Chapter 151

During halftime, Lamar and I walked around the concourse. We stopped where previous teams’ photos were displayed, and spent some time making fun of the wild haircuts of the past.

“Cynthia!” Lamar called from the next photo down. “Check out this guy’s mustache.”

It was a full handle-bar mustache, impressive in its size and fullness.

“Do you think I should go for that look?” he asked me. He turned his head side to side so I could have the best view of his face. “I could pull it off, right?”

I laughed. “You’d look ridiculous.”

His smile widened. “Ridiculously handsome, you mean.”

I shook my head. “You are ridiculous.”

We continued on after that. Lamar asked me if I wanted anything from the concession stand. When I said no, he asked if I would mind waiting while he got himself something.

As he went into the line, I stood to the side, waiting and watching. With a bright smile, Lamar said something and the others in the line laughed.

He really was personable and charismatic. He could probably make friends with anyone anywhere. His easy-going smile was so disarming. And he was handsome too, especially when his hair got a little messy. Windblown, almost…

Kind of like Asher’s hair but longer.

Asher.

My heart ached once more. With Lamar beside me, making me laugh, the pain in my chest had been so mild, I could ignore it. But standing here alone, it was harder to manage.

I was enjoying my time with Lamar. But I wished Asher was here.

I shook my head, frustrated with myself. I always seemed to forget that the real Asher wasn’t the one I thought I knew. The real Asher was callous and cold. Controlling. Mean.

I was having a good time with Lamar, and that should be enough. It would have to be.

Lamar reached the front of the line and made the cashier smile. Pushing aside my feelings for Asher, I tried to imagine what it would be like to date Lamar.

He would be considerate. Gentle, probably. And I bet touch would come so naturally to him. Holding hands, an arm around my shoulder, a hand on my hip. Always smiling and laughing, and never satisfied until I was doing the same.

It was a pleasant-enough dream. Not perfect by a longshot.

Perfect was Asher with his secret smiles and his protective embrace. His soft words whispered into my ear. The steadiness of his gaze, telling me more than words could say.

God, I missed him.

“Hey. Ready?” Lamar was suddenly before me. I hadn’t seen him approach.

He held popcorn in one hand and a soda in the other. After I nodded, he tilted his popcorn in my direction. “You can steal some if you want. I’ll pretend I don’t see.”

“Is it stealing if I have permission?” I asked.

He laughed. “Don’t you want to live on the wild side, Cynthia?”

We watched the rest of the game, talking and cheering for the team. I only stole a few handfuls of popcorn. Our team ended up winning, and the student section jumped and clapped and hugged each other.

Lamar didn’t even attempt to hug me, though, like he knew I wasn’t ready. I deeply appreciated that.

Outside of the stadium, we faced each other.

“I had a good time,” I said.

“I’m glad,” he said. “Really glad.”

We stood in silence a moment.

“We should hang out like this again,” Lamar said. “If you want.”

If it was like this, I wouldn’t mind. I wasn’t ready for more. Maybe I never would be. But being with Lamar made coping with Asher’s loss a tiny bit easier. I needed all the help I could get.

“I’d like that,” I said.

Lamar’s sunshine smile lit up his whole face. “Me too.”

As I walked home alone, I checked my phone for the thousandth time, but there were no messages or missed calls from Asher. When I got home, there were no notes on or under the door.

I knew there wouldn’t be, but I’d hoped. Disappointment filled me and for a while, I sat on my bed in the quiet, replaying our breakup.

Maybe we shouldn’t even be friends.

It hurt as much now as it had that first time.

No, I couldn’t waste my time reliving that pain. I had plans and dreams to focus on, like passing the transfer exam. And when I passed, I could rub it in Asher’s disbelieving face, and he… would do nothing. Because we’d likely never talk again.

Sadness crept upon me once more. To fight it, I pushed myself up to my feet, grabbed my textbooks, and left my room, headed for the library.

I stayed there for most of the night, returning to my room only in necessity to sleep. The next morning, I woke up early and headed right back there.

I’d passed the topics I was most familiar with, so everything I studied now was new, and difficult, too. But I wouldn’t let it beat me.

I studied and studied, and studied some more. And when my brain felt too full and the words became to blur, I texted Aimee and Nicole to ask for their help.

They came to the library shortly after. They were both smart in different ways and different subjects. Aimee was more scholarly, but Nicole had a way of explaining things in a patient, easy-to-follow kind of way.

With their guidance, the things I’d been stuck on began to seem clearer.

My waning optimism began to sour once again. With their help and my determination, I could achieve anything. I was blessed to have such good friends.

If only Asher was willing to help as well.

It been a few hours since I had given Asher any thought, so I felt justified in taking a moment to drop my head, face first, into my textbook at the thought of him now.

“Maybe we should take a break,” Aimee suggested.

“Sounds good to me,” Nicole said. “I’ve been dying to ask Cynthia about her date with Lamar.”

“It wasn’t a date,” I said, voice muffled by the pages of my textbook.

“Your friend-date, then. Hang out. Whatever you want to call it,” Nicole said.

“We went to the football game. It was fine.”

“Fine? That’s it?”

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” I said.

“I want you to say that you are getting over Asher.”

“Nicole,” Aimee hissed. “It hasn’t been that long. Give her a break.”

“I’m not trying to be cruel,” Nicole said, softer. “But Asher broke her heart, and she deserves better. And all the novels say that the fastest way to get over someone is to get with someone else.”

“You can’t push these things,” Aimee said. “Broken hearts take time to mend. Trust me.”

“Sorry,” Nicole said, and an awkward silence settled over us for a minute.

Then, fortunately, Aimee spoke up again.

“Honestly, I’ve also been thinking about this new guy. Lamar, right? The name sounded familiar so I looked him up on the student register. I had guessed he was an athlete, but did you know he is on the soccer team?”

Lamar and I hadn’t really talked about his experiences. Actually, he hadn’t talked about himself much at all, other than superficial things. I lifted my head up from my textbook.

Aimee pressed her lips hard together, like she was building up to saying something. I gave her a minute but when she didn’t say anything, I pressed.

“What is it?”

Aimee took a breath. “If he’s on the soccer team, wouldn’t that make him friends with Joseph?”