Chapter 163

Lamar hadn’t done anything wrong exactly. Saying goodnight and sending me on my way was a perfectly fine way to end an evening.

Yet I felt oddly… put out. Dismissed, almost.

I had foolishly thought that by suggesting I wanted to go home, we would leave together and get the chance to talk one on one. A lot happened tonight. I still didn’t fully understand why he would dismiss the hockey team.

It almost seemed like he was taking orders from Joseph.

Lamar had said he was hoping to maintain the peace. There could be truth to that, especially with the way Joseph was carrying on.

I wanted to hear his explanation and then tell him what Joseph had done and what he’d threatened, but I couldn’t do that in front of a crowded room.

The fault was mine, I knew that. I should have asked for exactly what I wanted, but it never occurred to me that I would need to.

Asher always walked me home at night. No matter what we had been doing. No matter how close or how far the walk. Asher would make sure I made it to my door safely.

Lamar must not have felt it was necessary.

Asher could be overprotective, there was no question. But I guessed I’d grown accustomed to having him watch out for me. I liked knowing I’d always be safe.

Now, with that comfort missing, I felt the Asher-shaped void in my life even more acutely. Lamar, simply by being a different person, could never fill that hole.

I could have reclaimed Lamar’s attention and asked him to walk me home now, but I felt too embarrassed. Besides, Lamar seemed to be enjoying himself again, laughing with those around him. How could I ask him to leave his own party?

Everything will be fine, I told myself and headed for the exit.

Everything was fine.

I arrived to my room without incident, albeit with my heart beating faster in fear. Alone, I’d seen shadows where there were none and villains around every corner.

I really missed Asher.

I chided myself at the thought. Lamar was good. Great, even. A nice guy with a friendly smile. Hadn’t I promised myself to focus more on him? I needed to leave these thoughts of Asher behind.

After changing into my pajamas, I stood in the center of my room and tried again to conjure a projection of Lamar. I’d gotten some good looks at him tonight, so I felt confident that I could make his apparition appear correctly this time.

I closed my eyes and thought of his face: his smile, his freckles, his hazel eyes, the curve of his cheek, the slope of his nose. I had studied him as he talked all night, preparing for this moment.

In my mind, I crafted a near-perfect image of Lamar. Then I pushed it forward, out of my head.

I opened my eyes, and immediately exhaled in relief. An apparition of Lamar was standing before me.

His edges were fuzzy and his color was too gray. But it was him, more or less.

Focusing, I tried to strengthen the image and truly bring it into focus. Yet the harder I tried, the more the apparition wavered, until finally it entirely fizzled and another figure replaced it.

The figure of Asher.

His lines were strong, his color rich, and the glow lit up my room like a Christmas tree. He was perfect, and beautiful, and –

Ug! I was supposed to be concentrating on Lamar!

Mentally, I cut the tether binding the apparition and it disappeared.

My foolish heart! Why did it insist on continuing to hurt me?

Even if Asher had never said the things he had. Even if we hadn’t argued so fiercely as to break up. We were still incompatible as a couple. Asher wanted me sexually, not romantically. My mating bond was unrequited.

Though he was a good friend, he would never be my soulmate.

I had a nice guy now, who liked me and was patient with me. And here I was, letting my wayward heart ruin everything by holding onto someone who would never love me.

No, I couldn’t allow that. I had to keep trying with Lamar.

I could be a good girlfriend to him, if I applied myself.

What would a good girlfriend do, if she had left her boyfriend’s celebration party early? If she hadn’t been as supportive as she should have been?

A solution came to my mind.

Sweet treats.

I didn’t have the supplies for anything fancy.

Cakes required lots of ingredients and brownies needed a specific mix. But I remembered, down in the communal kitchen on the dorm’s first floor, someone had donated their leftover chocolate chip cookie supplies, free for anyone to use.

I threw a sweater on over my clothes. No one in the dorm would care if I walked around in my pajamas, especially at this time of night, so I didn’t bother changing. I just stepped into my shoes and headed downstairs.

In the communal kitchen, I whipped the ingredients into a batter. I stirred them in a mixing bowl with a large wooden spoon, when my phone buzzed with a text message on the counter.

It was well after midnight by now. I couldn’t imagine who would text me. Lamar, perhaps? He was a night owl. Maybe he wanted to talk, after all.

Holding the bowl with one arm, I unlocked my phone and checked the text.

When I saw the sender, my hand froze.

Asher.

I should ignore it, right? Or delete it without looking?

Instead, I opened the text.

You get home okay?

My heart squeezed so tightly in my chest that I gasped from the sudden pressure.

Even though we were fighting and we’d broken up, Asher was still looking out for me. He couldn’t walk me home himself, so he checked on me the only way he was able.

I knew I should reply. I didn’t want him to worry. Was he worrying?

But in that moment, all I could do was hug that mixing bowl like it was a lifeline.

How silly, to cry into cookie batter, in the middle of the night in an empty communal kitchen. But that was what I did.

I squeezed my eyes shut and wished for all the world that things had been different between Asher and me. That he cared for me in the way I wanted. That he supported me.

That he loved me.

With a shaky breath I opened my eyes again, then nearly jumped out of my skin.

The glowing apparition of Asher stood beside me in the kitchen.

“Don’t cry,” Asher’s apparition said.

I dropped the mixing bowl. It collided with the floor, and the batter splattered all across the tiles.

Frantic, I searched in my mind for the tether of this apparition. I immediately sliced it, and Asher disappeared. Then I slunk against the counter for support, legs feeling weak.

How did this happen? How could I have been so careless?

If anyone had seen that projection, I would be in a world of trouble.

Forcing my legs to move, I checked around the common room, but I was still alone. No one had seen, thank God, so I likely wasn’t in danger this time.

But that this had even happened at all felt like a dire omen.

The Asher apparition had projected completely accidentally. I hadn’t even thought of doing it!

That it was created in this empty room was trouble enough, but what if it happened again, when I was somewhere more public?

Fear speared through my chest.

If someone sees…

If someone reports me…

If I couldn’t control my projections, I would end up in that research facility for sure.