Chapter 106

Olivia POV

We traveled quickly down the forest road to the small inn where one of the horses would “go lame,” and a quick swap of horses would be made. Meanwhile, Ines and I would trade places as well.

Looking out the mesh-covered window of the carriage, I felt something in my stomach. Was it the baby or just a touch of gas? I wasn’t sure yet. I hope it was my pup I was feeling. Like me, perhaps they missed their father.

The inn came into view, and I looked at Jordan.

“Be careful,” I told her. “People will be watching you closely in hope of having some good gossip.”

“You’re the one who needs to be careful,” Jordan said, peering at the inn with drawn brows and pursed lips.

A woman wearing a large gray hooded cape emerged from the inn and came to the carriage. She looked up as I opened the door and let her inside.

“Luna,” Ines said.

“Thank you for doing this,” I told her. Ines took off her cape and handed it over. I smiled. “You look good in white.”

“Goddess forgive me for the pretense,” she said, sounding unexpectedly sober as she looked down at the Luna robes she wore.

“Are you all right?” Jordan asked.

I’m fine,” she said shortly, matching Jordan’s looks of concern as she looked me over. “There are three betas inside to walk you to the stables,” she told me. “I wish there were more.”

“I’ll be fine,” I said as I put on the cape and pulled the hood down over my forehead. Then I kissed both women on the cheek and got out. None of the people working with the horses looked my way as I walked into the inn where, indeed, three sober-looking beta wolves were waiting for me, one in his gray wolf form.

Ines didn’t know it, but they were all members of the Palace Guard. They did not make any mistakes such as calling me “Luna” or bowing but just quietly took their positions around me as we walked to the horses that had been saddled for us. I hadn’t been on a horse since I became pregnant, but I managed to settle myself without incident.

Of course, we went back at quite a slow pace. Still, in a little over an hour I was walking into the Lily Room, which felt somewhat cold without Elroy or Jordan there to greet me.

I looked around, thought about writing a letter, and then turned and strode out, the gray cape still hiding my face and form.

Iris was in her rooms showing Rodin how to add a liquid drop by drop into a flask.

“You must watch for the faintest sign of color,” she was telling him as he watched avidly and nodded at her words.

I waited until she handed the flask and dropper to Rodin and dismissed him from the room before I walked up to Iris and pushed my hood back. She nodded as though she had been expecting me and gave me a kiss on the cheek that made me think of Ines and Jordan.

“I see you’re back safely,” she said. “I’m afraid I’ve had no news from Elroy yet, but then, it’s really too soon to expect any.”

“That’s why I’m here,” I told her. “I was hoping you might be able to help me with the mindlink.”

Iris’s face grew pensive, and I braced myself for the reality check she was doubtlessly going to give me.

A mated Alpha and Luna typically knew an intimacy beyond most, though not all other, mated pairs. At this point, we should be joined together mentally, and we weren’t. I sometimes felt the hint of his mood or sensed when he was nearby, but the sort of awareness I should have for him was absent.

Some Alpha/Luna pairs made this mental connection the moment they met, others when they joined physically, still others when they officially mated. It was well past time for Elroy and I to know the other’s feelings. I should be able to tell if he were hurt, if he needed me, if he were happy or anxious.

Indeed, the growth of our child inside me was supposed to be uniting us so completely we might even be able to share thoughts. We should—

My own thoughts interrupted me: You should have been able to transform when you were in your early teens. Even now, you do not feel your wolf as you should. Is it any wonder Elroy’s wolf and yours do not join?

So, here I was watching her many concerns move across Iris’s face. She had helped me to reach my wolf before; could she help me again?

“I need to do some research,” she said finally, which wasn’t an actual admission that she couldn’t help me, for which I was grateful. “It’s true that you should be sharing the mindlink by now, but you’re hardly the first to have had trouble in this area.”

She smiled at me reassuringly. “I’m sure we can do something to help you.”

I embraced her in gratitude. “May the Goddess bless you for trying.”

She chuckled and pulled back to look at me. “Don’t sound so resigned. We reached your wolf in time for your ceremony, didn’t we? This too will be something we achieve together.”

Heartened by her words, I took leave of her and returned to the Lily Room before finally doffing my cape. A servant Jordan swore by, Annette, was there, and with her help I changed from the formal robes I had worn to say goodbye to Elroy and his soldiers. Annette brought me a light lunch, and then I took a nap.

I was getting to the point where I really couldn’t make it through the day without resting for at least an hour. Then I took care of my bladder while contemplating a future where I needed to perform that particular chore with increasing frequency during the day and night.

A wave of longing for my mother hit me. A woman should be able to turn to her mother for help when she was creating new life. It wasn’t fair.

Sternly, I reminded myself that life wasn’t fair and my life was much better than that of many others. I looked out the window and reminded myself of my duty to the Pack, to my Alpha, and to myself until I was over the moment of self-pity.

Then, finally, I was able to sit at my writing desk and get to work.

Dearest Elroy, Mate, and Alpha,

I hear from the Apothecary the moonlight tonight should be particularly lovely. Part of me wants to race through the woods with our child to lend me strength, but I must confess I’m a little tired these days and mostly find myself lounging about.

It was a good enough start, I thought.

I want to ask if there is any news about Denis or any of the other Rogue wolves, but I know you’re doubtlessly still on the move. I hope you are being as careful as you can be and confess to worrying about you, but I also rejoice in the knowledge that soon you will return to me victorious after having made the Pack safe from those who would seek its harm.

The Winter Palace is lovely, just as you said. I particularly like the green room with the doors that open out onto the garden, just as you said I would.

I miss you.

I thought about erasing that final line. It wasn’t part of our code, and perhaps it revealed too much.

But in the end, I just signed the letter and handed it over to Annette. Elroy probably wouldn’t even notice it.