Chapter 47

I was exhausted. I’d heard people say they were bone-tired, but this went deeper than my bones. It was like my panic had reached inside of me and sapped something vital straight out of my soul, leaving me less than a whole person should be.

Once the worst had passed, Elroy picked me up and carried me to our hallway, with Astor trailing behind. I just sagged against Elroy’s chest, too drained to protest, or even open my eyes. It was nice being in his arms, and what was I going to do, walk there on my own?

I forced my eyes open as Elroy lay me gently on a bed, looking up at the dark ceiling of the Ruby Room.

"Elroy," I rasped, my voice trembling. It took everything in me to speak, but this couldn’t wait. "The baby... we need to make sure..."

He nodded, worry etched across his face. "Astor’s gone to get mom,” he said, brushing the hair off my sweaty face with a tenderness that scared me. I hadn’t even noticed Astor had left.

I closed my eyes. It was okay, Iris was coming. Elroy had it handled.

Minutes of silent floating later, Iris bustled in, her medical bag in tow. Her calm demeanor soothed my frayed nerves as she stepped up to the bedside.

“Hello, Olivia,” she smiled, putting a pulse oximeter on my fingertip. “Had a bit of a scare there, eh? Take a deep breath for me.”

I did as she instructed, laying still as she listened to my heart and lungs, then pulled up my shirt a little to place her stethoscope right in the crook of my pelvis, where I knew my baby was cradled. It was a struggle to keep my breathing even then, her face betraying nothing.

I felt my heartbeat speed up and tried to force myself to calm down. How the hell I had the energy to get worked up again, I didn’t know, but I knew it wasn’t going to do any good. After all, Iris wasn’t saying anything, so that was good, right?

Unless she wasn’t saying anything because it was bad. Oh Goddess, was it bad?

"Olivia," Iris's voice cut through my spiraling thoughts. "The baby is fine. Can you tell me more about what happened today?”

“It was worse than the last one,” I croaked, taking the water glass Astor rushed to hand me. Elroy helped me hold my head up to drink it. “This was more…desolate, I guess?”

Iris gently took my hand. “I don’t want to push you, dear, but could you expand on what you mean?” I blinked up at the ceiling, trying to organize my scattered thoughts.

“It took me to a darker place,” I said, gathering the words. “Like someone was whispering everything bad that’s ever happened in my life and telling me how it was all my fault. A lot of thoughts of not being good enough.”

Elroy’s hand stalled in stroking my hair, and Astor made a wounded sound.

“I know it’s not true,” I clarified, not willing to deal with any of that mess right now. And besides, I did know I was blameless—I just, apparently, didn’t believe it. “But in the moment…”

Iris nodded, understanding. I realized she must have had episodes like this a thousand times locked up in that cage they called a tower.

“I’m glad you know it’s not your fault,” she said resolutely. “I also know it’s not always easy to tell yourself that. You’re incredibly strong.”

I looked away, feeling my face heat. I’d never known what to do with this kind of praise. Iris gripped my hand a little tighter.

“But you can’t keep on like this,” she continued, “not when it’s so clearly detrimental to both you and the baby. You’re both alright this time, but your blood pressure is still coming back down and another spike like that could cause fetal demise.”

My heart stopped.

I knew the worst case scenario in any pregnancy was miscarriage, but hearing the words ‘fetal demise’ coming from a healer’s mouth, about my baby, was… It was too real. Too concrete.

I could lose my child.

“What do we need to do?” Elroy asked seriously. I was gratefully he was taking the reigns—I couldn’t keep my thoughts straight anymore. ‘Fetal demise.’

“Rest,” Iris said immediately, looking me in the eye. “I’m recommending a full day of bedrest, and a strict schedule moving forward.”

I chewed on my lip, my hand falling over my belly. “I understand, but the investigation…”

"Can wait," Elroy interjected firmly. "Your health comes first."

I shook my head, feeling torn. “I know I have to do better,” I said, “but a full day? We were so close to a breakthrough, and the victims can’t afford to just wait--”

“If the situation were any different I’d be ordering you to take three days of bedrest and stay out of the office for a week in total,” Iris interrupted me. “This is very serious.”

"Fine," I conceded, shaken. "Today off, and regular hours after that." Iris smiled at me.

“Good,” she said, sounding relieved. “I’ll come back tomorrow and we’ll discuss what regular hours will look like, but for the rest of the day you have no responsibilities except to your body. Trust us to handle everything else.”

As the door closed behind Iris, with Astor begrudgingly following, Elroy's demeanor shifted. I watched as his usual confident facade crumbled, revealing a vulnerability I'd never seen from him. My heart clenched.

He sank onto the edge of the bed, his hand instinctively reaching for my belly as I watched his face. He looked…exhausted.

"Olivia," he began, his voice uncharacteristically soft, "when I saw you struggling to breathe... I've never been so terrified." His fingers splayed protectively over my stomach. "The smell of your panic in the air—I’ve never had such a visceral reaction to anything in my life."

I cringed, guilt creeping up my throat. "Elroy, I-"

"No, let me finish," he insisted, his eyes meeting mine with an intensity that made my breath catch. "I've been blind to your needs, to the toll this is taking on you. On both of you."

His thumb traced gentle circles on my belly. "You know, when I first saw you on the ground, with Astor hovering over you like that…I thought he’d done something to you. I’d have killed him if you hadn’t grabbed onto me, but it turns out the fault wasn’t his, it was mine.

“I’m your Mate, Olivia. I should have known, should have seen, that you needed more than I was giving. I overlooked your stress, and it almost cost us our baby.”

The way his voice cracked just about ripped my heart out of my chest. I couldn’t believe he was blaming himself. Then again, I was blaming myself too, wasn’t I?

Elroy cleared his throat. “I will not let it happen again, I swear to you. I will be a better Mate, a better father—I’ll be more attentive to you and your needs but please, please, do what my mom says, okay?”

My wolf, tired but present, was soothed by his words, but I felt my heart constrict. Stop, I wanted to scream. Stop being so damn caring.

It was easier when things were simple, contractual. This... this made everything so much more complicated.

"Elroy," I managed, my voice barely above a whisper, "you don't have to-"

"I want to," he interrupted, his hand warm against my skin. "Let me take care of you, Olivia. Both of you."

My wolf's voice echoed in my mind. Let him, Olivia. You deserve this. You NEED this.

I closed my eyes, torn between the urge to pull away and the desire to lean into his touch. "Okay," I finally whispered, telling myself it was solely for the baby's sake. "I’ll let you.”

Elroy's relief was palpable, his shoulders relaxing as he gave me a small, grateful smile. He looked like an angel. "Thank you,” he said, like a prayer.

As he continued to caress my belly, murmuring soft promises, I found myself sinking into the comfort of his presence. It was so hard to remind my traitorous heart that this was temporary, necessary only for the child growing within me.

I had decided the moment I found out about this pregnancy that I would do anything for my child. I rejected my Fated Mate, was banished from my pack, entered this contract marriage, and went through incredible pain to unlock my wolf. Not to mention everything that had happened since.

If I could go through all of that, I could go through a few days of Elroy hovering, right?

My wolf growled, unhappy with me. You’re lying to yourself, she accused. It doesn’t make you weak to want him around.

I shook my head, too scared to go down that path. We both knew why we were here, what we were doing this for. This was the baby I’d longed for ever since I was old enough to imagine motherhood, not just Elroy’s magic prophecy baby.

My wolf scoffed, the sound reverberating through my entire being, and I ignored her. I was doing what I had to, for my child.