Chapter 48
ANSEL POV
“So, how are things with Lady Karin?” Aron asked as he flicks a piece of lint from his jacket. “I know she must be happy that you’ve returned, though a little birdie told me that you haven’t asked her to the Blue Moon ball.”
“You’ve been checking up on me?”
“Absolutely. You two have more drama than a Telenovela.” He turned his face dramatically as if he was slapped. Holding his cheek, he rubbed it. “Que?!” he said with a gasp.
Ansel shook his head. “You’re such an odd duck.”
“Perhaps, but I happily quack amongst those who understand and adore me.” He adjusted himself in his seat. “Seriously, you need to ask her.”
“Why? She already knows she will accompany me.”
“How?”
Ansel scrunched his face. “What do you mean, how? She’s my mate. We’re together. Why wouldn’t she know that?”
“Oh, sweet mother goose,” Aron said, rubbing his forehead. “I’m going to change the topic because I can’t deal with this on a Friday. Overall, are things going well?”
Ansel nodded. “Yes, but I can tell that she’s also sad. She hides it well, but I can still pick up on it.”
“Why do you think she’s sad?”
“She blames herself for not falling pregnant.” He ran his hands through his hair. “She’s been beating herself up about it a lot. I think more for me than for herself.”
Aron clasped his hands in front of him. “Well, how do you feel?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean her not falling pregnant must have, on some level, disappointed you too.” Ansel remained quiet. “It doesn’t make you a bad person for feeling disappointed. You’re allowed to feel that way.”
“I’m not disappointed in her, though.”
“I don’t think you are. I think you’re disappointed in the situation and that’s okay.”
“It’s just so much pressure,” Ansel said. “The election. My father, and the fact that it seems like all the things that I’ve done to aid in the recovery of the werewolf world means nothing if I don’t bear a child. A child isn’t an inanimate object that can be stored away when its purpose is served. It is a living being that no one seems to consider what type of childhood being born within this pressure will bring.
“They don’t consider if it will be loved, nurtured, or if it will be left behind to fend for itself through unjust royal traditions that leaves it feeling more alone than ever. Maybe they will grow sick and be counted out before they even truly lived. Maybe they will have siblings that hate them just for existing.” He shook his head. “Or worse, maybe I’ll be so blinded by the thirst to succeed that I snatch the last bit of childhood that remained after tragedy forced them to grow up faster than any child ever should.”
“Tragedy like the death of a parent?”
Ansel's jaw tightened. “Don’t go there, Aron,” he said.
Aron jotted some notes. “I think it’s time, Ansel,” he said. “We need to talk about the truth of your mother’s passing.”
“I don’t want to talk about her.”
“I know, but she was such an important staple of your childhood. She made you gentle, kind—”
“All the things that make a king weak,” Ansel said, cutting him off. “That boy she molded no longer exists.”
“Are you sure?” Aron said, continuing to press. “You’ve spent the last five years hiding from the world the true reason you wish to be Alpha…to avenge her. You’ve shaped your entire adulthood around what was taken from you when you were a child.”
“Stop.”
“The first woman you’d ever loved; the woman who kept you from your father's grasp died and he pushed your pain to the side, and called you weak for mourning her…”
“I said stop!” Ansel shouted, covering his ears.
“And so, you stopped crying, and became this hardened thing in your father’s image. You may have buried the secret of what happened to her, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.” Ansel rocked his head back and forth, and Aron threw his pen against the wall. “Goddammit Ansel! Speak the truth and shame the devil! She wasn’t sick, it wasn’t an accident, or anything else. Your father fed the world! She was murdered, Ansel! Your mother was murdered!”
“Don’t you think I know that?!” Ansel boomed as his eyes burned bright. He slammed his fist into the table, breaking it in half. “I know and not one fucking person believe me she was, but when I’m king, I’ll show them they should have believed me from the very beginning!”
“You said Karen believed you.”
“And yet she still left me! The only saving grace I had! The person who healed the pain and stopped the nightmares left me like my mother left me! How could they do that to me?! I get why, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt that they said they loved me and still left me with him!” Ansel exhaled sharply and his eyes slowly returned to their natural color. He crashed onto the couch. “I’m sorry,” he said with his head in his hands. “I don’t know where that came from.” He looked up at Aron, who stood and joined him on the couch.
“It came from a man who never healed the little boy inside him. These past few weeks, I’ve watched you open up so much. You’ve grown, and when you speak of your mate, it’s no longer with disdain but understanding. There are so many parts of you that are still broken, and that’s okay. But you need to grasp that though you are made in his image, you are not your father. I can’t imagine what this all may feel like, but I know that in order to not repeat the same mistakes, we have to address the pain.” He paused for a moment. “Do you forgive your mother?”
“Yes, I do.”
“And Karin?”
Ansel thought of his mate, and how her face brightened every time she saw him. “Yes. I forgive her. I think that’s where my true disappointment lies. She’s disappointed in herself because she thinks she is keeping me from my crown, while I’m disappointed in myself from keeping her from becoming the amazing mother I know she will be.”
“From the amazing parents you will be,” Aron corrected. “Remember Ansel, in his image but not him.” He patted Ansel on the back. “Good job today. I think for the sake of my furniture, we should call it.” Returning to his seat, he noticed Ansel hadn’t moved. “Unless there is something else on your mind.” Ansel seemed a million miles away. “Ansel?”
“Sorry.”
“Is something wrong?”
Ansel laid back on the couch. “I’m not sure.”
“Well, tell me about it and we can decide together.”
He nodded. “Alright, well, I’ve been having dreams.”
“Okay. What kind of dreams?”
“Ones of a little girl with eyes like mine but who looks like Karin. A daughter, named Jemma.”
Aron waved him off. “I wouldn’t stress too much about it. Dreams can be reflections of our hidden desires.”
“And if Karin and I are dreaming about the same little girl?”
Aron leaned forward. “What?”
“Yes, Karin told me a few days ago. She described the little girl the same way. I felt something the moment she started talking. She didn’t say her name, but I know she was talking about Jemma.” He paused as a chill ran up his spine. “There’s something else. The way Karin describes her interactions with Jemma varies vastly from mine.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, she said they seem more like a glimpse of things that could be. Like the three of us being a family. Mine aren’t like that. Karin isn’t there, even though I somehow know we’re together. There’s no background or role playing, there’s only Jemma and me. We talk about things that relate to life now. I knew Karin wasn’t pregnant before she told me because Jemma told me so. It was the strangest thing I’d ever experienced. She said to be nice to mommy and to give her a big hug. I was confused until Karin revealed her news about not being pregnant and next thing I knew, the right words and actions took over me.”
Aron covered his mouth, unsure of where to go with the conversation next. “Didn’t you tell me that Karin can enter and control dreams?”
“Yes.”
“Then if Jemma is your child, maybe she has Karin’s ability. If that’s the case, one would reason that’s why Karin’s dreams are the way they are versus yours. Jemma controls the narrative and lets you both see only what she wants you to. When was the last time you dreamed of her?”
Ansel sighed. “Last night. I’d planned to tell Karin that I was having the dreams of Jemma too, but next thing I knew I was sleeping, and Jemma was there.”
“What happened?
“We were walking along the light, and she raised her arms for me to pick her up. When I did, she giggled and grabbed my face. She looked in my eyes and said, don’t tell mommy. And since, I haven’t been able to tell Karin anything about her.”
“Ansel…those are your powers.”
A chill hit him again. “I know, Aron. I don’t know how to make any sense of this.”
“Maybe right now you’re not supposed to. For whatever reason, you and Karin have been given opposite sides of the same coin. My advice? Never tempt the things you don’t understand. If Jemma is navigating you through situations with Karin while binding you from telling her you know of her existence, then you can bet your ass there’s a method to the madness.”
