Chapter 73

Ansel is in his office, talking with Henry and two of their men.

I burst through the door. They all stand, reflexively - always on-guard. Save for a hole in the wall, everything else in the room has already been repaired and replaced. That’s why money gets you.

I’m aware that my face is red and puffy from crying, but I don’t care. In fact, maybe an audience has some benefits.

“Our deal is off,” I say.

Ansel turns to his staff. “Get out,” he says, gruffly.

They immediately exit, keeping their expressions flat and their eyes toward the floor.

Ansel sits down at his desk. “Fine,” he says. He opens his desk drawer and pulls out a folder. “Here it is. The contract,” he says, handing it to me.

“You’re - you’re just giving it to me?” I didn’t expect this reaction from him.

“Here’s the shredder,” he says, pointing to his opposite side. I lean over to see it near his desk. “Or tear it up, if you’d rather. Set it on fire.”

I open the folder and pull out our contract. My finger runs over the large sum of money promised to me. My stomach knots.

I’ll find another way to help Dad.

Then I pause.

Damn it! The AI.

I inhale and stuff it back in the folder.

“On second thought,” I say. “I could be pregnant for all I know.”

Ansel’s jaw tenses.

“I should find out first, before I tear this to shreds.”

“Perhaps so,” he says, stiffly. “Wouldn’t want to miss out on your payment.”

I give him my most ‘go to hell’ stare. “It seems reasonable if I’m knocked up with a baby I wasn’t planning on otherwise.”

Ansel looks down at his desk. His lips are pursued, like he’s biting his tongue.

I tuck the folder under my arm. “Ethan is dead.”

He doesn’t react at all. “I know,” he says.

“Your men obviously chased him down to the point that he lost control of his vehicle and plowed through a guardrail.” The emotion of it catches me again. I try not to start crying.

Ansel swallows. “I’m not sorry he’s dead, Karin. I’m just not. But no one intended this, if that’s what you’ve come in here to accuse me of.”

“I came in here to tell you I’m leaving,”

Ansel freezes for a moment. Then he stands up. “Naturally,” he says. “If that’s all, I have other things to attend to.”

Before I can answer, he’s out the door and out in the hall. He walks swiftly toward the staircase.

“You won’t try to stop me,” I ask.

“I told you, you were always free to leave.”

For the second time, he surprises me. I’d expected fireworks.

“I guess there’s nothing left to say, then.” I marvel at how easy it is, to know I’m leaving, but then I register why - Ada’s MIA.

What am I, if she’s gone?

“Ansel,” I say, as he climbs the stairs.

He pauses.

“Am I different to you? Or to Jeff?”

“You smell like him,” Ansel says, in disgust.

“Other than that. Can Jeff find Ada?”

Ansel looks at me quizzically. I climb up the stairs to meet him. If anyone will have answers, it’s Jeff.

Ansel’s silent while he’s listening to Jeff. His eyes search over me.

“What did you do?” Ansel looks at me, appalled.

“I don’t know,” I say. “She’s gone.”

“She’s not gone,” Ansel says. “She’s severed. You cut her out of you.”

“Is that not the same as gone?”

“It’s more like a fracture, and you’re both on different planes - and you don’t even care, do you?” He tilts his head, scrutinizing my flattened expression.

I think for a moment. “No,” I say. “I don’t know why, but I don’t.”

Ansel’s brow is furrowed. “You’re not fully a werewolf anymore, Karin. You should probably give a shit.”

“Maybe I’m just free,” I say.

“Oh,” he says. “Free from me, you mean.”

“If you know that, then you’ve wished for the same thing, yourself. To be free of me.”

“Of course I have,” he says.

I lean up against the rail while he coughs. “That’s good. I don’t have to feel guilty about leaving you, then.”

“Would you have, anyway?”

“If I thought I hurt you, yes.”

Ansel frowns. He shakes his head. “That’s hard to buy. You hate me so much that you severed your connection to your wolf somehow.” He looks away.

I don’t have an answer to that, because I guess it’s true, even if it wasn’t intentional.

Ansel turns back to me and he takes my arm. “May I,” he asks. He slowly unwraps it. The fabric pulls at my wound, even though he’s trying to be gentle. Immediately, it starts bleeding again.

“Come on,” he says.

“Why?”

He sighs. “Just come on.”

We climb back down to the little medical room. “Sit down,” he tells me, but I don’t. He pulls out some first aid supplies. “You’re not going to heal from this now, without Ada. Or at least, not near as well.”

“Why do you care,” I ask, as he’s applying a butterfly bandage.

“I’m the one who inflicted it,” he says, flatly.

I wince with pain.

‘Sorry,” he says, as he begins to apply another. It aggravates the wound, which begins to bleed like crazy.

“Shit,” he says. “We may have to get Doc here to stitch this before you go.”

All the blood is making me a little woozy. “Here,” Ansel says, helping me sit down. “He’ll be on his way soon.”

“Mindlink?”

“Mmm.” Ansel is wrapping up my arm again to try and stop the bleeding. “Karin,” he says, quietly. “Did you love him?”

“No,” I say, shaking my head.

“Then why?”

“Because it felt nice.”

Ansel’s eyes search mine.

“When you’re feeling awful inside, you just want to feel something else,” I say. “It’s not an excuse, but that’s why.”

He continues watching me.

“You are different,” he says. “I can tell that she’s missing.”

“Why,” I ask. “What can you tell?”

“You don’t notice anything? Really?”

“I just feel a sense of freedom, like I told you.”

Ansel rolls his eyes.

“Not just about you,” I say. “About everything.” And it’s true. I even feel my sadness about Ethan fading.

“Karin,” he says. “When Doc gets here, I want to ask if he can do bloodwork to confirm or deny a pregnancy.”

“I guess,” I say.

“If you are,” Ansel says. “Then we need to reevaluate your leaving.”

I shake my head.

“Don’t argue,” he says.

Doc makes good time. He’s wearing a purple scarf that looks very much like something Joy would have picked out. He takes off the scarf and his jacket and washes his hands. Then strides over to me.

“This is a nasty wound,” he says, examining me. “How’d you get this?”

“Collateral damage, I guess.” I’m not about to get into the details, but that seems to satisfy Doc.

Doc cleans and stitches it, while Ansel sits in a chair across from me.

“You’ll be good as new soon,” Doc says.

“Doc?” Ansel shifts in his chair. “Is it too soon to do Karin’s bloodwork?”

“Too soon,” agrees Doc. “We need to be at least six days out from ovulation. You’ve got a few more to go.”

“But you did a blood test on her before -“

Doc waves his hands. “I know,” he says. “Just a precaution. It was time for new bloodwork, anyway. But, I’ll come back and we’ll test her later this week.”

After he leaves, Ansel stays seated in the chair. “Will you come back for the test,” he asks.

I chew it over for a second. “Yes,” I say. “And if I’m not pregnant, then we’ll burn this.” I lift up the folder next to me.

Ansel nods. “I probably won’t need an heir now. Not since I’m going to lose the election.”

“Worked out as the universe intended, then.” I hop up and stride to the door.

I look back at Ansel who’s now sitting with his head in his hands. “How did this all go so wrong,” he says, without looking at me. He runs his hands through his blond hair.

“I’m sorry,” I say, walking back toward him.

He shakes his head. “No, you’re not.” He stands up, visibly angry now. “This is the second time you’ve rejected me.” His expression goes cold. “There won’t be another.”

“What makes you think I would ever try a relationship with you again? And I didn’t drag myself into all of this in the first place, you did!”

“Goddamn it, Karin!” He grabs my upper arms, right below my shoulders, and I think for a moment, that he wants to shake me and yell at me, but instead, he pulls me into a kiss.

I’m slow to respond, and he notices. He deepens his kiss instead, shoving me against the wall.

Ada isn’t here, but it’s near damn impossible to be kissed like this, by a - let’s face it - gorgeous man, and not get heated up by it.

But my brain kicks in.

“Hold up,” I say, pulling away. We’re both breathing hard. His lips are reddened from kissing me.

“I want to know,” he says, letting his hand trail down my skirt. “What you feel.”

“Ansel, I can’t,” I say, and gasp.

He inserts a finger inside me, and then another one, He crooks his fingers, back and forth, and I could almost melt into him.

I throw back my head against the wall and moan.

“Tell me, you feel nothing,” he says, with an edge in his voice, as he moves his fingers faster.

I want to stop him, but he knows just how to touch me. I’m pinned to the wall like a moth as the crescendo builds.