Chapter 37

Ethan puts his hands up and pulls away from me. He’s hurt, I can tell by the way his eyes are wide with concern. I found it hard to believe that he didn’t know why I was so upset. Did he really not understand why this was a big deal to me?

“Ava, I will do whatever you want me to do.” Ethan whispered. “Just don’t be angry with me, please.”

I look at him through the corner of my eyes, refusing to turn and face him fully.

“Okay,” I relented with a heaving sigh. I was never able to really hold a grudge against anyone, especially not with the stupid feelings I was developing for him. I relaxed my posture and looked at him.

“I want you to be happy, I want you to be happy with me specifically.” Ethan held my gaze with a sincerity I’ve never seen him display. “I will do whatever you want me to do.”

I nodded at him, not quite sure how to reply. I needed time to figure out what I wanted him to do and what I wanted our relationship to be like going forward. So far, all I knew was that he was attracted to me and I to him. Was there really anything more to it?

Ethan looked at me expectantly, obviously wanting a verbal answer from me right then. Luckily, we arrived at the house shortly and I hopped out of the car. I bid Ethan and a sleeping Mars goodnight, not waiting for their response as I bounded up the stairs to my room and locked myself in there for the night.

I stripped out of the extravagant dress, removed all my makeup, and flung myself onto the bed. I looked up at the ceiling, watching the spinning blades of my ceiling fan as I figured out what it was that I wanted for the future.

Ethan and I were confusing. When we ignored our brains and followed our instincts, we were so good together. We melded together in a physical way, but when emotions got involved, it was always so messy. More often than not, we misunderstand each other and get into arguments over silly little things.

My feelings for him and his attraction to me only made things more difficult. The only solution I could figure was distancing ourselves from each other. Even if it was hard for us to do.

The next morning, Ethan went to work extra early. I had the house for myself, and when I went into the kitchen I found a sticky note from Ethan letting me know that our tutoring sessions would be canceled from here on out:

“You’ve learned everything I can teach you, congratulations on graduating from Ethan’s Tutoring Classes. No more lessons for you, enjoy your break!”

Ethan’s note made a smile form on my face despite the mixed feelings I had stirring in my head. I spent the day experimenting with new recipes and watching all the movies I missed when I was constantly working before.

Around the time Ethan would be coming home from work, I put my things away and retreated back to my room, not wanting to have the difficult conversation about how we needed to behave in the future.

I was able to avoid him for the night.

The next several days held the same schedule. I spent my time reading in the library, baking, or watching the movies I never saw. Ethan and I weren’t scheduled to have another public appearance for a whole week, so I had nowhere to go and nothing to do.

I felt Ethan’s absence every moment. Sometimes I wanted to bring my newest cookie combination to his work to ask for his opinion, but I knew he would want to know why I was being so weird.

After four days of the same thing, I decided that I needed to go for a walk. I couldn’t remember the last time I left the house and spent more than five minutes in the sun.

The day was warm, the air comforting, and I felt the most at ease I had in weeks. Along the walk, I noticed a chalkboard sign outside of an old brick building. The building appeared to be some sort of school, I heard children laughing and playing somewhere behind a large wooden fence.

The chalkboard sign read: ‘Volunteers needed!’

Curiosity got the better of me, and I meandered into the main office of the building. A short older lady with a hunched back looked up from her computer as I came in. She pushed her glasses up on her nose and regarded me with a skeptical glance.

“Can I help you?” She asked with a raspy voice.

“I was wondering what the volunteer position was for?” I questioned, gesturing to the sign out on the sidewalk.

“Oh!” She stood up from her chair and rushed over to me, “Yes of course, that is our childcare position. It’s just a few hours a week - more if you’d like - that oversees the children’s playtime and accompanies them during the afternoon.”

“That sounds really nice,” I complimented. A few hours a week would get me out of the house and perhaps even help me get my mind off Ethan and our situation.

“Allow me to introduce you to the children and then you can decide if you’d like to take the position.” I followed the little old woman through the ancient halls of the building and out into the yard. A big wooden fence kept a lot of it secluded from the rest of the world, giving the children some privacy.

“This here is where you’d be spending most of your time, the children spend a lot of time playing outside.” She waved her hands in front of her, showing off the dozen or so kids playing ball and Tag with each other.

In the middle of a group of ten-year-olds stood a young man who had circle glasses and a stubbled beard.

“Is that a teacher?” I asked, gesturing to the man.

“Oh no! That’s Baron, he's another one of our volunteers.” The old woman called Baron over, and my breath hitched in my throat when he regarded me with chocolate brown eyes.

“Hello,” He greeted me.

“Hello, I’m Ava.” I held out a hand for him to shake. He was good-looking, but not in the same way that Ethan or Olivia were. He looked more approachable, kinder. Handsome in that boy-next-door kind of way.

“Ava,” He tested the name with a smile, “Are you our newest volunteer?”

“I haven’t decided yet,” I admitted with a sheepish grin.

“Well, I hope you choose to start working here, it’s really rewarding.” A few of the little kids called him back to them, so Baron waved goodbye and went back to playing with them.

The older woman looked up at me with a knowing smile, she pat my arm lightly and turned to show me out of the building.

“I do hope you decide to come back. If you want, come back tomorrow and we will get it all set up.”

I smiled at her gratefully and started walking back home. The sun was setting in the sky, which meant that Ethan would be home soon. I needed to hurry up and get there so I could finish my baking earlier and retreat to my room.

When I got to the house, I went straight to the kitchen. I was in there for five measly minutes, before Ethan’s voice startled me from my baking. He came home early to corner me.

“Ava,” He crossed his arms over his chest. “You’ve been avoiding me.”

His face looks tired, he’s obviously been stressed about something and I’m sure my hiding from him wasn’t helping. A twinge of guilt fluttered in my chest.

“I’m sorry,” I started to say, turning away from the cake I was making, but he spoke at the same time.

“Why?” He asked, desperate. “What happened at the ball that upset you so much?”

“Ethan-”

“I’ve missed you.” He admits.

I sigh and turn away from him, my heart aching and begging me to run to him and embrace him.

I have to stay strong, though. In my days of solitude I’ve had a lot of time to think, and I knew that I needed to set some real boundaries.

“Ethan,” I shook my head, holding back tears. “Our relationship is for cameras and the public. That’s all it ever will be, there’s nothing real between us.”