy and boisterous. In fact, possibly more so. They seemed to have chants and cheers prepared for every scenario.

Many, I noticed with extremely mixed feelings, included Joseph’s name.

I had clapped along with the other cheers, but decided not to for those ones.

Lamar had a few of his own, however, and I eagerly cheered those.

I didn’t follow soccer, so I didn’t know much of what was happening. Instead, I followed the cues of my fellow students.

Even being confused much of the time, I was enjoying myself. The air was chill but fresh, and standing as I was inside a big crowd made me feel like I was a part of something, a feeling I’d missed since I left the cheerleading squad.

“You alright?” said a familiar voice from beside me.

I glanced over, straight into the blue eyes of the man I loved.

“Asher.”

“You looked really far away, just now,” he said.

The student that had been beside me shifted away, making room for Asher, who slid comfortably into that newly opened spot.

“Oh. I guess I just missed being part of a team,” I said. “I went from having people around me all the time, to not having anyone.”

“You have me,” he said.

It was kind of him to say, but it wasn’t the same as being part of a team. And even if it was, I didn’t really have him at all, did I?

I let what he said hang between us, unanswered, and instead I tried to focus on the game.

We stood side by side, so close our shoulders brushed. I shivered.

I pulled my sweatshirt more fully around me, only noticing now how big it was. Just which sweatshirt had I grabbed anyway?

It occurred to me at once, with a rising sense of dread. This was Asher’s sweatshirt.

Maybe he hadn’t noticed.

I chanced a sideways glance, peeking at him out of the corner of my eye.

He was staring right at the sweatshirt, a tinge of red on his face. It must have been from the cold.

Immediately, I tried to take the sweatshirt off. “Sorry. I grabbed it by accident. Let me return it.”

He stopped me, a hand on my shoulder and one on my arm. “It’s keeping you warm.”

“Yeah, but…”

“It can be there when I can’t,” he said.

My heart soared and my cheeks warmed. I should not have felt this way with Asher, I was supposed to be trying to move on from him. But when he talked like that… When he was so near…

I couldn’t help myself.

I stopped trying to remove the jacket, and he let his hands fall away from me.

My body was instantly colder without him.

To distract myself, I asked, “Have you heard anything new from Irene?”

He glanced around us. Then he said, “The investigators are still going through the lab. She has so many files, which is good for us. She’s smart, too. From the start, she’s been planting false leads in case something like this might happen.”

“But they have…” I lowered my voice. “My blood.”

“That’s worrying, of course, but because of Irene’s actions, you are only one of many potential suspects. They have a long list to go through before they even get to you, and even when they do, they can’t act without proof.”

“Right.” I couldn’t tell him that particular reassurance didn’t make me feel better, since he didn’t know I accidentally made apparitions of him. If he knew… I wasn’t sure what he would do.

I sighed.

He nudged his shoulder into mine. “I’ll protect you.”

“I know,” I said. He turned to look at me, like he didn’t believe me. I supposed I was being pretty shifty.

“You can talk to me.”

I shook my head. “Things aren’t magically better between us, Asher. Even with everything that’s happening. You still hurt me… I can’t just forget that.”

“I understand.” He looked back at the game. “Do you want me to move to a different spot?”

Did I? No. Should he probably move anyway? Yes.

Was I going to tell him to go?

“No. Stay here. I want to give you your sweatshirt back, after.”

I purposefully did not mention the leather jacket of his that still hung in my closet. I should have given that one back as soon as we broke up, but I had no intention of doing so. Maybe I could return it someday, when my feelings weren’t so strong.

When it didn’t mean as much.

“Whatever you want, Cynthia,” Asher said, eyes on the game.

A comfortable silence fell between us. I cheered when the crowd cheered, except for when they cheered for Joseph.

I kept stealing glances at Asher beside me. He was so handsome. He could be a model or a movie star. I wondered what he actually wanted to do for his future.

How was it that I never really asked him?

“Asher,” I started to ask now.

The crowd suddenly roared, and I lifted my hands to clap automatically.

Asher gripped my wrists, stopping me.

I looked at him with a raised brow.

“Joseph just scored,” he said.

Oh. He must have noticed me avoiding those Joseph-specific cheers and knew I wouldn’t want to clap for him.

“Thanks,” I said.

His lips twitched in an almost-smile.

His hands were still on me, his thumb pressed up against my pulse point. Could he feel how fast my heart was beating, looking at him?

His gaze met mine, icy eyes unreadable.

How I wish I knew what he was thinking. Did he miss me at all, like how I missed him?

A muscle ticked near the corner of his jaw. His thumb traced a small circle on my skin.

“Asher,” I said, but I didn’t know what else to say. Did I want him to stop? Could I let him keep going?

Without a word, he removed his hands from me and lowered them to his sides.

Instantly, I wanted them back.

“Asher,” I said again, leaning into him. I could feel his warmth, even through my layers and his. He was like a living furnace.

For a moment, Asher leaned into me, too, like he was eager to share his warmth. His scent. His everything.

But then he stilled. He pulled away.

I tried to follow him.

“Careful,” Asher said.

I was entirely entranced, unable to understand the warning.

“He’s watching,” Asher said.

I turned my attention down to the field, where one of the players was looking up at me from the sidelines.

Lamar.