Chapter 118

Elena was purposefully antagonizing me, by rubbing in how Asher was likely being hit on at this very moment by a slew of eligible women. I knew that, yet it was still working.

Jealousy held me in a white-knuckled grip. All I wanted to do was dash out of this locker room, track Asher down, and beg him to take me back as his fake girlfriend.

But I couldn’t do that. And I therefore didn’t have any right to stand in the way of any girl who wanted to try their hand at winning Asher’s heart.

He deserved love… even if it wasn’t with me.

But if I truly believed all that, why couldn’t I feel happy for my friend? Why did I feel so… heartbroken?

“Let’s go out after we’re done here,” Nicole said, nudging my shoulder with her own. “My treat.”

Knowing she was worried about me, I gave her a reassuring smile. It fell too quickly. By the end of it, Nicole only looked more concerned.

“That sounds nice,” I said instead. I needed the distraction. It was the only way I’d make it through this.

So I went with Nicole to the arcade, where we lost a few hours among the pinball machines and race car simulators.

When we stopped for ice cream, Nicole asked me, “What happened with you and Asher? You both always seem so into each other. I just find your breakup so hard to believe.”

Since I didn’t know what Asher had said about our breakup, I wasn’t sure how much of a lie to make up on my own. Asher had said he’d take care of it, but that didn’t mean with my friends.

We really should have talked about this more. But getting Asher to agree at all had been like pulling teeth.

“I don’t know,” I said, hedging. “Sometimes these things just happen. We still care about each other, but…”

Nicole made a sharp, humming sound. “You’ll get back together.”

I blinked in surprise. “What?”

“I’ve read romance novels like this,” Nicole said. “The two leads spend some time apart but realize they are actually meant for each other.”

I huffed a small, grateful laugh. “Real life isn’t like that.”

“Listen, I may not know a thing about sex, but I know about love. You two have it. Whatever is going on with you, you’ll get past it.”

I wanted to believe her, but I couldn’t. She didn’t know we had never actually been together. That we’d only been dating for pretend.

Still, it was sweet of her to care so much. She was a good friend. “Thanks, Nicole.”

My conversation with Nicole stayed on my mind long after we had gone our separate ways. What was I supposed to say when someone started asking questions about the breakup? I didn’t even know the how or when or why.

Asher and I needed to talk about it, to get our stories straight. If only to make things easier later.

So with that mindset, I set out to find Asher. He wasn’t in his room when I knocked, but I noticed a crowd in the lounge of his dorm, so I headed there.

No sooner had I crossed the threshold of the lounge, than I stopped dead in my tracks.

Asher was there alright, at the very center of a large crowd of girls.

I knew Asher was popular with women. Why wouldn’t he be? He was handsome, and talented, the son of an Alpha, the top of his class, Captain of the hockey team. He had nothing but positives going for him.

Yet to know those things were true, and to actually see those qualities gain him attention were two very different things. Especially when we were supposed to have been broken up. I couldn’t exactly storm my way through the sea of girls and stake claim on Asher.

Even though I really wanted to.

If he was my real boyfriend, I would have pulled him down into a kiss – with tongue. Make everyone watch so they would know: this one belonged to me.

But he didn’t. Not even for pretend.

So my feet stayed rooted, planting me just inside the door, as even more girls skirted past me to join with the already gathered crowd.

In the center of the crowd, Asher’s façade was firmly back in place. He looked around at the crowd with an arrogant indifference that the girls only seemed to enjoy. As each one spoke, he gave her attention, saying little, until moving onto the next.

Napkins and scraps of paper overflowed from his pockets. Phone numbers, I realized, as more and more girls passed him notes.

I needed to talk to Asher, but now wasn’t the time. If I didn’t get out of this room right now, I didn’t know what I would do. Half of me wanted to cry. The other half wanted to start knocking heads.

I had no right to do either.

But then, through the crowd, Asher spotted me. He held my gaze prisoner, not looking away even when other girls talked to him.

He watched me as he had always done, and my heartbeat picked up speed.

“Asher.” God, I missed him already.

He mouthed my name. Maybe he missed me too.

Then, he started to weave through the crowd, making his way to me.

Panic shot through me. If he talked to me, would I be able to hold myself back? Or would I do as I wanted, which was to beg him to take me back, for pretend or otherwise?

How safe I had always felt in his arms! If he held me now, I didn’t know if I would crumble into pieces, or if it would be the only thing holding the already broken pieces of me together.

I couldn’t find out. It would be too dangerous.

He deserved his freedom. He deserved this… crowd of girls.

I couldn’t stand in his way.

So before he could reach me, I turned and I ran.

I fled the entire way back to my dorm room, where I collapsed down onto my knees on the ground. I buried my face into the end of my mattress, hiding my tears in the comforter.

How was I supposed to move on from him? He was the best. No one would ever compare.

But then… I guessed I never had him to begin with.

My heart cracked, and my chest ached. I dug my fingers into my mattress and let the tears fall. Maybe if I cried it out… Maybe then I could forgive myself for letting him go, whether it had been the right thing to do or not.

My tears flowed freely. Sobs shook my body.

I couldn’t help but imagine his soft smile, or the gentle touch of his fingers combing through my hair.

Funny, I could almost feel it now, like he was… here…

I lifted my head and found myself staring into the glowing eyes of Asher’s apparition. I had called him without even meaning to.

“I’ve got you,” he whispered, his voice so like the real thing.

“Asher.” I tried to blink through the tears, to see him more clearly. But with each fallen tear, more just took its place.

“Don’t cry,” he said.

I was a thousand tiny shards of glass on the floor. Only a diligent, steady hand could piece me back together. But the real Asher wasn’t here.

This was the best I could do. Maybe the best I would ever have again.

Closing my eyes, I leaned in and kissed the apparition on the mouth.