Chapter 25

My eyes grow to the size of plates. “What?”

“I know all about you and your father joining the Full Moon Pack.” He took a pause between words as if waiting for me to deny it, but I didn’t. He nods again. “Good. I hoped that this would be an honest conversation between us. So, Full Moon Pack. Apparently, your father did very well there at first.”

I exhale sharply. “Then I guess you know the rest. We’ve always joked that the only thing bigger than your father’s head was his classism, and the only thing bigger than my father’s belly was his ego.”

“That we did,” he said with a small smile, and then he grew serious again. “He lost it all.”

“And then some. Before I knew it, it wasn’t just the dance class I had to give up, but the clothes off our backs. That’s when the true fun began, the gambling. Overconfidence in a casino is a lethal combination. Nights without lights and heat soon followed, and then he couldn’t hide how bad it really was for us anymore.”

“I’m sorry,” he says genuinely, and I wave him off.

“Don’t be. Things happen and that’s just the way it is. I’m sure you also know that he’s in prison. Honestly, I hate the idea of him being in there, but it’s better than him being dead. At least it gives me some time to pay his debt and get him out.”

“Is that what you plan to use the money for?”

I nod. “Its double what I need which means we’ll have enough to also start a new life.”

“Is that what you really want?” I purse my lips, and he sighs. “Do you know how frustrating it is to have a conversation with you? I’m not a patient man, and I’ve grown accustomed to using force to get what I want, but I’m here trying something new with you. No powers, no anger.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“I want you to say the truth. In all the information gained on you, I found nothing about marriages, relationships, or affairs.” He leaned forward. “You lied. It’s only been me, hasn’t it?”

“Yes. It’s only been you. Some things are easier to say than others. If I’m dishonest to you about things, it’s only with the best intentions behind it.”

“What best intentions could you have behind lying to me about other men?”

“To set you free.” His eyes soften and I look away, unable to take the storm of emotion brewing in them. “I never expected any of this to happen. I thought I would have been sold and that would be that, and now here I am…with you and all I can think about is how complicated things have gotten because of me.”

Ansel softly turns my face and makes me look at him. “Is that what you think?”

“It’s what I know,” I whisper. “I’m grateful you saved me, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to return the favor. Not with Cherry, not with a baby, not with the truth that you so desperately want to hear.”

He doesn’t speak, but the intensity of his gaze tells me he’s studying me. “I don’t understand you,” he says after a while. “I shouldn’t have used my powers against you, but I’m just trying to understand. I’m all messed up inside about you being here. You rejected me, and told me it’s because you stopped wanting me, but then you look at me like…” He caresses my face, and a tear falls down my cheek. “What is it you aren’t telling me, Karin?” His plea for my honesty hurts me more than when you used his powers on me to try and get me to confess. My stomach twists in knots at the look of confusion on his face.

Please Ansel…I’m trying my best.

“I never meant to hurt you,” I say, pulling away. “I just couldn’t deal with it.”

“With what?”

I gather as much strength as I can muster and clench my fists at my sides. My nails cut deeply into my palms, and I allow the pain to distract me so I can say words I know will crush him again. “You being sick. I thought I could, but it was too much. Always wondering if you were going to die, the medications, the constant doctor’s appointments. It felt like it was swallowing me whole. Then you wanted to give up everything and become a piano teacher, and I thought ‘Karin, you can’t let that happen,’ not when I knew neither of us would have been happy with that kind of life.

“Call it selfish, but what would have happened if you grew too sick to play the piano? What kind of life would we have had then?” I rub my forehead, forcing myself to continue my lie. “So I rejected you. But I mean if you think about it, I guess it all worked out for the best. You’re healthy, respected and can have any and everything you want, including a baby by someone who honors that she couldn’t stand mediocrity, so she made a choice that led us here. I really never meant to hurt you, Ansel, but the life we dreamed of having together was just that, a dream. We are from two different worlds, even more now so.”

The look on his face almost stops my heart. Bright yellow eyes stare back at me in rage and something else. His jaw is flexed so tightly, I worry he will crack a tooth.

He’s angry.

I want him to be. It hurts less than the sweet and honest words that he’d said to me moments prior. I need his anger to consume him so that he will stop asking me for a truth I can’t tell him no matter how much I want to. Instead, Ansel stands and shakes his head.

“One of the best pieces of advice that my mother has ever given me is that when someone shows you who they are, believe them,” he says. “Thank you for finally telling me the truth. I heard you loud and clear.” He walked to the door and grabbed the handle. “Just so you know, whether I was a sick piano teacher or healthy royalty, I would have laid down my life to ensure you wanted for nothing. I see now that hoping you would have had faith in me was an even bigger mistake than marking you.”

He slammed the door, causing me to jump. Pulling my pillow close, I scream into it and mask my strangled sobs. I can hear Ada inside of me.

“Karin—”

“Please Ada. I can’t take the lecture right now. You were right. It hurts too much.”

“You have to tell him. Everything is aligning for us to be with our mate. You can’t keep crushing him.”

“Don’t you think if I could tell him, I would?! Do you really think I enjoy hurting him? I can’t be what he wants me to be. You know that. Please, I’m begging you, just drop it.” She whimpers, and I wipe my eyes. “I’m sorry. I know this is hard for you too, but we can’t change what’s already done.”

Ada slowly calms, and I curl into a ball and wrap my arms around my waist. I knew the moment Ansel showed up in that building that I should have done everything to stay away from him. It had been easier to think he hated me than to watch his anguish grow each time he opens up to me. Closing my eyes, I will myself to sleep hoping to dream of a simple life I once wanted with the love of my life, and a little girl with eyes like his, but who resembles me.