Chapter 46

Olivia’s POV

Elroy was the first to find words to say to me, and those words were "Olivia, what the hell are you doing?” I hated the way his condemnation felt like an ice block in my chest, heavy and uncomfortable, and making me want to just agree with whatever he said so we wouldn’t have to fight.

Unfortunately, that was not an option.

So I met his eyes, fully prepared to defend my decision with everything I had. Fully prepared to lose the only ally I had. It hurt—god, fuck, it hurt!—but there were people who needed to be helped.

I opened my mouth, but the minute my eyes met his my voice halted, too shocked to make a sound. There was no anger on his face, no frustration, but there was fear. Fear for me, for what I was doing, for who I was going against and what that could lead to.

Mostly, though, he looked worried about me. Almost devastated, even. I didn’t understand.

“Luna Olivia, please explain yourself!” one councilman demanded.

“What is there to explain?” I asked coolly. “It’s obvious no resolution will be found, and the longer we drag this on the more valuable time we’re losing.”

“So you want to abandon the investigation?” Astor asked me, looking betrayed.

“When did I say that?” I snapped. “There is nothing, nothing more important than finding our missing pack members, and if you think for one second I’ve lost sight of that then you’ve written me off more than I thought. I will be continuing my investigation privately.”

Outrage erupted in the room, but I could see Elroy’s eyes widen in comprehension—and a little bit of something like pride. I couldn’t help the way that gave me a boost of confidence.

"As Luna, I am free to do as I please in my own time,” I cut off the clamor. “I will not be using pack resources, and therefore will not require the oversight of this magnanimous council. This is my personal investigation, and I will not let politics stand in the way of finding our pack members.”

“You can’t go over our heads like that--!”

“I am over your heads,” I reminded them, silently enjoying the seething looks they gave me when they realized they couldn’t refute me.

“You could impede the official investigation!”

“No more so than you are by removing me, the lead investigator,” I retorted. “There are only two other people who have been involved in this case, and both of them are only capable of devoting part of their time and energy to it. You’ve as good as condemned those Omegas, and for what?”

My chest blazed with determination as I looked at each council member one by one. "I'm ashamed that you'd prioritize political plays over the lives of our packmates. I'm done here."

With that, I turned on her heel and strode out of the room, anchoring myself the sound of my heels clicking on the stone floor. It was much less terrifying than listening to the shouts coming from behind me. Even once the door closed behind me, they were so loud I could still hear them.

The door did make a rather satisfying thud as it slammed behind me, though.

My heart raced, adrenaline coursing through my veins. For all that I’d stayed calm in front of those vultures, the reality of what I’d just done was starting to hit me. I’d just walked away from my Luna trial, and insulted the council while I did.

The council. The council that controlled whether I ever received my full Luna duties or not. The council who must despise me.

Footsteps echoed behind me, sounding further away than they were. "Olivia, wait!" Astor called out, his voice tinged with concern. I registered that I was still walking forward blindly, but he’d catch up, so I didn’t stop.

I’d done the right thing. Had I done the right thing?

For the missing Omegas, yes, of course I had. But what about the rest of the pack? If I never took over the duties of Luna I would never be able to make the changes I’d promised, and Jordan would never design another dress, and all of the servants employed by the manor would look at me and hate me for failing them—

The weight of what I'd just done crashed over me like a tidal wave. My breath came in short, sharp gasps.

"Hey, slow down," Astor said, catching up and gently grasping my arm. "Are you okay?"

I turned to face him, my vision blurring. I tried to focus on his face, but panic clawed at my throat. My legs felt weak, and I stumbled against the wall.

My chest hurt. My vision narrowed, the floor spinning. Some part of me, distant and disconnected, said that this was another panic attack.

The doctor said not to have those. I was hurting my baby.

I choked on air. I couldn’t feel my fingers, or Astor’s hands grasping my shoulders. He was saying something, frantic and trying to hide it, and that numb part of me felt bad that I was worrying him.

I didn’t even think about fighting it. The fear, the anxiety, the realization that I’d really done that and that I’d have to pay the consequences—they were filling up my skin until there wasn’t even room for me in myself anymore. I was helpless.

I couldn’t sense my wolf. For the first time since the Luna ceremony my wolf was nowhere to be found, and I wasn’t Luna Olivia Allegheny anymore. I was Olivia Harp, the girl so defective even her own Fated Mate had to look elsewhere to get what he needed.

I was freefalling. I’d been rejected by the man the Moon Goddess had handpicked for me, I’d been rejected by my family, by the pack I’d been born and raised in, and even by the pack I’d run to in desperation. It finally really hit me; there must be something horribly wrong with me.

A low growl filled my mind, deep and protective, and my nose was flooded with the smell of fresh snowfall. I reached out instinctively, my fingers grappling at Elroy’s shirt, pulling him closer, feeling his warmth against me as he folded around me like a living shield. I was wrapped in his arms and held to his chest, and I let his presence seep into me and slowly replace the nothing-everything that had filled me before.

“Breathe, Olivia, that’s it… You’re doing so well, you were incredible in there, I’m so proud of you…I’m here, it’s alright, breathe…”

I didn’t really understand the words, really, but my stuttering breaths started coming more regularly as I clung to every word out of Elroy's mouth. I took deep breaths of his wintery scent, letting it slowly calm my heart rate.

"That's it," Elroy murmured, his thumb tracing soothing circles on my cheek. "Just breathe with me."

I nodded, focusing on the steady rise and fall of his chest. The warmth of his body seemed to seep into mine, chasing away the chill of fear that had gripped me for what felt like an eternity.

It was like a drug, really. Elroy's scent, his voice, his warmth—his entire presence was like a balm for my frayed nerves, providing that something that Astor's reassurance had been missing. I let my instincts take over as I slowly relaxed into my Mate's chest.

There were still so many worries. The council could strip me of my duties, the pack could turn against me, Elroy could grow tired of me … Nothing was fixed, not even close, and I knew I should have been ashamed showing this side of me to my Mate, but I wasn’t.

All I could be was grateful, because I knew he'd keep me safe until I could breathe on my own again.