Chapter 38

Amber’s POV

Julian straightened somewhat at my words. Our retorts had been aimed to hurt since he first walked into my office. While I could attempt to convince myself that he was starting all this, the truth was much messier.

Hadn’t I held some contempt for him for years because of Olivia?

He had clearly seen the articles that Roman had pushed for in the newspapers. Perhaps I should have done more to convince him that those articles weren’t telling the truth. But… why?

At the end of the day, despite whatever softness we had last night, Julian was still with Olivia. Once I cured her infertility, they were going to have their own children. What right did he have to be angry with me for this perceived engagement with Roman, when he himself was committed to Olivia?

He wanted it both ways, to have Olivia at home while still flirting with me. I wasn’t going to go for that.

There was no love lost between Olivia and me, but I’d be damned before I would let myself become the other woman. Again.

“Why would I go back to Olivia?” he asked. “What does she have to do with any of this?”

Unbelievable! The nerve of him, to come in here and act like he didn’t have such a big attachment at home.

“She is your fated mate,” I said. “She is your chosen partner.”

“She is neither of those things,” Julian said. His gaze held mine prisoner, as if he was trying to be earnest. But I’d believed his lies in the past, like the lie he made to honor and cherish our marriage.

I wasn’t going to fall for that a second time.

“She’s not my fated mate, and we aren’t together,” Julian pushed.

I looked away, annoyed by this. He didn’t have to lie to me about this. “Just tell the truth.”

“I am!” Julian stepped closer to my desk.

I refused to stand up from it, or move around it for this conversation. It was my anchor and my shield, keeping me grounded – I am a Healer, a professional woman, and could maintain a level composure – as well as kept the safe distance between Julian and me.

“Amber,” Julian said, his voice softening. I still refused to look up at him again. “Surely there is still a part of you that cares for me…”

Maybe, but that part was buried deep down, and I wasn’t going to let him know about it.

Who was he, to come in here and lie right to my face, like he hadn’t gotten Olivia pregnant while we had been married? Like he hadn’t kept me his dark secret, hidden away from public view? Like he hadn’t chose Olivia over me, even when I threatened to leave?

If I had died in that plane crash, he’d probably be married to Olivia by now, having forgotten all about me.

My anger rankled all of my nerves, until I was defensive as a porcupine with my quills all ready to strike.

“Sure, there was a part of me that loved you,” I said coldly. “But that version of me died in that plane crash. Now, I only feel annoyance at your constant harassment. I’ve already agreed to help Olivia. I don’t know what more you want from me.”

He was quite for a moment. In that moment, I dared a look up to see his face. He looked at me, shocked, his eyes a little wide.

I had thought I might feel some sort of victory for having stunned and hurt him. Instead, I just felt hollow inside.

There were no winners here, no victories to be had.

With a past like ours, we could only hurt each other. Again and again.

The sooner I made my money, the sooner I retrieved that necklace that Alice so desperately needed, the sooner I get out of this pack for good. And away from Julian once and for all. Then, he and Olivia would be free to live whatever life they wanted far out of my view and thoughts.

Julian didn’t say anything more. When he recovered enough to move, he nodded, turned, and walked for the door.

Regret tugged at my heart, and even my wolf whimpered a little. She hadn’t been present during the days of our marriage, but she could still feel the pull toward him.

Despite how much he hurt me, despite how much I denied myself, my heart did still yearn for him…

Foolish thing. I would never let it control me again.

Julian’s POV

Going to see Amber had been a mistake. One I was certain not to repeat. If anyone had issue with Amber, they could take it up with the hospital administration. From now on, I was staying firmly out of everything that had to do with her.

At least, that was what I told myself.

For now, I was back in my office, trying to work, when Olivia walked in. She was wearing a low-cut shirt and a pair of tight white pants. That meant she was looking for attention from me today.

I had shown no sexual interest in her for many years, and even then I didn’t really remember it. Yet still she acted like showing off her body was going to work in claiming my attention.

This was an exhausting game she liked to play with me, and I was already tired.

“What do you want, Olivia?” I asked.

She moved to one of the chairs facing my desk and sat down. She crossed her thighs, stretching out one leg like she was trying to seduce me.

When I didn’t respond, she scoffed. “You treat me so coldly these days, Julian.”

“I’ve been busy,” I told her.

“It’s like you forget everything that I’ve done for you. All that I’ve lost…” She pulls a tissue from her purse and dabs the corner of her eye. “Have you forgotten how, when I came to see you that night, I crashed and lost our child? You were working then too. And now I can’t have more children…”

I knew this was another manipulation, but I was utterly helpless against it. Yes, that did happen, and I mourn regularly for that unborn child, just as I mourned for the child of mine that Amber lost…

That I thought Amber had lost.

The child that had never truly been mine. The child that had to be Alice.

I frowned. The timeline just seemed so jumbled. Could Roman truly have been in my pack at that time? Didn’t his own pack have troubles back then that he needed to tend to?

I tried to remember, but that time period felt like a blur. After the plane crash, I had lost some of those memories to grief.

But Alice… She didn’t really look like Roman. She had my dark hair and my bright eyes…

Was it possible that I was misunderstanding everything?

What if Amber had told me the truth about not wanting Roman? What if it was Roman who lied?

“You are distracted today,” Olivia said, pouting her bottom lip. “I’d only hoped to speak with you. You’ve been giving me such a cold shoulder lately.”

“I’m sorry,” I said.

“We’re friends, aren’t we?”

“Of course,” I said.

“And someday… we’ll be more than that,” she said.

To that, I didn’t reply. She knew my feelings on things, that I had no sexual inclinations toward her, despite what she desired. I could admit she was a beautiful woman, but…

My thoughts slipped back to Amber, to how frightened she must have been in leaving…

Getting on that airplane…

Having it crash…

Maybe Alice was Roman’s. Maybe they had an affair during my marriage to Amber.

Or maybe this was a big misunderstanding.

It was past time I found out.