Chapter 47

Chris

I stood frozen in the hallway, watching Lily’s retreating form as the echo of her sobs faded into silence. Only then did my actions finally settle in. What had I done?

In my anger and confusion over Ava’s involvement with the Elders, I had lashed out—unfairly taking out my hurt and betrayal on an innocent party. Lily hadn’t deserved my brusque dismissal, my careless cruelty.

She was merely a victim in this whole mess, same as I.

Clenching my jaw, I pivoted on my heel and strode quickly after her, my longer strides easily allowing me to catch up despite her head start. Just ahead, she had paused in the doorway leading out into one of the Packhouse’s lush gardens, her shoulders trembling with the force of her muffled sobs.

“Lily?” I called out hesitantly, my voice seeming to startle her as she whirled to face me. Even in the dim evening light, I could see the glistening tracks of tears on her cheeks, the way her blue eyes brimmed with hurt and humiliation.

“What is it?” she rasped out, visibly struggling to regain her composure. “I… I was only going for a walk.”

The way that she was trying to hide her pain struck me, and the sting of shame washed over me in searing waves. “Lily, I’m so sorry,” I said heavily, shoving my hands into my pockets as I approached. “I… I acted reprehensibly just now. I took out my anger over a separate matter on you unfairly, and I’m sorry.”

Lily opened her mouth as if to respond, then seemed to think better of it—pursing her lips as she simply gazed at me in stony silence, waiting for me to continue.

Drawing in a steadying breath, I pressed on. “The truth is, you seem like a wonderful person, Lily. Kind and strong and loyal to your pack.” I paused, searching for the right words amidst the emotional whirlwind still raging inside of me. “You deserve far better than to be someone’s second choice, or… or a means to an end.”

A flicker of surprise flashed across Lily’s delicate features then, her eyes widening fractionally. “Chris…” she began, only to trail off as a complicated mixture of emotions played out across her expression.

Before she could find her words, I shook my head and soldiered on. “Would you allow me to make it up to you?” I asked impulsively. “Let me show you around the grounds properly—maybe get to know one another as… friends?”

I held my breath as the offer hung between us, waiting for her response. Part of me wouldn’t blame her if she rejected the olive branch, turned on her heel and stormed off to lick her wounds in peace. But another, desperate part of me hoped she might just accept.

If only so I didn’t feel like a complete and utter jackass on top of everything else. Was that selfish of me?

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Lily inclined her head in the tiniest of nods. “Alright,” she said, swiping away the remnants of tears from her cheeks. “A friendly tour would be nice, I suppose. I was hoping to see the gardens.”

Relief washed over me, and I felt myself relax somewhat. “Perfect,” I said with a small smile, gesturing toward the open garden doors she had been about to exit through. “Shall we?”

Lily nodded again, seeming to steel herself with a fortifying breath before striding through the arched doorway and out into the moonlit garden beyond. I followed after her, carefully watching her form move a step ahead of me as she continued to swipe at her tears.

“Here,” I said, pulling out my pocket square and handing it to her.

Lily paused, then gingerly took the pocket square. She dabbed at her eyes, then made a face when she looked down and saw the black streaks on the fabric made by her mascara.

“I’m so sorry. I ruined your handkerchief.”

“You didn’t,” I said with a soft smile. “And please, you can keep it.”

We continued walking for a little while, taking in the sights, sounds, and smells of the Packhouse gardens. I had to admit that I rarely spent time out here, although I knew I should. It was a lovely garden, filled to the brim with a variety of shrubs, flowers, and trees native to this region. Many of the flowers glowed that blue bioluminescent glow that I always loved.

There was a large fountain in the center of the garden, topped with a statue that depicted a howling wolf and a beautiful woman in a long, flowing gown with her hand on the wolf’s head. Our Goddess Luna and her son, Ares, who had gone on to father our pack; Luna had had five sons, but Ares was our ‘father’, in a proverbial sense. I always thought it curious that the father of our pack might have a name in reference to the human god of war.

Lily stopped beside the fountain, looking up at the ornate statue. “This is a beautiful garden,” she said softly.

“These gardens have been tended by our finest botanists for centuries,” I replied. “I’ll admit, though, I don’t come here often.”

“Why not?” she asked, casting me a sidelong glance.

I opened my mouth to respond, but truthfully, I didn’t have an answer. I couldn’t say that I was too busy to visit the gardens that were just outside my window.

“I… have lived in the human world for a long time, ever since I was a child,” I finally said. “I think a part of me forgot how to appreciate the beauty of our land.”

Lily listened intently, nodding as I spoke. “I’ve heard about your time in the human world. Are you staying now, though?”

At her words, I felt my chest clench. I wanted to tell her the truth: that no, I would not be staying. But as I tried to say those words, I felt as though I couldn’t speak them out loud. I thought back on Ava’s face, on her beautiful round eyes, and thought of what it would be like to leave her here.

For a time, I had thought that we might return to the human world together. But now I wasn’t so sure. In her attempts to make me stay here, perhaps she had driven me away. I wished that wasn’t the case.

“I don’t know,” I finally managed.

Lily said nothing for some time, and when I glanced over at her, I saw that she was no longer looking at me; she was looking at a nearby outcrop of glowing flowers. Seeing the longing in her gaze, I walked over and plucked one for her.

But the flower’s glow died out almost as soon as the stem was cut.

I turned, still holding the flower, but now frowning. How symbolic, I thought to myself as I held the flower out for her. I thought of my plans to leave this place, of my own proverbial stem—my connection to the werewolf world, to my people—being cut when I found an Alpha replacement and went back to the human world without the woman I had loved since childhood.

And I thought of how my own glow would dim when that day came.

…

The Elders were seated around the circular wooden meeting table when I entered the room. I had called them here for a meeting, and they had all arrived early—just as I expected.

“Alpha Chris,” Elise said, standing and bowing as I entered.

I waved her off with my hand as I strode past. “No need for formalities,” I said brusquely, not even bothering to sit in my chair. I pressed my fingertips into the table and leaned forward to address all of them with a stern gaze. “This will be quick.”

The Elders exchanged glances. “Chris, if this is about Miss Lily—” Degas began, but I cut him off as well.

“Lily and I have discussed options other than marriage, and we decided to work toward a pack summit and trade agreement to unify our packs instead in the near future,” I said. “As for whether I’ll be here when that happens…”

My voice trailed off, and I glanced around, gauging the Elders’ reactions. Elise and Degas’s faces remained stoic, while the others shifted uncomfortably in their chairs. Elder Bradley ran his hands through his unkempt red hair, just as he always did when he was nervous. Fatima and Claire exchanged looks, pursing their lips worriedly. But no one interrupted.

“You are simply trying to delay the inevitable with these schemes of yours,” I said, straightening. “And I won’t have any more of it. I want you to begin preparations for the Alpha selection process. Immediately.”

“Chris—”

Elise went to stand, but Degas put his weathered hand out toward her arm and stopped her. He nodded, his bushy eyebrows furrowing. “Very well, Alpha Chris,” he said. “If that is what you wish…”

“It’s not what I wish. It’s what I command.”