Chapter 160

Asher, cup in hand, turned from the drink table and saw me. He stilled, eyes widening for just an instant. Then, his gaze fell to where I held Lamar’s hand.

Instantly, I released Lamar. Lamar glanced at me, confused, until he spotted what I was looking at.

By then, Asher had looked away. He veered to his right, away from me and into the crowd. I could still see him, his profile and his windswept dark hair, even as he moved to the other side of the room.

“Oh, shit. Sorry, Cynthia,” Lamar said.

I dragged my gaze away from Asher to watch Lamar’s smile soften in apology.

“I really hadn’t thought he’d come. This is a party for the soccer team. I can count on one hand how many of us he actually likes.”

A party for… the soccer team?

Oh, no. Did that mean Joseph would also be here?

The blood drained from my face. Asher, Joseph, and Lamar in the same room? Suddenly, staying home and studying seemed like the perfect evening, compared to this.

“We just won a big game. I was going to tell you, I like the thought of you cheering for me, but I know you are working hard for the transfer exam. So I figured we could celebrate now.” He tilted his head. “Is this okay? Should we go?”

Lamar appeared nervous, like I might want to leave. If this was a celebration for a big win, he’d undoubtedly wanted to stay to celebrate with his team. What kind of person would I be if I made him leave?

This was part of me changing for him. I had to be less selfish. He wanted to stay, so we would stay.

I could deal with Asher and Joseph.

Somehow.

For a while, I did okay. I stuck by Lamar’s side like glue, not even letting my eyes travel far for fear of who I would see.

As the evening wore on, and Lamar shared the same story of his game-winning pass for the tenth time, I felt my attention stray. I looked out over the room for only a moment. It was long enough to find Asher, and he was looking right back at me.

I glanced away. Lamar approached a different person and began telling the same story. My eyes wandered again.

Asher was looking at me.

This time, he looked away first. My chest ached.

A little while later, as I finished my cup of water, I noticed Lamar’s drink was getting low too. I snatched his cup from his hand.

“Refills,” I explained, and he nodded. He was in the middle of talking, so I excused myself without further commotion, and made my way to the drink table.

Too late, I realized that’s where Asher was too.

I paused in my step. I couldn’t go back to Lamar empty-handed. If he thought I was letting Asher’s presence get to me, he might offer for us to leave again. If he asked a second time, I wasn’t sure I would say no.

But I would regret it in the morning.

No, I could deal with Asher. I was just going to refill our drinks. The encounter would take a minute, at most.

Gathering my strength and courage, I lifted my chin and sauntered to the table, filling the empty space at Asher’s side.

He must have noticed me, but he didn’t falter as he snapped off the cap to a bottle of beer.

I reached for the pitcher of water and poured some into my empty cup. Every single one of my nerves tingled in awareness of Asher and his closeness. I ignored them all as best I could.

Until Asher said my name.

“Cynthia. How are you?”

“Fine,” I said at once. Too quickly, maybe. Then, to avoid being rude, I said, “And you?”

“I’ve been better,” he said.

I wanted to ask for details, but I couldn’t. Asher wasn’t anything to me anymore. We weren’t even friends, per his suggestion.

Our values were too different.

Bullshit.

I’d stopped filling my water halfway. Internally, I cursed myself for my distraction and continued pouring.

“Is Lamar treating you alright?” Asher asked.

“Yeah,” I said, and then hated how unconvincing I sounded, even to my own ears.

Lamar was great. Just because things between us didn’t match up as perfectly as I would have liked didn’t mean our relationship wasn’t doing well.

Granted, I wouldn’t have had to even try to mold myself around Lamar if Asher hadn’t wrecked everything by being so unsupportive and controlling and –

I cleared my throat. Anger itched under my skin. “Lamar treats me very well. He’s very considerate of my decisions, unlike some people.”

Asher turned toward me. “Cynthia. If you weren’t so stubborn, you would realize that I am trying to protect you.”

I turned toward him too. “Protect me from what, Asher? Being happy? Achieving my dreams?” Realizing I was still holding the water pitcher, I lowered it down to the table with a thunk.

“From being hurt,” Asher said. “You can’t spend your whole life dreaming. Eventually you will have to face reality. I wanted you to face it sooner rather than later, so you wouldn’t get your hopes up too high.”

Hurt tangled with fury, clawing inside of me. “Even now, you are still trying to put me down.”

“I’m not,” Asher said. “Being unable to pass the transfer exam does not make you any less wonderful, Cynthia.”

My thoughts screeched to a halt. …Wonderful?

I immediately chastised myself. Focus! This is backhanded compliment. He’s actually insulting you!

“Things will get more difficult, the further along the pregnancy gets,” he said. “If you focus on getting set up now, then it will be easier –”

“Easier for who, Asher?” Before he could answer, I barreled forward. “It’s my choice. It’s my life. But instead of being supportive, you… you…”

I breathed out a weighty exhale. What was I doing? Why was I arguing with Asher? What was I hoping to achieve?

We were talking in circles, the same arguments again and again.

He must have sensed the defeat in me, because an urgency sparked in his eyes. “Cynthia, don’t do that. Yell at me if you have to, but don’t look so –”

“Is there a problem here?” Lamar asked. He placed a hand on my shoulder. He probably thought he was anchoring me with support, but I really wished he would remove it.

I didn’t say anything though.

Asher glared at Lamar, but Lamar seemed unfazed.

“You should focus your energy elsewhere, Asher,” Lamar said, tone friendly. “Cynthia is dating me now.”

Asher’s glare became a frosty glower, but Lamar’s smile stayed steady. Eventually, Asher dropped his gaze away.

“I’m sorry to have ruined your evening,” Asher said. “If you will excuse me.”

Dropping his opened drink on the table, he shifted away from us and pushed through the crowd, heading for the exit.

My body stepped forward before I realized it, like it wanted to give chase. Lamar’s hand on my shoulder tugged me back.

Lamar didn’t say anything about it, and neither did I. Eventually, I said I had to go to the bathroom and retreated there.

I splashed cold water on my face. The ache in my chest throbbed in time with my pounding heartbeat.

The things Asher had said…

Did he truly think he was looking out for me by being so hurtful?

I shook my head. It didn’t matter. He was still in the wrong, and still hadn’t apologized.

I had to forget it. All of it.

Wasn’t I here to push Asher to the back of my mind and focus on Lamar? I could do that still. Asher had clearly left, so now Lamar and I could really concentrate on having fun.

Okay. Yes. Having fun. I could do that.

Determined, I pushed through the bathroom door and looked for Lamar among the crowd. When I spotted him, my confident steps faltered.

He was talking to Joseph.