Chapter 17

After the hockey game, I followed the other cheerleaders onto campus for a brief practice. After, I showered and changed into my day clothes in the locker room.

The other cheerleaders were talking excitedly about going to the hockey team’s after party at the athletes’ dorm.

Nicole sat beside me, reapplying her dark makeup in her compact mirror. As she penciled in her heavy eye-liner, she asked me, “Are you going to the party?”

Honestly, I just wanted to curl up under my covers for a while, but I knew if I did that, I would only think about Asher. Asher would be at the party, probably, but he wouldn’t be the only one. I might not even see him with how many other people were going.

Plus, I could distract myself there in a way I couldn’t at home.

I really didn’t want to think about Asher anymore.

“Are you going?” I asked Nicole.

She nodded. “Sounds fun.”

“Okay.” Since Nicole was going, I would too. I wanted to be better friends.

We both finished getting ready. Nicole wore mostly black with a skull motif on her shirt and boots. I had a simple gray skirt and a polka dot blouse.

Together, we walked to the party.

“I like your outfit,” I said, noticing that the little skulls on her shirt had cat ears.

“Thanks.” She laughed. “My parents hate it. You should have seen their faces the first time I went full goth. I was grounded for a week.”

I tried to imagine what my parents would say if I donned dark clothes and makeup. Likely, I would receive a lecture for disappointing the family. Again.

“Our families sound pretty similar,” I said.

Nicole hummed. We walked down the sidewalk in silence for a bit, before Nicole abruptly asked, “Have you ever had sex?”

I stumbled over my own feet but righted myself before I could fall. “W-why do you ask?”

She shrugged. “My family says girls can’t have sex until after they’re married. I was wondering if our parents were the same in that way too.”

My family was conservative. They wouldn’t exactly be thrilled if they knew I’d had sex. Though I imagined that my getting pregnant was what would really bother them. If I’d been more careful, they probably would not care at all.

“No,” I said. “My family doesn’t care what I do, so long as I don’t embarrass them.”

“Ah.” Nicole kicked a rock off the sidewalk. “So you’ve had sex then?” Her mind seemed stuck on this question, and it made me self-conscious.

“Does it matter?” I twisted my fingers together. Did Nicole not want to be my friend because I’d slept with Joseph?

“I’m just curious,” Nicole said. “Sometimes I feel weird for wanting to wait. Like, maybe I should just go for it to see what it’s all about.”

“No,” I said at once.

If I had waited, then I wouldn’t be pregnant, and I wouldn’t have had to deal with any of the stress of the past few weeks. My life could have continued on as planned.

Now I had a baby and a slew of problems. And I only had a few memories of the actual act, mostly of Joseph panting against me like a dog. He hadn’t been very considerate of my pleasure.

“It’s not worth it,” I said. “You should wait if that’s what you want.”

Nicole gave me a small half-smile. “Thanks, Cynthia.”

I returned the expression, feeling closer to her than I had before.

Shortly after, we entered the athlete’s dorm and followed the loud music to the party in the lounge.

The room was packed with people laughing and drinking. The rest of the cheerleaders were already there, mingling with some hockey players and other people I recognized from campus.

Instantly, I spotted Asher among the crowd, but I quickly looked away. Tonight wasn’t about him. I was determined not to give him any attention inside my mind or out of it.

Nicole and I settled at the edge of the crowd, alongside the wall near a set of tall windows.

“I’m going to duck out for a quick smoke,” Nicole said, rummaging through her purse for a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. “I’ll be back in a few.”

Watching her leave, I leaned against the wall. I’d planned on staying there, but a couple of cheerleaders spotted me and called me over to the drink table.

I hesitated. I’d told Nicole I’d wait for her, but I’d already made so much trouble for my fellow cheerleaders. If they wanted to include me socially, I couldn’t turn that down.

If they liked me, they might be more willing to forgive any future mistakes I would have to make to protect my baby.

“Come on, Cynthia,” one of them said. “Don’t be a wallflower.”

I forced a smile and joined them. I’d merely said hello when someone passed me a plastic cup.

“What is this?” I peered down at the foaming golden liquid inside.

“It’s beer,” a cheerleader replied, hitching her thumb at a nearby keg.

“Oh.” I was no expert on babies, but I knew well enough that I couldn’t drink alcohol while pregnant.

There were other drinks on the table beside us, all in similar cups. I noticed some were being filled from a water jug.

I stepped closer to the water cups. If I could switch mine with one of those when no one was looking, then –

“Surely you’ve had a beer before, Cynthia,” Elena said, suddenly behind me.

I startled, nearly spilling my beer. As I recovered, I wished I’d dropped it. But by the time I thought it, it was too late.

“Careful,” Elena smirked. “It’s just a drink. It won’t bite you.”

The others laughed.

I faked a laugh too, trying to fit in. “Y-yeah, of course. I know that.”

“Well, go on then,” Elena said. “Drink it.”

They all stared at me, waiting.

I couldn’t drink this, but if I refused, they would want to know why.

What could I do? Could I pretend to drink it and spit it back into the cup? Would they notice?

I squeezed my eyes closed. I felt trapped.

Suddenly, the cup was plucked from my hands.

I blinked open my eyes, and Asher was beside me, holding my drink. He sniffed it then frowned.

“You guys are drinking beer?” he said with clear distaste. He usually withheld emotion from his voice.

Elena tensed, clutching her own drink with both hands.

One of the others pointed back to the keg. At Asher’s growing frown, she lowered her arm.

“What are you drinking, Asher?” another asked.

Asher tossed my beer cup into the trash and lifted his own drink, a non-alcoholic soda.

Perfectly in sync, the others’ eyes all widened in surprise.

One whispered to another. “You drink alcohol at a party, don’t you?”

“Yeah, but if Asher isn’t doing it…” the other whispered back, glancing down at their own cup. Then she discarded it on the drink table, unfinished. “Where’d you get that soda, Asher?”

He nodded toward another drink table near the opposite wall. “Whole lot of them over there.”

“Come on, girls,” said one of the cheerleaders. One by one, they discarded their beers and headed towards where Asher had directed. Elena hesitated a moment, before she too followed the rest.

When they’d all gone, Asher placed his soda into my hands. “Is this you being careful?”

“I wasn’t going to drink it,” I told him, defensive. “I would have thought of something.”

“The words you are looking for are ‘Thank you.’”

This time, he didn’t wait for a reply. He walked back into the crowd, leaving me alone with his opened soda… and my guilt.

Asher had protected me again. I should have at least said thank you.

Still, even with that regret, I couldn’t help but be relieved.

Asher would keep saving me, with or without my thanks.

I sipped at the soda. The fizzy bubbles tingled my tongue.

Only then did I realize I had drank from the same bottle as Asher had. Our lips had touched the same bit of glass. Wasn’t that like an indirect kiss?

Face burning hot, I shuffled back to the wall to wait for Nicole, as promised.

Thoughts of Asher – of Asher’s mouth – plagued my mind.

Ug, how was I ever going to forget him when he was so irresistible?