Chapter 17
“I’m sorry. I-I was ju—”
“Not following doctor’s orders? Are you really attempting to seduce an injured man?”
“No! I thought you were sleeping!”
He raises his eyebrow. “And that makes it better?”
“No!” The longer he stares at me, the more tongue-tied I become. “I wasn’t trying to seduce you!”
“Then what were you doing?” He looks at me with genuine curiosity, and once again I feel foolish. I can’t tell him the real reason is that I can’t stop thinking about how much tonight reminded me of how bad things could get. I want to lie, but the truth beats me to it.
“You used to be so sick,” I whisper. His eyes widen, and I look away. “When I saw you tonight, it reminded me of then.”
“I’m fine,” he says, but the lines of his face tighten. “If you haven’t noticed, I’m not that same weak boy. I don’t need you to lose sleep over me. I came here for discretion, not for pity. I’ve been injured worse than this, and I’ve taken care of myself just fine.”
A lump formed in my throat, and I silently nodded. “You’re right,” I say. “I know you can take care of yourself. I’m not pitying you; I was worried.”
“Don’t be.” Turning away from me, he speaks over his shoulder. “It’s been a long day, and I need to sleep.”
“Okay.” He distances himself from me as far as he can go. I wrap my arms around my waist and hold back my tears. Every time I think we’ve made progress, I’m reminded of the truth. Our playful banter is gone, leaving a chill that makes the bed feel bigger than it is. Ada’s sadness mixes with mine, and I peer out of the window until sleep finally comes.
ANSEL’S POV
“That was a shitty thing to do,” Jeff growled to Ansel. “She was worried, and you morphed it into something ugly.”
“I don’t need her pity,” he snapped at his wolf.
“When did caring about someone equate to pitying them?” Ansel remained silent, and Jeff spoke to him again. “No rebuttal, huh? That’s because you know you were a jerk.”
There was nothing he could say because he knew it would be a lie. He had been rude, but he hadn’t meant to be. When he felt her hand on him, he thought it was in a sexual nature. He’d only meant to tease her more, but when she admitted the true reason behind the gesture, something in him snapped. The way she’d looked at him with so much genuine emotion reminded him of the way she looked at him when they were younger. It was the same way she’d looked at him when she professed her feelings, only to reject him and leave him behind. It was a look that deceived him once; he wouldn’t let there be a second time.
“You know what you should do to make it up to her when you’re feeling better,” Jeff said, and Ansel rolled his eyes already knowing what he was suggesting.
“Is sex the only thing you ever think about?”
“Nope. I think about running in the woods, and killing rogues, too. I can multitask. All I’m suggesting is that you show her how powerful you’ve really become. If you really want to show her you aren’t weak anymore, then make her climb the walls.”
Ansel clenched his teeth tightly together to keep from laughing. “Please stop talking. You’re going to make me accidentally wake her up.” He looked at Karin as she slept with her hands around her waist. She was so far at the edge of the bed; he was certain she would fall off. He sighed and reached out for her, and she shrugged him off. Moving closer, he pulled at her and wrapped her in his arms. The erratic beating of her heart slowed as she burrowed under him. Looking down at her one more time, Ansel closed his eyes and fell asleep.
The Next Day
ANSEL POV
Aron leaned back in his chair and adjusted his glasses. Reviewing his notes, he lifted his head. “So, how are things with Karin?” he asked.
Ansel shrugged. “Not bad, not good.”
“Any progression in having sex?”
“Why is that the only thing anyone seems to care about?!” he shouted. He rubbed his face. “Look, I know I need an heir, but things have become complicated.”
“In what way? Are you no longer sexually aroused by her?”
Ansel was so attracted to Karin that on most days he kept his distance to keep from attacking her. The days spent with her, and the way she treated him, made his desire for her grow. It was like watching a wilting flower survive and bloom again. She smiled more, laughed, and was as rebellious as he remembered.
“I’m still attracted to her,” he said after a moment. “It’s more of a mental block or somehow there is always an interruption.”
“What about with Cherry?” Aron asked.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, you and Cherry slept together prior to your breakup. What was so different then?”
“It was different because it was out of obligation. Sex was something that she wanted, and that I didn’t mind fulfilling, even if it meant that I got nothing from it. I think it bothered her at first, but after a while it no longer mattered as long as I made sure she got off. I can’t be that way with Karin, no matter how much I want to be. Besides, what’s the point of sleeping together if I don’t cum?”
Aron put his notepad on the table and leaned forward. “I can’t believe I didn’t see this before.”
“See what?”
“What’s really been going on with you. Your mental block with Karin has nothing to do with not potentially producing an heir, but that you could.”
“If that was the case, I would have never initiated the contract. You and I both know I need this to work.”
“And you and I both know what happens if it does. Karin gets her freedom, does she not?” Ansel’s jaw flexed, and he exhaled sharply. “And look at that, we made a full circle back to anger. You want to know why you’re having a hard time now? It’s because things didn’t matter with Cherry because you didn’t love her,” he said. “For you, sex is not just a frivolous thing. Your desire is tied directly to your emotions. When it’s not, you’re pretty much on autopilot. Once you and Cherry broke up, you had no need to function even like that.”
“I know where you’re going with this, Aron, and don’t.”
“I have to, as both your psychiatrist and friend. Ansel, you’ve shown more emotion in the time Karin has been here than I’ve seen from you in years. You’ve changed, and we both know she’s at the center of it. The reason you can’t sleep with her is the same reason you pushed the contract between you two. You needed something that would keep her from leaving, and at the same time, allow you to at least have a part of her when she did.”
Past his limit, Ansel clenched his fist to control his anger. “I’m not in love with her, Aron,” he said. “I could never love someone who could look me in the eye and betray me like she did.”
“You may tell yourself that, but your current disposition says differently. Just the thought of loving her proves too much for you to handle. Your conflicting feelings about Karin are what’s driving you mad, and why you can’t sleep with her. You want this to be transactional, but it is the impersonal feel of it that’s bothering you. Deep down, you know she means more to you than some obligation. This is why I told you to tread lightly, because you can feel lust for someone you love or someone you hate. Ansel, you’ve found yourself faced with someone who makes you feel a bit of both, and whether you want to admit it or not, that scares the hell out of you.”
ANSEL POV
Ansel entered his manor and handed the butler his coat. “I’m going to rest a bit before dinner. I don’t wish to be disturbed by anyone unless it’s my father.”
“Yes, sir.”
Walking past him, Ansel started to make his way to his room, but stopped at the sound of music coming from the direction of the ballroom. He knew it was her before he saw her. The smell of suzuran beckoned him. Reaching the entryway, his lips parted at the sight of Karin dancing to the music coming from the radio. She’d traded in her usual pink tutu for a black one that stressed her long legs and now curvier figure. Though the movements were the same as when she’d danced for him, they also somehow looked more erotic in nature. Her eyes were closed, but she never missed a step.
Ansel leaned on the doorway, unable to take his eyes off her. She looked beautiful, but the confidence she exuded left him in awe. His heartbeat quickened as her scent caused his body to react.
“I think Aron is right,” Jeff said.
Before he could respond, he saw her nose twitch, and he backed further into the shadows. She opened her eyes and looked around.
“Ansel?” she called out. “Are you there?” He remained quiet. “Of course not,” she murmured with a momentary look of sadness on her face.
“Did you see that?” Jeff asked.
“Mhm. This isn’t adding up.” She tried to hide it, but with each passing day, he could see her feelings come to the surface. Linking one of his gammas, he tried to process what he was feeling himself. “I need you to continue your investigation into Karin. Leave no stone unturned. I need to know what she’s been doing these last five years, and I need to know now.”
“I’m trying my best, sir, but I keep hitting a wall. Every lead turns cold. It’s like she’s a ghost.”
What are you hiding, Little Wolf?
He thought as he watched Karin continue to dance.
“Even if Aron is right, I need to know the truth about why she rejected me and disappeared,” he said to Jeff. “I can’t let her betray me again. My love for her almost killed me once. This time, if it’s not reciprocated, I know it will finish the job.”
