Chapter 172

Nancy shifted her weight, stepping into my view of the intimidating investigator. When she shifted again, he was no longer looking at me. Instead, he was listening as Nurse Irene spoke to him.

I exhaled in relief. I must have only imagined that he seemed like he was going to come over. I definitely didn’t make up his gaze though, and fear shivered through me, remembering it.

I tried to play it cool, but I was rattled. It came out in my voice when I said to Nancy, “I’m only here because I got a text saying my boyfriend was hurt.”

Nancy’s eyes widened. “Is Asher okay?”

I huffed a soft laugh. Nancy made the same mistake I had. “It’s not Asher.”

Nancy gave a strange look, and I realized I hadn’t told her about Lamar.

“I’m seeing someone else,” I said.

She blinked. “Someone… else?”

Just then, Lamar appeared, walking down the hallway. When he spotted me, he rushed over.

“Hey,” he said, sliding up beside me. “I’m glad you waited. I was hoping we could walk back together.” He glanced at Nancy, then, who was watching him with a furrowed brow. “Oh, uh… Hello.”

“Lamar,” I said. “This is my cousin Nancy. She’s a nurse here. Nancy, this is Lamar, my…” I almost said boyfriend, but that didn’t feel right. “The guy that I’m seeing.”

Lamar’s wide smile wavered slightly, but he held out his hand and shook Nancy’s when she took it.

“Pleasure to meet you,” Lamar said.

“Yes…” Nancy seemed less sure. “Forgive me, I’m just surprised. Cynthia hasn’t mentioned you.”

“Sorry,” I said, though I wasn’t sure which of them I was apologizing to. Both, probably.

“There’s another nickel.” Lamar grinned at me.

I frowned.

Nancy looked between Lamar and me. “How long have you two been seeing each other?”

“Not long,” I said, just as Lamar said, “A while.”

“I... see,” Nancy said. “Well, I should get back to my duties. And I’m sure you two want to head out.”

“Yeah. Nice meeting you.” Lamar turned his back to her.

Behind him, Nancy mouthed, Call me. She wanted the full story, no doubt.

I didn’t blame her. The last time I had called her was when Asher and I were checking if it was safe for us to fool around. Now, I was suddenly showing up with another boy? I had a lot of explaining to do.

I said my goodbyes to Nancy and followed Lamar to the exit.

The three investigators were gone from the nurses’ station. I didn’t know where they went but I’d hoped it was far away from me.

Nancy had been right to worry. I had been reckless to just show up here. I’d been so worried about Asher that I hadn’t even considered my own safety.

I had to be more careful in the future.

Lamar and I walked side by side down the sidewalk, headed back to campus. My legs were tired so I moved much slower than before. Lamar wordlessly kept my pace.

He’d stayed silent for much of the way. This made me a little nervous. Lamar was usually a talker.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” I asked him. Maybe the punch had given him a concussion. They surely would have checked for that at the hospital.

“I’m thinking.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Why didn’t you tell your cousin about us?”

“I suppose it didn’t come up. I don’t talk to her all the time.” I shrugged. “Plus, we’re just dating, right? We’re not serious.”

He hummed. “Maybe we should be.”

I stopped walking.

Lamar did too, and turned toward me. “I want to put a label on us, Cynthia. I want to give us some kind of commitment.”

We’d teased the terms girlfriend and boyfriend before, and had gone out on several dates, but technically, we weren’t going steady.

I liked it as it was. I wasn’t ready for anything more. Lamar had to know that.

Lamar caught my expression and sighed. “Think about it. Today wouldn’t have happened if you were my girlfriend. If we had the label, then Asher would have had to accept my place in your life. He’d back off for sure.”

I shook my head. “I don’t want to be in a relationship just to spite Asher.”

“It’s not just that… Heck, I wouldn’t bring Asher into this at all except to make a point.” He reached toward me and touched the curve of my cheek. “You have to know how I feel about you.”

I stood perfectly still as he brushed a stray hair behind my ear. It was a nice romantic gesture. I should have enjoyed it more than I did. As it was, I waited for it to be over.

Slowly, he lowered his hand. “I saw your face when you came into that hospital room, Cynthia. You had fear in your eyes. Admit it, you were worried sick about me.”

I’d been worried sick about Asher. I had thought Asher the one who was hurt, not Lamar. If I had known it was Lamar… I still would have worried, but I wasn’t sure it would have been so all-encompassing.

Of course, I couldn’t tell Lamar that. Despite how guilty it made me feel.

Asher was my past. Lamar could be my future, if I let him.

I just wasn’t ready.

“I’m not ready for that commitment yet, Lamar. I’m sorry.”

His bright smile dimmed. “Another nickel,” he joked.

“This isn’t a frivolous apology,” I said. “I want to be ready for a relationship but I’m just not. I know that hurts you –”

“I’m not super thrilled about it, no, but you don’t have to apologize.” He pushed a hand through his hair. “I know it’s not your fault. You are only doing what your heart is telling you. And I would never force you. But can you at least consider it?”

“Lamar…”

“Not just for me, but for yourself. Your feelings for Asher are holding you back. I know you love him, but… hasn’t he shown you how unpredictable and dangerous he is? How can you still hold a candle for someone like that?”

I couldn’t explain it, not without defending Asher and hurting Lamar further.

“I told you from the beginning that I’m not unattached,” I said. I worried my hands together. “You said before that you understood, but if that’s changed, I won’t hold it against you.”

“Unbelievable.” Lamar threw his hands up, anger striking him again. “You are still defending him even now, after what he did to me.” He began pacing.

I didn’t understand the changes I’d seen in him lately. Before he’d been so carefree and accepting of me and my baggage. He’d said he would wait for my feelings. He wouldn’t try to rush.

Yet here he was, pushing and pulling, demanding I correct the way my heart leaned when he knew full well I had no control over it.

I had begun to develop a mating bond with Asher. That wasn’t just going to go away, no matter what he might or might not have done.

“It’s not like that,” I said, to defend myself. Everything was complicated. I didn’t know how to explain it.

I wasn’t ready should have been enough to stop this conversation.

But Lamar was fired up, like he couldn’t fathom my side of things.

He stopped his pacing to glower at me.

“Cynthia, how can you continue to love someone who would attack the person you are dating?”