Chapter 146

Over the phone, I briefly explained my situation to Nancy, trying to leave out the details, and asked, “Is it safe for the baby if I have… physical intimacy with… someone?”

Nancy replied, point-blank. “You want to have sex with Asher?”

My face burned hot. Asher was standing nearby, watching me curiously. I didn’t know if he heard, but I was still too embarrassed and turned away from him.

“Not necessarily,” I said. “Well, not… all the way… yet.”

Nancy laughed. “Cynthia, it’s fine. You can have whatever kind of sex you want as long as your partner is gentle with you. And you mustn’t overexert yourself, so he’ll have to do most of the work.”

I didn’t really like the sound of that. Sure it was nice to receive, but I didn’t want to be a selfish lover. I liked the give and take I had with Asher.

“What is she saying?” Asher asked.

Nancy must have heard him through the speaker. “Hand the phone to Asher. I’ll tell him.”

“I don’t know…” I mumbled.

“Cynthia, I can feel your embarrassment through the phone. I have a feeling it might be easier for you both if he hears this from me.”

I couldn’t argue with that, so I faced Asher again and held out the phone. “She wants to speak with you.”

Asher took the phone and placed it to his ear. “This is Asher.”

I couldn’t hear exactly what Nancy was telling him, but I kept my eyes on Asher’s face as he listened with intense focus. He was approaching this with extreme seriousness.

“I understand,” he said after a moment. “Thank you.”

He returned the phone to me, but Nancy had already hung up. I stashed it back into my bag.

“So,” I said awkwardly, unsure how to broach the topic. “She told you.”

“Yes,” Asher confirmed.

“Then… you know…”

“I don’t mind,” he said, surprising me. I looked at him with wide eyes. “I enjoy making you feel good.”

“But what about you? What good am I if I can’t contribute?”

He moved closer to me with sure, confident steps. “You turn me on with just the noises you make, Cyn. You don’t have to do more than that.”

“Yeah, but…”

“Let me show you,” he said and dropped to his knees in front of me. He placed his hands on my hips, thumb resting along the line of my pelvic bone.

It was hot as hell, having him like this, with the promise of pleasure on the horizon. I knew he would make me feel good. He always had before.

Yet as he began to nuzzle my waist, I couldn’t quite get into it. Was I allowed to touch him at all? Or was I supposed to just take what he gave me without making a move?

I didn’t like this. I wanted to touch him and make him moan. I liked his noises too.

I didn’t want to be in control, but I wanted to do something.

“Relax, Cyn,” he whispered. He tugged at my waistband. “Let me take care of you.”

“I want to touch you,” I said.

He leaned back to look up at me. “No touching. I’ll make you feel good. You’ll love it, I promise.”

Normally, I’d enjoy this, but I felt like we needed to talk about this first and draw some lines about what we should do and how much. I sometimes loved surrendering myself to him, but not all the time.

Not right now.

“Asher.” I really wanted to talk about this. It couldn’t wait. “Stop.”

He froze.

“For now,” I clarified.

Nodding, he corrected my waistband, pulling it back into place, and stood up again. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No, but… I just don’t feel good about it right now.”

“Okay.” A small line of worry appeared between his brows. “Can I help?”

“I don’t know.” I wrapped my arms around myself. Without the distraction of Asher’s touch, more unwelcome worries returned to me tenfold. Like what happened at the party, and what Elena said.

Everything culminated now, churning in the pit of my stomach, until I was a bubbling cauldron of anxiety.

“You can talk to me,” Asher said.

Could I? Asher hadn’t been the most supportive of me lately, in regard to the transfer exam. If I told him what Elena said, how would he react? If he didn’t respond in the way I wanted, I thought my heart would break. A wedge would form between us. It wasn’t worth it.

“Never mind,” I said.

“Cynthia.”

I snapped, “I said never mind, Asher!”

His eyes widened a fraction, but he recovered quickly. He nodded, not saying another word.

Guilt immediately clawed at me. I shouldn’t have lost my temper. I got angry at him when he hadn’t done anything wrong. I hadn’t even given him a chance.

Asher deserved chances.

So I gathered my courage and said, “Sorry. It’s just that… I saw Elena earlier and she said some things that really bothered me.”

“You shouldn’t listen to Elena.”

“I know, but she said that I would never pass the transfer exam in a hundred years. Because I’m not smart enough.”

Asher’s jaw clenched. He glanced away from me.

My heart plummeted down to the floor. “Asher, this is where you tell me she is wrong.”

Asher ran a hand over his mouth. He still wasn’t saying anything.

“Asher?” I said in a whisper, afraid to speak louder. Maybe I was asleep. This had to be a nightmare.

“No athlete has ever passed the transfer exam, Cynthia. It may not be wrong to focus your efforts elsewhere.”

I couldn’t believe my ears. “You think I should drop out? Not even try?”

“Trying would be a waste of time. And it’d only hurt you when…”

“When I fail?” When he didn’t answer right away, I pressed. “Asher?”

He nodded.

Anger and pain swirled inside of me, a burning barbed wire of emotion, slicing and tearing at my heart.

Asher was the man I trusted more than any other. He was my dearest friend, and the person I loved. And here he was, agreeing with Elena over me.

This felt like a betrayal. And I lashed out in return.

“What is it you would have me do then? Stay at home, become a baby-making machine, always barefoot and pregnant, and never achieve my dreams?”

My fury sparked something in him, and suddenly he matched my fire with a freezing cold.

“You need to amend your dreams, that’s all. The Academy isn’t your future anymore. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“It is my dream.”

“This dream is impossible.” He crossed his arms. “I’ll help set you up in an apartment. I’ll take care of you.”

“I don’t need to be taken care of!”

He glowered at me. “Yes, you do.”

Normally, I loved his Alpha confidence and his demands, because his voice got all deep and sexy. Also, usually those demands were things I wanted anyway. But this? This was too much, too far, and I couldn’t help seeing Asher in an entirely new way.

I thought he was different than other Alphas. I thought he actually cared for me and my choices. But here he was, acting like he was so much better than me. Acting like he knew best about what I should do with my own life!

No one got to decide my future but me.

“I can’t believe you are talking like this.” I desperately wished he would take it all back, but I doubted he would. He was too prideful. He was too… Alpha. “You are acting like my decisions don’t matter.”

“Only because you are making the wrong ones. You have to listen to my advice.”

“Advice? More like orders. You are trying to control me!”

A blizzard raged in his eyes. “You aren’t thinking clearly. I am.”

“I’m thinking fine.”

“You always get this way,” he said, voice so calm and steady, it was infuriating. “You are too emotional.”

Pompous, arrogant jerk! “If truly think so little of me, maybe we should stop seeing each other.”

Hurt flashed across his eyes for only a moment, before being buried behind a snowstorm. “Why stop there? If our values are this different, maybe we shouldn’t even be friends.”

I gasped.