Chapter 50

The idea of my child resenting me was heartbreaking. If this all really happened, then what would my baby know about me? What poison would Elroy and Rita tell them, if I was never there to prove my love?

That was the last straw for me, and I curled into myself to cry. It was just too much. Astor awkwardly wrapped his arms around me, one hand gently stroking my back in soothing circles.

"Shh, it's alright," Astor murmured, pulling me into his chest. "Let it all out. I'm here for you."

I didn’t bother trying to respond; I just needed to cry myself out, and then I’d be able to think clearly again, but I realized just how many tears I had to cry. I’d bulldozed through so much, desperate to keep going, but trauma was a faster runner than me. Of course it had caught up to me.

I cried for everything, all at once. Years of unnecessary treatments that ended in betrayal, the life I thought the Moon Goddess had planned for me crashing down, the horror of the pack bond snapping, it all flooded through me. Every desperate decision I’d made since that afternoon I’d heard Damian and Louisa whispering my failures like sweet nothings to each other had all accumulated into this.

I hadn’t just left my home, I’d been kicked out. Banished, hardly more than a criminal in the eyes of the people I had wanted to spend my life serving. I’d had all the evidence, and they still chose Damian’s side.

I’d had to choose between the certainty of insanity if I became a Rogue, and the certainty of being thwarted at every corner if I joined the rival pack. I’d had to decide what would give my child the best life, ignoring everything else, even my own needs. And, stupidly, I had let it happen again.

I knew better than to blame myself, but at the same time, I had to wonder what it was about me that made loyalty so difficult. Was everyone else just an inherently better option, or was I really so easy to use? Damian wanted my status, Elroy wanted my baby…what would be demanded of me next, my life?

My wolf howled mournfully. She had held out so much hope.

I had no one to blame but myself; I’d known I was letting Elroy get too close. He just made it so easy, did everything right. Even now I wished he was here to hold me.

Gradually, my crying subsided to sniffles. I became all too aware of Astor’s arms around me, his scent—so different from the one I craved—enveloping me. It just rubbed me so wrong to be in another man’s arms like this.

I shifted away, sure Astor would jump at the chance to release me. I really was grateful for his help, but he was probably silently begging for freedom. Nobody wanted to deal with a hormonal pregnant woman, and the closeness was starting to make me uncomfortable anyway.

To my surprise, Astor's arms tightened, keeping me pressed against him. Confusion and a flicker of unease stirred in my chest.

"Astor?" I questioned, trying to keep my voice from betraying my sudden discomfort. "I'm okay now. You can let go."

I didn’t want to offend the man who had just held me while I cried, but I needed a little space to compose myself. The long hesitation before he relaxed his hold on me made my alarm bells go off.

When he did finally pull back, it wasn’t by much. He kept his hands on my upper arms, keeping me anchored to him whether I wanted it or not.

“Nothing’s going to happen to you, Olivia,” he said, his gaze too intense as it bore into me. “To you or your baby. I promise.”

I cringed back as much as I could, every part of me buzzing with unpleasant nerves. The way he was talking made it sound so…personal.

“I appreciate it,” I told him, looking away, “but I’m really alright. I needed that cry, that’s all.”

"Olivia," Astor said determinedly, hands tightening on my arms like iron bands, "my brother is a damn fool. How can he not see what an incredible woman you are?"

I swallowed hard, shaking my head. This couldn’t be happening, right? "Please, don't..."

"No, listen to me," Astor insisted. "You deserve so much better. Someone who truly appreciates you."

My breath caught in my throat. No, no, no, no, no, no, no…

"I love you, Olivia," Astor declared, his eyes burning with sincerity. " I'll treat you the way you deserve. Give us a chance."

I wanted to laugh. He loved me? We barely knew each other, the only time we’d ever spent together was done for the investigation, he’d never reached out to me or me to him. He dared to call that love, just because he learned how to tolerate me?

My heart sunk. This wasn’t really about me. Astor didn’t love me, he just loved the idea of taking something from Elroy.

I’d been confessed to twice in my life, once by a man who fucked my stepsister and once by a man who just wanted to fuck over his own brother. To both of them, I was nothing but a tool.

I didn’t laugh, though. I didn’t curse. I was alone in a room with an Alpha nearly twice my size, vulnerable and cornered, and my heart pounded in my chest as I realized the razor’s edge I was dancing on.

I had aura, but he had physical strength. If worse came to worse I’d be looking at serious injuries, at best. I didn’t want to believe Astor would be the type to hurt a woman, but I hadn’t thought he’d be the type to corner one either.

I took a deep breath, steadying myself. “Astor, I’m flattered, but I am your brother’s Mate. That bond is sacred.”

“He obviously doesn’t think so,” Astor said, almost desperately. I couldn’t deny how badly that reminder hurt.

“That’s his problem,” I retorted evenly. “I will not break a vow I made before the Goddess just because he did it first.”

“But you ran from your ex!”

“I hadn’t vowed myself to Damian,” I said, a little sharply. “I didn’t have his ring, his Mark, or his pup. You have to see how that’s different.”

Astor's face fell, but determination quickly replaced his disappointment. He reached out, moving his grasp from my arms to my wrists before I could pull away. It was a sick bastardization of holding hands.

"Olivia, please. I know you're scared, but think about it. Our connection... it's real."

I pressed my lips together, tugging my arms a little in the hopes he would back off. “Let go, Astor,” I said. But he held firm, eyes pleading.

"I'll take care of you," he insisted, his voice low and urgent. "You and the baby. I'll love you both like you deserve."

I struggled a little harder, but he just gripped my hands tighter. “You feel this too, Olivia, I know you do!”

“The only thing I feel right now,” I said, “is taken advantage of.”

Astor’s wide eyed flinch said he couldn’t believe I would accuse him of such a thing. He was so, so blind—and I had been too, for not seeing this coming. Either that or he was a damn good actor.

“You don’t mean that,” he said, shaking his head.

“I do,” I replied. “I turned to you for help in—in a terrible moment, and your response is to proposition me as soon as I stop crying? I can’t presume to tell you what you feel, Astor, but I can tell you it’s not love.”

Astor looked hurt, heartbroken even, but I couldn’t care. The fact was that I had trusted him, at least for a moment, and now I would never be able to do it again. I pulled on my hands again, but Astor panicked and yanked them back, pulling me forward into his space.

My mind was running through a million calculations. I had to get out of here without getting hurt, or triggering another panic attack, but I couldn’t figure out how. Should I just pull out my aura and run while he’s overwhelmed?

I heard the doorknob jiggle as someone grasped it and hope soared in my chest. Astor would have to back down with a third party present, it was the perfect way out, as long as it wasn’t—

It was Elroy.

Time seemed to freeze as Elroy stepped into the room, his expression morphing from surprise to confusion to anger in rapid succession. I realized the position we were in—with me forcibly pulled towards Astor it looked a lot like I was leaning into him, like I was letting him tenderly hold my hands and comfort me after I’d clearly been crying. In a private room, too.

It didn’t look good.

I hated that I was going to have to convince him of my innocence. I hated knowing that he wasn’t going to believe me.

Elroy’s growl was dark and deadly as his voice pierced the room. "What the fuck is going on here?"