Chapter 74

“Oh.” I shudder in ecstasy and close my eyes.

I stay flattened against the wall as the wave of pleasure continues to roil through me.

Ansel is watching me.

“What do you feel?” His blue eyes are sharp, but his voice and facial expression are dulled.

“What are you asking me,” I say, breathless. My mind returns to our first interaction after he brought me here from the auction block. Is he hoping for nostalgia? Because that was sexual pleasure wrapped up in a fear sandwich. I don’t have exactly warm feelings about it.

“Without Ada.”

“Ansel, I felt the physical aspect of it. It felt good.”

“And nothing else?”

“Nothing else. And even if there was still something, I’d already made up my mind to leave, for all the same reasons I told you before. None of that’s changed.”

“I guess there’s nothing left to salvage.” No emotion registers on his face.

“No.”

“Just so you we’re clear on my end, baby or no baby, Ada or no Ada. I’m done with you, too.”

“Fine,” I say.

“Let one of my staff know where to send for you to come back for your pregnancy test.” His voice is just as drained of emotion. Hollow.

I make my way to my bedroom to gather a few of my things. I’ll leave the bulk of it. It’s all been bought and paid for by Ansel and none of it really feels like mine now.

I have no one. No income. Nowhere to go. I don’t know what to do, except set off, and hope for the best, but then Doc’s purple scarf flashes in my mind.

Just then, there’s a knock at the door.

“Come in.”

Maggie enters, looking distressed.

“Karin, are you okay? I’ve heard… some things about Ethan - and Ansel told me to come help you pack.”

“That was nice of him,” I say. “I’ve been weirdly surprised by him a few times today now. He’s kind of going with the flow, this afternoon - mostly.” I think back to him pleasuring me to elicit some kind of emotional response.

“You seem weirdly chipper,” Maggie says.

“I don’t feel chipper,” I say. “I don’t feel much of anything right now.”

“You’re in shock,” Maggie says. “The past few days have been awful, and today was…”

“A living nightmare,” I say.

I don’t know if it’s Ada or shock, but I’m definitely just going through the motions. Right now, I’m taking it as a good thing. I’d probably be a puddle on the floor, otherwise.

I throw my journal and pen into a small bag. “I don’t need help packing,” I say. “But I do need help reaching Joy. I’m hoping to stay with her.”

“I know it’s not my place, but would you consider, at all, staying?” Maggie’s brow is crinkled in worry.

“No,” I say. “I’m not doing this anymore.”

“I know he’s moody,” Maggie says. “But -“

I’m shaking my head. “I’m ready to get back to being me again.”

Although, I guess it will be a new me, without Ada, won’t it?

I zip up my bag. “I want to start dancing again. I need my own life - my own agency.”

“Did you tell him that,” Maggie asks.

“Yeah, I told him. But I didn’t ask his permission to get it. I’ll go find it.”

“Karin, what happened today? Can you tell me? I don’t understand any of this. I’m just feeling shocked, myself - and confused - and worried for you.”

I sit down on the bed. “Okay, well, Ethan snuck in. He pointed out some things that opened my eyes to the truth about things between me and Ansel.”

“What things?”

“That it’s not good enough to be fated mates. It doesn’t excuse certain things. And it doesn’t add up to someone really caring about you if they’re using you.”

Maggie bites her lip. She sits down in a chair next to the bed. “Things may have started out as a contract, but that was before you got to know each other again.”

“He didn’t do away with it when things changed.”

“Maybe he didn’t think he had to. Maybe he thought you understood.”

I shake my head. “I don’t believe that. And things have been so rocky lately, knowing it’s still in place has been a fear in my mind. I haven’t known if he would just take the baby, per our contract, if I got pregnant, or if I would still be, you know, part of their lives.”

“Karin, just tell him you don’t want a contract. Tell him what you just told me.”

“What makes you think he would go along with that?”

“Because he loves you.” Maggie’s face is sad.

“It doesn’t add up,” I say.

“More like, everything adds up! It’s so freaking obvious, I could scream!” Her cheeks are flushed and her eyes are bright. “I’m sorry,” she says. “But it’s true.”

“No,” I say. “Because, the crux is this. He kept the contract in place. He could have paid my father’s debts, personally. That’s the only reason I agreed to all of this, and he knows that. So, the fact that he didn’t help my father - who is actually dying in prison, right now, Maggie! It shows that he wanted to keep the arrangement. He wanted to have a hook to keep me in it.”

Maggie frowns. “Then why go to the Full Moon pack to try and get your father out?”

“I don’t know,” I say. “I have no idea. Maybe just to keep me reeled in, believing he was helping me. And all the while, he knew they would never let him out without settling the debts.”

Maggie shakes her head. “I don’t know, but I have a hard time buying that. Knowing Ansel and knowing what Henry told me about what that meeting was like.”

Her persistence begins to irritate me. “You’ve drunk the Ansel Kool-Aid.”

She blinks. “That’s kind of low, don’t you think?”

“Actually, I think it’s true. You’ve been going along with all of this with me and Ansel. All of this toxic shit, like it’s just normal.”

Her eyes widen. “I haven’t done anything but try to help you and be your friend!”

“Maybe friends should tell each other the truth!”

“Maybe they should,” she says, voice raised. She stands up from the chair. “And here’s the truth, Karin - what Ethan told you was for his own gain. I don’t know why Ansel hasn’t paid your father’s debts, but if you would talk to him, I’m sure there’s a reason.”

Maggie sighs and unclenches her fists. “You love your father and you’re worried about him. I get that. But Ethan took that and ran with it. And that’s totally clouded your judgment - to the point that you trusted him over Ansel, and now you’re throwing everything away!”

“Ethan didn’t make that up,” I said. “He didn’t just waltz in here and lie to me!”

“He was obsessed with you, Karin. He’d say anything. And no, he didn’t have to lie. He just had to use what he knows - what he knew - you care about.”

My father and dancing.

I hesitate. I replay the moments I spent with him. “Maggie, I think he was very sincere. I know he was.”

“There’s something not right about it all,” she says.

His dead body resurfaces in my mind. “Yeah,” I say. “The fact that Ansel basically killed him.”

“He ordered for his arrest. That’s not even close to the same thing.”

“How would you know? You’re just an apologist for Ansel! I was in the room when Ansel attacked him. You weren’t. I saw Ethan’s dead…” I sniff and my voice cracks. The emotion I thought was gone is not gone at all. “His dead body. I saw the guardrail. The overturned car in the river. Not you.”

“I’m so sorry,” Maggie says. Her eyes look shiny with tears.

“I don’t equate that to love,” I say, wiping my nose. “That’s not love. That’s control. An attempt to, anyway.”

“I’m not saying it’s good.” Maggie pulls at the skirt of her dress. Then, she looks up at me. “But is it unexpected? How would you feel if it was Cherry?”

“I wouldn’t attack her. I would want to, maybe.”

“You don’t know what you’d do! The gossip is that you kissed him and Ansel saw.”

My body tightens defensively. Hearing it out loud also makes me feel ashamed for the first time. From the moment Ansel walked in and I was so worried about his reaction, I’ve been feeling like the victim. Now, I’m peppered in doubt. Maybe I got things backwards.

“Yes,” I say, softly. I can’t meet her eyes.

“Karin, we all make mistakes sometimes.” Her voice is gentle. “And Ansel reacted out of emotion. I don’t think he would have killed him. He can be - intense - but I’ve worked here a long time, and so has Henry. He has a very strict moral code. When he rescued you, that’s just something he does on a Tuesday night.”

I put my head in my hands. Maggie makes it all seem so easy, so logical, so explainable. I feel myself getting roped back in, and I don’t want to be roped in ever again.

“Are you okay,” she asks, bending down to put her hand on my back.

I straighten up. “I’m alright. But I’ve already made up my mind about what I need to do. This has all been a roller coaster and I’m worn out. I’m just ready to put an end to things... Can you reach Joy for me?”

Maggie looks like she wants to say something, but she purses her lips and nods curtly, leaving quickly.

I grab my bag and take in the opulence of the room before walking out. It’s time to leave this world behind me.