Chapter 141

As soon as I shouted, “Stop!” the music cut out. For the length of a few unsteady heartbeats, silence filled the auditorium.

Then one of the judges clicked on her microphone. “Cynthia. Do you intend to start again? We will have to penalize you this time.”

“I-I can’t do this,” I said, my voice shaking. The gravity of what I was doing weighed heavily on me. I knew I was giving up on my dream. But for my baby, I had no choice. “I’m sorry.”

“Are you saying that you intend to withdraw from this qualifying exam?” the judge asked.

I swallowed down the rising lump in my throat. “Yes.”

The judge covered her microphone to speak with the other judges. Then she lowered her hand to say, “We require an explanation.”

I tried to come up with an excuse, but in my panic, the only thing that I could think of that would make sense was the truth. So I took a nervous breath, and said, “I’m pregnant.”

Another bout of quiet fell over the auditorium. All of the cheerleaders knew my secret, but they must have been shocked I would admit it in front of faculty, especially when I had asked all of them not to say anything.

Other dancers were in the room, however, who had no idea. And then, of course, the judges themselves also didn’t know.

Until now.

My secret was well and truly out in the open, and there would be no taking it back.

The judge clicked off her microphone and spoke with the other judges again. Even from the stage, I could see the shock on their faces. When she clicked the microphone back on, her displeasure was clear in her voice.

“Very well, Cynthia. By being unable to perform the qualifying exam, you automatically fail. You will need to speak with a faculty advisor as soon as possible to discuss what happens next. Do you understand?”

“I understand,” I said.

“Good.” She waved her hand, dismissing me. “We will now call our next candidate.” She turned her attention to the list in front of her.

I rushed off the stage and down the stairs. Everyone looked at me as I hurried up the aisle toward the exit. I could hear them whispering behind me, though I couldn’t make out the words beyond my name.

I pushed through the doors into the lobby and then through the heavier doors leading outside. Once under the sunshine, I was ready to run the whole way home, though I knew I wasn’t supposed to perform strenuous activities.

I felt wired, like electricity buzzed under my skin. I didn’t know what to do, but the adrenaline coursing through me demanded that I do something.

I started to pace. Should I go straight to the faculty advisor’s office? Should I go home and change? Should I go somewhere to try to calm down?

Whenever I decided to go one way, I immediately changed my mind and headed the other direction.

“Cynthia?” Asher’s voice startled me, and I stopped walking. He rose from a nearby park bench. Had he been there since we parted? Was he going to wait all day for me?

I already knew the answer. He’d been so worried about me and the baby, of course he would wait.

He came closer. “What happened? Are you alright?”

“I am, I… I couldn’t do it, Asner. I tried. I got up onto the stage and they played my music. But when I thought about my baby, and I thought about what could happen…”

I covered my face with my hands. I made the right choice, but everything still hurt.

Suddenly Asher’s arms were around me, and he pulled me against his sturdy chest. “Thank God,” he said. “I didn’t know what I would have done if something happened to either of you.”

Things were happening to us, though. Now I would have to drop out of college. Not to mention, “I told everyone I’m pregnant. It’s not a secret anymore.”

“It doesn’t matter. No one here will be able to use that against you for much longer.”

I supposed he was right. Once I dropped out, I wouldn’t have to face any of them again. And though I’d likely be the hot topic of gossip for a while, they’d soon forget all about me when the next scandal popped up.

My secret being exposed was the least of my problems. Instead, I needed to focus on what would happen with the rest of my life. A degree from the Academy would have helped set up my career and future.

Without it, I would have to find a different way to support me and my baby.

I would do it somehow. I’d find a way, but… I lost my dream today. I felt too numb to plan for the future just yet.

“Whatever happens next, I will help you,” Asher said.

His words were welcome, but I couldn’t accept them. What did he plan to do? Drop out too, to help me? Get a job to financially support me and the baby?

That didn’t seem likely, since he was so close to graduating. And if he suggested it, I would say no. Why should he throw his ideal future away? Even if he didn’t eventually grow to resent me for it, I would never forgive myself.

If only there was some other way that I could help myself without having to –

Wait.

Lowering my hands, I pulled back from Asher enough to look up at his face. Excitement began to replace the sense of defeat that had weighed me down.

“Asher, we’re forgetting something important. There may still be a chance. Remember when I talked to the faculty advisor…”

That phone call felt like a lifetime ago, almost.

In my recent exhaustion and my panic and my defeat, I had forgotten about my original backup plan. I may not have been able to complete the qualifying exam, but I still had a chance of passing the academic-focused transfer exam.

Asher seemed to know what I was going to say before I said it. “No athlete has ever passed the transfer exam, Cynthia.”

“Then I’ll be the first.”

I was determined. I was ready to give up everything to protect my baby, but an academic exam would not endanger them. If I studied hard enough, really applied myself, then I knew I could make this work.

I had to. I wouldn’t so easily let go of my dreams.

“This is my last option, and I’m not going to let it pass me by. It will be tough, I acknowledge that.”

Studying had never been my strongest skill, but my willpower could not be matched.

“I refuse to go out without a fight,” I said.

Oddly, Asher didn’t seem to respond as positively as I did.

He didn’t put me down, but he didn’t seem to like the idea either. His face was a perfect mask. Even in his eyes, he hid his true emotions behind a wall of ice. For him to hide from me likely meant that I wouldn’t have liked his true thoughts on the matter.

“Asher…” I was afraid to press. I couldn’t let anything stand in the way of me achieving my dreams, but if Asher didn’t think I was capable…

No. He didn’t say that, and I wouldn’t put words in his mouth. He was probably just worried about me, like always. I would have to fully dedicate myself to this new plan. It would be a ton of work.

I could do it though. I knew I could.

“You should talk to the faculty advisor and see what they say,” Asher said. “The sooner the better.”

He was right. I needed to sign up for the transfer exam right away.

Asher’s gloomy attitude wouldn’t bring me down.

I was going to pass the transfer exam, stay in school, raise my baby, and reach my dreams.

No matter what!