Chapter 159

“You shouldn’t have to change to be with someone,” Aimee said

I disagreed. If I didn’t try to change myself, I would always only think of Asher. I liked Asher’s protectiveness, his jealousy, and the way he slid his arm possessively around my waist. But those weren’t necessarily good qualities, even if I liked them.

Lamar wouldn’t do things like that. So I needed to adjust.

What was so wrong with that?

Yet when I explained all this to Aimee, she only frowned deeper.

“It’s okay to like the things you like, Cynthia, and to not like the things you don’t. Dating is about comparing notes with each other, seeing if your likes and dislikes match up. If they don’t, it’s no hard feelings.”

“But there’s compromise, too,” Nicole chimed in. “Maybe if you talked to Lamar about the things you like and don’t like, he could make a few shifts to the things he does, too.”

“Maybe,” Aimee said, but didn’t seem convinced.

I wasn’t so sure either. What, was I supposed to ask Lamar to be more possessive of me? He would hate that.

It was me who had to change. Lamar was a good man, and I had no good reason to not want him. I had to fix myself and make this work.

“You aren’t giving Lamar a chance, Aimee,” Nicole said. “Sometimes I think you’d prefer Asher.”

“No,” Aimee said. “Not if he never even made an effort to fix this…”

I went very still.

Aimee noticed immediately. “Cynthia?”

Crap. I didn’t want to tell them, but with all the lies I’d told in the past and how it had hurt them, I couldn’t do that again.

“Asher…” I sighed. “He came over last night.”

Aimee and Nicole immediately straightened.

“What?” Nicole gasped too loudly. The librarian shushed her from across the room.

“He wasn’t going to apologize,” I said. “I don’t know what he wanted. We ended up arguing until Lamar showed up.”

Aimee’s shoulders slumped. “He didn’t tell you… anything?”

“Nothing that made a difference,” I said.

Aimee sighed.

“But now he knows I’m dating Lamar,” I said. My chest began to burn.

“Maybe that’s for the best,” Nicole said, eying the way I pressed a hand to my heart. “Now you can both move on.”

Aimee rubbed her forehead. “What if you talked to him again? What if he actually apologized this time?”

“It’s been too long,” I said. “If he was truly sorry, he would have said so by now. For him to apologize now… I’m not sure I’d believe him. Especially after last night.”

“But what if he –”

“Aimee,” I said, stopping her. Talking about Asher was only making my hurt worse. “I’m grateful that you care so much about my happiness. Truly. But I owe it to Lamar and to myself to try to pursue this relationship as best I can.”

“But your mating bond…” Aimee said.

“It’s one side,” I said. “It has to be. I saw Asher. He looked tired but fine. I doubt I affected him at all.”

Aimee opened her mouth to say something, but I interrupted.

“Please, Aimee. I don’t want to talk about Asher anymore.”

She hesitated, but ultimately closed her mouth and nodded. From then on, however, she seemed distracted and sad. Yet she respected my wishes and did not bring up Asher again.

Later, when my brain hurt from studying and I had to call it a day, I received a call from Lamar, inviting me to a party.

I was feeling low. I’d failed the second attempt at the practice test, and then I’d failed the third worse than the second.

“You are just tired,” Aimee had said then. “You need to let your mind rest.”

Now, Lamar said, “I’d love to have you as my plus one. Unless you need to study more…?”

My whole body physically recoiled at the thought of doing any more studying today. “I’ll be your plus one.”

“Great,” he said, and asked me to meet him outside the athletes’ dorm.

I assumed we were just meeting there and then going to wherever the party was, so I didn’t give much thought about running into Asher. If I kept a watchful eye, I could avoid him.

Yet when I met Lamar and accepted his offered hand, he started leading me into the dorm, not away from it.

I instantly froze. Lamar continued on, but stopped when he felt my resistance.

“What’s wrong?” he asked me, looking back.

“This is Asher’s dorm,” I said. I’d promised not to bring up Asher anymore with Lamar, but this instance felt vital.

Lamar glanced at the dorm and then back to me. “A lot of people live here.”

I swallowed down my rising panic to find the courage to speak again. “He isn’t going to be at the party, is he?”

“I doubt it. This isn’t a hockey thing. Why would he even want to come?” Lamar said. “Besides, I heard he’s mostly been holed up in the weight room most nights.”

The weight room? Asher was plenty strong already. Did he really need so much more training?

Not that it was my business anymore.

“I’d rather not see him,” I said.

“Good, cause he’s probably not here.”

Probably wasn’t very convincing.

“Cynthia.” Lamar started to loosen his grip on my hand. “If you’d rather go back home…”

I grabbed his hand more firmly, holding on for the both of us. “No. I want to have fun. I’m sure it will be fine.”

I wasn’t even the least bit sure it would be fine. But the words made Lamar’s smile return full blast, so I didn’t take them back.

He squeezed my hand. “Then let’s go have some fun.”

He led me inside the dorm. I purposefully avoiding looking down the hallway to Asher’s room, even as my entire body felt pulled in that direction.

I forced myself to turn the opposite way and followed Lamar to the lounge, where we were immediately engulfed by the pulse of loud music and the rumble of a crowd.

There were a lot of people there, faces both familiar and unfamiliar. I had thought myself acquainted with many of the athletes, having spent so much time with Asher, but there seemed to be entire sects of people I hadn’t met.

Maybe this really wasn’t Asher’s group of people, then. At first glance, I didn’t spot any hockey players so I began to relax. Asher wasn’t here.

Maybe I could relax and have a good time. Everyone knew I was pregnant now so no one would force me to drink alcohol. And though I couldn’t dance, I could still enjoy the music.

Lamar flashed me a winning smile, and I let myself feel lighter. Whether or not we were truly romantically compatible, he was fun to be around.

I could have a good time tonight. I would, no matter what.

That confidence lasted for the full amount of time it took for me to walk with Lamar from the entrance to the drink table, where I spotted a familiar set of shoulders.

My whole body locked up.

“What is it?” Lamar asked, glancing around.

Asher’s back was to us. Lamar hadn’t spotted him yet, and Asher hadn’t seen us.

But I knew it was him.

I would know him anywhere.

Asher was here.