Chapter 35

Amber’s POV

My loud no might have been ruder than I had intended it to be. I hadn’t meant to hurt Roman’s feelings. He had always been a good friend to me, and I wasn’t treating him very kindly by acting like marrying him would be the worst thing in the world.

It wouldn’t, even though I didn’t love him that way. And I knew he only offered, just as he only pretended to be Alice’s real father, for our benefit. Ever since I was pulled from the waters after that plane crash, he had wanted to protect me.

I knew, even misguided, that he meant no harm now.

But with Alice on edge, I was on edge too. It made it difficult to see things from his perspective right now. Instead, I was angry that he had brought Alice out here for this, confusing her with all this talk of paternity, and pushing her to her limits when he knew more than almost anyone else how fragile she could be.

He had good intentions, I knew, but Alice was still caught in the middle here.

At the same time, I could also see he was annoyed with me. Perhaps he was frustrated that I wasn’t acting along with him, making his apparent plans less smooth than he likely anticipated.

For the sake of his feelings and my own, as well as for Alice’s sake, I tried to be clearer though softer when I replied again.

Though loud no was unnecessary, but that didn’t change my answer.

“I’m sorry, Roman. I know you mean well. But I only see you as a friend,” I explain. “I’m incredibly grateful to you for this and for everything you’ve done, but I don’t see those feelings changing.”

“They don’t need to change,” he says. But then he lets slip, “At least not right away,” revealing some of his hope. He presses on before I can address it. “There’s no reason we cannot wear rings and pretend to be married, even as we continue on with our separate lives.”

Because he seems so earnest, I try to consider a life like that, living a lie to keep everyone away. I suppose it would offer a measure of protection to be the wife of a pack Alpha, even while away in another pack. And that protection would extend to Alice.

But… even so… it felt so… wrong.

Roman was a friend, and he was unmated. Somewhere out there could be his perfect fated mate just waiting for him to find her. What kind of friend would I be to selfishly accept this protection, binding him to me while knowing I could never love him like he wants?

And what if he did meet his true mate after he was bound to me? He was such an honorable man, he would probably reject her to stay with me as he promised, sacrificing any hope for a happy future to continue to protect me.

I couldn’t let him do that, not for my sake, and not even for Alice’s. I would do anything in the world for her, but I would not ask anyone else to make that same sacrifice, those same choices.

Besides all of that, Roman’s insertion into this mess only made things more complicated between Julian and me.

While things between us certainly weren’t easy and smooth, we had at least reached a type of professional understanding. Now that there were questions over paternity and timelines, those rumors that I cheated had more credence than they would have otherwise.

Roman seemed to light an entire wildfire with this declaration of being Alice’s father, and with this proposal.

I would face new scrutiny in the pack… Would I even be allowed to stay?

“I’m sorry, Roman,” I say. “But, no.”

“But, Amber –”

“That’s not going to change.”

Alice whimpered against my neck. “Mommy… can we go talk to Julian?”

“I don’t think so, honey,” I told her.

“But…” she sniffled loudly. “I want him to be my father… What if he doesn’t want to anymore?”

I looked at Roman in time to see the hurt before he could suppress it.

“I’ll take you home,” Roman said.

“No!” Alice shouted. She shoved against me with sudden strength – werewolf strength. I was caught by surprise and she hopped from my arms before I could more fully hold her.

“Alice!”

She bounded away from me, racing at full speed back towards the event. Fortunately, Julian had yet to return back inside, and was standing by the bottom of the stairs watching us from a distance. He saw Alice coming and hurried to intercept.

I moved quickly, hurrying to catch up with her. Roman was behind me, but, seeing Alice connect with Julian with no issues, I turned to Roman.

With haste, I told him, “Maybe it’s best if you leave us for the night, Roman. Alice is having some trouble, and you seem to be the trigger…”

“But…”

“I know you want to help, but trust me, okay?” I said. “Please.”

Fortunately, he stopped following us then, and I hurried along to catch up with Alice, who was still in Julian’s arms. She was crying, her little shoulders shaking, but I didn’t spot any werewolf traits, for which I am grateful.

“I want you to be my daddy,” she said into his shoulder.

Julian was good with her, gently patting her back while holding her close.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he said. “Things don’t always work out like that…”

“But why?” she asked.

He wouldn’t look at me, not even as I came closer. Instead, his gaze stayed on the ground. “There’s no reason for it. That’s just how it goes sometimes. Your mom found someone else, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you or won’t care about you. We’re still buddies, yeah?”

“Yeah,” she agreed. She continued to cry for a few minutes until eventually crying her to sleep. Julian scooped her up into his arms and stood.

“Thank you,” I told him.

He lightly shook his head. I knew he was angry with me. There were so many unanswered questions between us, but neither of us seemed willing to talk about them now, especially with how upset Alice was.

“You should get home,” he said. “Where’s Roman?”

“Alice wasn’t too happy with Roman tonight. I sent him away.”

Before I could even think about how we were going to get back to the house, Julian offered, “Do you need a ride?”

“I couldn’t ask that…”

“I’m offering,” Julian said. “Come on.”

He carried Alice to his luxury sedan and then gently placed her across the backseat. Then he took the driver’s seat while I hopped in on the passenger’s side.

I didn’t feel like talking at all, but fortunately neither did Julian. He drove most of the way in total silence.

Only as we neared the house did he ask me, his voice a whisper in the quiet car, “Do you intend to marry Roman?”

Just as softly, I told him, “No.”

I didn’t know why I told him that. It was none of his business, really. And just because I didn’t want to be with Roman had nothing to do with my situation with Julian.

Yet… it felt, in this quiet moment, like an important thing to share.

When we arrived at the house, Julian carried Alice inside to her bedroom, then quietly went back out toward the door. I followed him outside where he stopped and glanced back at me.

Before I could thank him for what he’d done, he said, “I’m glad you are staying single.”

Then he turned and walked away, leaving me too stunned to reply.