Chapter 137

I was so upset about my poor performance during practice, that Nicole, noticing my deep frown, insisted I go out with her and Aimee afterwards. Which was how I found myself at my favorite café, sipping on lemonade at our usual table.

“Everyone has bad days,” Nicole said. “No one is perfect at every routine all the time.”

“It couldn’t have been that bad,” Aimee said. “You are being too hard on yourself.”

“It was that bad,” I admitted. I was grateful that they were trying to cheer me up, but there was no need to sugarcoat what had happened. Not with the qualifying exams fast approaching. “Honestly, I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it at all.”

Nicole and Aimee shared a look.

“This isn’t like you,” Aimee said. “Usually nothing can hold you down.”

“Yeah, well. Some things are out of my hands,” I said, frowning. I sipped at my lemonade. It was too bitter, but I just kept drinking it. “If my body physically can’t do it, what am I supposed to do?”

“You don’t know if you physically can’t,” Nicole argued. “It was only one practice. You were doing fine before.”

I shook my head.

Aimee watched me for a minute. “What did Asher say, when you told him this?”

“I didn’t tell Asher anything,” I said.

When would I even had time to? We came here straight from practice. Sure, in the past, I would have texted him afterwards, whether I had concerns or just to say hi. But I couldn’t do that with our argument looming over us.

Regardless of whether I had blown everything he’d said after out of proportion, he had still told Joseph that he didn’t love me. And I had to wonder if Asher would ever be able to get over his hatred of Joseph enough to want to truly be part of my baby’s life.

There was just too much bad blood right now, for me to confide anything in Asher.

Nicole and Aimee seemed more worried now than before.

“Did something happen with you two?” Nicole asked.

I didn’t want to lie to them, so I just bit my tongue.

“Cynthia,” Aimee said. “Maybe you should talk to him.”

“What good would that do? He can’t make me physically stronger.”

“He always helps you feel better,” Aimee said.

“Not this time.”

Aimee and Nicole looked at each other again. They seemed to communicate something between themselves without saying a word. I narrowed my eyes in suspicion, but they stopped before I could discern what they were indicating to each other.

Nicole opened her phone and began to text.

“Look, you two care about each other,” Aimee said. “Whatever happened, I’m sure you can resolve it.”

She didn’t understand. “He’ll never be able to accept my baby. Because of Joseph.”

Aimee’s brow furrowed. “Did he actually say that? That doesn’t sound like him.”

Maybe I was paraphrasing, but the sentiment was the same. “I don’t want to talk about him.”

Aimee fell silent. Nicole continued to text. We sipped our drinks in silence for a while, before the chime on the front door rung, and Asher himself walked in.

“Well, look at the time,” Nicole said, standing. “We have to go. We have a… thing…”

“Yes.” Aimee stood too. “We’ll talk to you later, okay?” She waved as they made their quick retreat. “Sorry!”

By the time I realized what was happening, they were dashing out of the café, and Asher was taking one of their vacated seats at my table.

“Can we talk?” Asher asked.

Those… traitors! Nicole hadn’t been texting just anyone, she’d been telling Asher to get over here! And Aimee had stalled me long enough for him to get here.

I couldn’t believe they would do this to me.

Yet, seeing Asher again, even when we were fighting, lifted a heavy weight off of my shoulders. He might not have loved me, but I loved him. Being near him made everything seem a little bit better, even if that was a foolhardy notion.

“Okay,” I said.

Asher moved his chair closer to mine. Then he took a few steadying breaths and started talking.

“Joseph is like a trigger for me,” he said. “I hate him for everything he’s done that has hurt you. I hate that he still has the capacity to hurt you, in ways I can’t always protect you from. And I’m… jealous of him.”

I blinked, startled. Asher couldn’t be jealous of Joseph. He was superior in every possible way!

Asher placed his hand on the table, so very near my own but not quite touching me.

“I’m jealous because the baby is his,” Asher said.

My eyes went wide.

“I wish I’d met you first,” Asher said. “Before him. I could have shown you the way a man should act, to protect and raise his family.”

He glanced at me, saw my surprised face, and cleared his throat.

“What I’m trying to say is, you and I are different people with different emotional triggers. It’s impossible for us to always see eye to eye. But we care about each other. That makes all the disagreements worth sorting through.”

I inched my hand closer to his, so that our pinkies touched. Slowly, like he was giving me time to pull away if I wanted, he moved his hand over mine and laced out fingers together.

“There is nothing you could do or say that would make me want to leave you,” Asher said. “Short of telling me you don’t want me, of course.”

The ridiculousness of that suggestion gave me the strength to find my voice. “That’s not possible.”

“Good.” His lips twitched, an almost smile. “Then you are stuck with me no matter what happens next.”

“Even if…” I swallowed. I didn’t want to argue with him on this, but I had to clear the air. “Even knowing Joseph will always be in my life.”

Asher squeezed my hand. “Yes. I care about you, Cynthia. I hope you know that.”

‘Care about’ wasn’t ‘love,’ but maybe it could be enough.

If it let me keep Asher in my life, then it would have to be. Because I wasn’t about to lose him, not like this. Not when he was saying such sweet things.

“I wish I had met you first, too,” I said. I turned in my chair to fully face him.

He leaned in and I did too, and we hugged as best we could side by side at the table.

“I’m sorry I was so crass,” Asher said. He tilted his nose into my neck, breathing me in. “You smell so sweet. I missed you.”

My chest pleasantly clenched. “I missed you too. I’m sorry I made so many assumptions.”

“I’m not angry. I hurt you. I never should have gone to Joseph. Little good it did.”

“He’s insufferable,” I agreed. “We should give him a wide berth when we can.”

Asher hummed, an almost-agreement. I knew him well, though, and knew he wouldn’t be able to avoid Joseph if he tried to hurt me again. Asher’s protective instincts seemed extra sensitive against Joseph.

Probably because of the baby.

I’m jealous because the baby is his.

I still couldn’t believe Asher had said this. My heart soared. Even Lilith seemed pleased.

“This one is worthy of us,” she whispered in my mind.

“He doesn’t fully want us,” I reminded her, hurting myself by thinking it. But it was true. It was important to keep things in perspective, even here, as Asher and I made up.

I still had many worries, about Asher and my relationship, about the qualifying exams…

It felt good to be reunited with Asher, even after only a few hours apart. But even this high couldn’t make up for how terribly bad I had performed during the qualifying exams.

Asher must have been able to sense the change in me. He leaned back, looked at me, and asked, “What’s wrong?”

I hated to give voice to my fears, especially to him, who believed in me. But I was so scared, I couldn’t hold it back.

“What will happen to me if I physically can’t compete in the qualifying exams?”