Chapter 138

I told Asher about my concerns of being physically unable to compete in the qualifying exams. I’d been weak during practice, stumbling on simple moves.

He worried about me, especially after my next practice, when the harder I tried to keep up with the routine, the more tired I felt. When I confided that in him, he insisted I go to the doctor to be checked out.

Instead of going to see Nancy and Nurse Irene, Asher made an appointment for me at the higher-rated hospital for Alphas and their families on the fancier side of town.

Asher drove me in his car. He gripped the steering wheel tightly the entire way.

“I’m sure it’s nothing,” I said, in an attempt to comfort him. “I’ve probably just been overdoing it.”

Not that I could do anything about that. The qualifying exams were only a few days away now. I just had to hold on until then, and I could rest afterwards.

“We’ll see.” Asher wasn’t any calmer.

After we parked in the lot, Asher came around to my side of the car and helped me out. I didn’t need his help but it was nice to be looked after. He held my hand as we walked together inside.

My fantasies ran wild. Is this how things would be in the future? Would Asher come with me to all my future appointments? Like a real family. A real mate.

I shook the thoughts from my head. I had other things to focus on. I couldn’t get caught up in those kinds of fantasies, especially knowing Asher didn’t love me.

Still… it was a nice thought.

We were called into an exam room with minimal wait. Asher offered to wait outside but I wanted him with me.

He wasn’t the only one who was worried, though I had tried desperately to get myself to stop thinking about it the past few days. Truth was, I was very concerned about my declining abilities and my rising exhaustion. Even Lilith hadn’t been able to help as much lately.

The nurse ran a few tests on me and the baby. She performed an ultrasound.

“The baby’s heartbeat is strong,” she said, even as her face grew more and more severe.

“Is something the matter?” Asher asked.

“Let me get the doctor,” she said, and left the room in a hurry.

Fear gripped at my heart. From the hospital bed, I looked up at Asher. He saw something on my face and immediately pulled me into a hug.

“Whatever it is, we will handle it,” he said. “Don’t be afraid.”

I closed my eyes, relaxing as much as I could under his comfort. He really did hate to see me scared.

The nurse returned with the doctor before I was ready, but Asher released me all the same. The doctor took over the ultrasound. He was quiet as he examined the screen.

Finally, he spoke, “The baby is healthy for now.”

I released a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding.

“But,” he continued.

My breath caught again.

“The baby is in an unstable position, which will make the next few months very dangerous,” the doctor continued. “You will need to stop any strenuous activities at once. Don’t even walk too far. The moment you get tired, you must rest.”

No strenuous activities? Forget the qualifying exam, he made it sound like I couldn’t even practice!

“No, I can’t,” I said. The doctor looked at me surprised. Embarrassed by my outburst, I added, “I go the Academy and the qualifying exams are in just a couple of days. I need to complete those, then I can relax.”

The doctor shook his head. “Miss, this isn’t something you can simply pause. This is a medical condition. If you continue to push your limits here, you risk losing the baby.”

“No, I…”

“This is not something you can argue,” the doctor said. “This is fact.”

I couldn’t believe him. It was too much. If he was right, I would lose everything I’d worked so hard for, for the past ten years.

I looked at Asher for support, but his face was twisted up with anxiety. He believed the doctor.

“I want a second opinion,” I said.

The doctor nodded. “That is your right.”

To Asher, I said, “I want to see Nancy. She knows everything I’ve been through. She’ll be able to tell you this is a mistake.”

Asher didn’t say a word, but by the end of the appointment, I got him to agree to take me to see Nancy. We went there at once. Asher’s hands were even tighter on the steering wheel this time, his knuckles white.

“We might have to start considering back-up plans,” Asher said, when we stopped at a red light.

“The doctor is wrong,” I said. “That whole hospital probably has something against me…”

“Cynthia.”

I was being ridiculous. I knew that. But I couldn’t let myself believe that the doctor had said even a kernel of something true. “Nancy will tell you the truth. Then you’ll see.”

“Okay,” he said. The light turned green, and we started going again. “For the record, I really hope you are right.”

Nancy, at receiving my somewhat frantic phone call describing the doctor’s results, was able to move things around on her schedule to fit me in right away.

When I walked into the exam room, I caught the look she and Asher shared over my shoulder. It irked me.

“Asher,” I said. “Maybe you should wait outside this time.”

He looked at me like he wanted to argue, but instead he said, “Of course.” He kissed me quickly on the cheek, then disappeared out the door.

Nancy motioned for me to sit down. As before, she performed an ultrasound. She asked about my symptoms, and because she knew about my wolf, asked me about Lilith too.

I answered as honestly as I could, not wanting to taint her conclusions.

“The baby’s heartbeat is strong, and it’s growing well,” Nancy said. Her growing frown kept me from feeling any sense of relief. “I’m sorry, Cynthia.”

“No.”

“The doctor was right. The baby is in a precarious position. Too much physical activity would only push it further, potentially killing it.”

“That can’t be right.”

But if both the doctor and Nancy thought so…

No, I couldn’t accept it!

“Don’t ask me to choose again,” I said, voice strained. “I already picked both. I can’t go back… I can’t give up…” Tears welled in my eyes and burst over my cheeks, unbidden.

I covered my face with my hands. My shoulders trembled. I couldn’t stop sobbing.

Nancy immediately came to my side and held me. She tried so hard to comfort me. “You are strong. No matter what happens, you will make it through this.”

But I struggled to hear her beyond the sound of my heart shattering like glass under pressure.

I could give up my dreams, or I could give up my baby. Either way, I would lose something deeply important to me. I’d worked so hard for ten years to get into the Academy. I was so close now.

But my baby was a human life.

“What are my odds?” I asked her.

“What do you mean?”

“The qualifying exam is only a couple of days away. If I did one last strenuous exercise, just to do the exam… What are the odds my baby would make it through?”

Nancy pulled back from my hug to look at me. “There are no guarantees, Cynthia. But you have to trust what your body is telling you. And with Lilith being so exhausted…”

“Give me a number,” I said.

Nancy gave me a grim expression. “With that level of exertion… I would say, twenty percent your baby could make it through unharmed. A bit higher that it would survive with a hospital visit.”

“And the chances of it dying?” I heard myself ask, feeling numb.

“I would say fifty-fifty, Cynthia. It’s not good.”

My stomach fell to the floor, as more tears poured from my eyes. I cried so hard that I didn’t know Nancy had gone to get Asher until they were both holding me, one on each side.

“It’s okay to grieve your dreams,” Nancy said.

I nodded, but I hadn’t yet decided what to do…