Chapter 157

“Yeah. Date,” Lamar said. “I’m taking Cynthia out tonight.”

Asher’s attention turned to me. I immediately dropped my gaze, unable to meet his eyes.

Soft as a whisper, Asher said, “Cynthia?”

He made my name sound like a question, and I knew what he was really asking. He wanted me to confirm what Lamar was saying. He likely wouldn’t leave until I did.

It took me longer to answer than it should have. Maybe I wanted him to stay.

But prolonging this was only hurting us both. Even now, my heart ached.

“It’s true,” I said. By some miracle, I kept the tremor out of my voice. “Lamar and I are going on a date.”

I worded it carefully. A date. One date. Not dating, which implied multiple dates. Hopefully Asher could hear that specific detail.

Yet when I glanced up at him, he was looking at me but also somehow staring straight through me, like he was a thousand miles away. This distance startled me, and before I realized what I was doing, I reached out and placed a hand on his arm.

“Asher?”

He flinched under my touch, and I immediately pulled away. But his eyes focused again, at least, and he returned to where we were.

He squared his shoulders and took a breath. “Cynthia, if you would just listen –”

Lamar wedged himself into the doorway, separating me and Asher. “I think she’s heard enough, pal.”

A flash of annoyance scraped at my insides. I wanted to hear what Asher had to say. Honestly, I’d rather argue with Asher than date anyone else.

But that wasn’t healthy. Maybe Lamar was right, even if I didn’t appreciate him stepping in. Maybe I had heard enough.

“Goodnight, Asher,” I said.

Over Lamar’s shoulder, Asher held my gaze a moment longer. His eyes were a deep ocean, and I was captive, drowning in their depths. Then he blinked and looked away.

He didn’t say one word more. His jaw locked.

He turned away from me and in total silence, disappeared down the hall and into the stairwell.

My chest was on fire. My body begged me to follow him. To be in his presence. To make things right.

I stayed rooted where I was. Eventually Lamar shifted around and considered me.

“Maybe we should raincheck,” Lamar said. His smile sat somewhere between sympathetic and pitying. I didn’t like either look.

“No. We should go tonight.”

This couldn’t have all been for nothing.

Besides, Lamar seemed to truly care about my feelings. He was so nice, even suggesting the delay. He was the kind of person I should want to date, considerate and generous. Not controlling. Not unapologetic.

Why had Asher even come here tonight? Did he just want to argue more?

I shook my head. It didn’t matter now. I was going on a date with Lamar, and Asher had no place in it.

“If you’re sure,” Lamar said, eying me with skepticism.

It felt like a challenge, but I was up to it. I could prove to us both that I could move on from Asher.

“Let me get my jacket.”

Lamar took me to a hole-in-the-wall pizza place with a black drop-down ceiling and sticky floors.

“Best pizza in town,” he told me, flashing one of his charming smiles.

I wasn’t too sure, but the wait staff were super friendly, the booths were comfortable, and the tables were clean. I decided to give it a chance.

Lamar sat in the booth across from me. We decided to split a pizza. Lamar insisted I order my own toppings for my half, but when the waiter came, the toppings Lamar ordered first sounded really good.

“I’ll have the same,” I said. The waiter wrote it down, collected the menus and left.

Lamar’s brightness dimmed somewhat. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“Do what?”

“Order the same as me. I don’t know what kind of guy Asher is, but I’m different.”

I frowned. A call to action sounded in my chest, ready to defend Asher against any slight. I tampered it down somewhat, reminding myself that Lamar was my date, not some stranger out to hurt Asher.

“Asher doesn’t care what I eat,” I said. Asher could be controlling sometimes, but not about everything.

I blinked. That thought startled me. Wasn’t part of why we broke up because he was so controlling?

Rubbing my forehead, I reminded myself of our fight, and the things Asher said. He’d been looking into apartments for me. He’d been so sure that I would drop out of college.

Right. There was the anger again.

“I’m glad to hear that,” Lamar said. “Though I’d feel better about it if you said it in past tense.”

“Huh?”

“’Asher doesn’t care,’” Lamar said, repeating my words. “When you say it like that, it makes it pretty obvious you still think of him in the present.”

“Oh.” I hadn’t realized I had said it that way. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize, Cynthia. I just wanted to make sure you knew you were doing it.” He leaned into the seat, draping one arm comfortably across the back.

I wanted to apologize but I bit it back. “Asher and I are… were very close. It will take time for me.”

“I know. I’m not in any kind of hurry. Being here with you, even like this, is nice. I enjoy your company.”

I couldn’t imagine why. All I seemed to do was bring him trouble. But I’d already told him I might harbor feelings for Asher forever. He’d seemed fine with that before.

“Are you sure about this Lamar?” I asked. “You don’t have to date me. I know I’m not the best date right now.”

He shrugged one shoulder. “I like you, Cynthia, and I’ve got nowhere else to be. It doesn’t hurt me any to wait out your feelings. Even if you are still into Asher right now, maybe someday soon, you’ll like me as much if not more.”

I liked Lamar, and could see those feelings potentially growing. But to care for him as much as I did Asher? That seemed unlikely, unfortunately. My feelings for Asher, however misguided, were all encompassing.

Lamar noticed my reluctance. He pushed away from the seat and leaned over the table instead. He dipped his head until I looked up at him, then held my gaze.

“You deserve better than how he treated you, Cynthia. Give me enough time, and I’ll show you what it’s like to be with someone who actually likes and respects you.”

“Asher likes me,” I said on reflex. When I realized what I said, I covered my mouth with my hand.

Lamar didn’t seem upset. But his face took on that pitying expression once more.

“I’m not convinced,” he said. “Are you sure his feelings for you were real?”

I wrapped my arms around myself. It felt colder in here suddenly, as the hole in my heart carved deeper.

“If he truly cared so much about you,” Lamar said, “Wouldn’t he listen to what you want?”

I frowned. I hadn’t told Lamar the specifics about what happened between me and Asher.

“How do you know about that?” I asked.

“In the hallway. You told him you were going on a date with me and he got all Alpha on you. ‘If you would listen…’ Give me a break.”

Lamar had been able to surmise Asher and my biggest problem from such a brief exchange. If he was that observant, maybe he was right about other things.

But to say Asher’s feelings weren’t real?

“Men should respect women,” Lamar said. “And Asher has no respect for you.”