Chapter 61
I couldn't remember falling asleep, but I must have dozed off, the sensation of Evan's warm chest against mine filling my senses and removing all the rest of my awareness. But I did dream, somewhat. On the boundary of wakefulness and sleep, Cassiel appeared, my beautiful white wolf.
"You look so happy today," I teased as she came to lick at my cheek. Her tail hung low but waved from side to side, betraying her joy with grace. "And you're all better now. You've thrown off the last of the slump."
It affects us more than it does others, she reminded me as she sat on the grass. A breeze drifted by, rustling her fur and my hair. We should be careful. Who knows what will happen if we breathe in that poison again?
"Everyone needs to be careful, not just us. But you're right. The doctor not only at that safe house but the ones here cleared us, but we weren't feeling like ourselves for days after. Evan and the Deltas who were at the manor all said they felt normal again after just a few days. But it could also be because we're smaller, and because we're human, you know."
Or because of something else.
"Like what?"
I don't know. Something more. Her tail swished over the grass again, the white tuft fur whispering against the blades. Didn't the other humans ostracize us, too? We have never belonged anywhere.
"That was because Elly and Maria made them do it. They didn't let me play with the other children, remember? Of course the other slaves never warmed up to us when I was always separated from them."
The other children accepted you for play, but the adults never treated you with much warmth. I was sleeping, but I could see through your eyes when you were hurt, when you were scared, when you were sad and lonely. And I understood more than you did. You were never one of them.
"So what are you trying to say?"
I don't know. Just things I remembered while we've been staying here. I'm restless, I think a lot when I have nothing to do.
I laughed at her impatience, but her words haunted something buried inside me I couldn't quite dig up. She was right. The human adults living on the Dark Moon estate as slaves had never truly bonded with me. But that was because I was half-werewolf, wasn't it? And I was Alpha Kris's offspring no less, their hated master. Of course they would be leery of me.
But it had never been hate they gave me. Pity and sympathy, and the mothers of the children I used to play with before Elly and Maria put a stop to it had sneaked me little pieces of bread. They had known how terribly I was treated, even worse than other slaves. They had felt sorry for me instead of the other way around, and instead of looking upon my werewolf half with distrust, they had tried to comfort me. It hadn't mattered to them that I was Kris's daughter because they knew it was a burden, not some privilege.
And yet Cassiel was right. They had never treated me like one of their own even then. It had always been at a distance, like petting a stray dog or feeding a hungry cat. There had always been an uncrossable divide between the other slaves and me even before Kris, Elly, and Maria began to resist the idea of me getting close to the other humans.
But what did that have to do with what Cassiel spoke of, the strange vulnerability I had to the toxin? Were those really related? I saw no connection, but Cassiel had the instincts of a wolf and a better understanding of the natural world than I did. I would have to think about what she said.
For now, we spent a few more minutes together, until the dream world faded.
I woke to Evan stroking my hair and caressing my forehead. He had propped himself up on his elbow so he could stare down into my face, and when I opened my eyes, he lowered his head so he could kiss me on the lips, then again on the nose.
"Sleep some more. You've only been out for an hour."
"An hour! Already!"
"I exhausted you pretty good."
I blushed, red as a fire hydrant. "Stop that. You're so embarrassing..."
"Embarrassing? After all this time? I guess we have to practice more to work that out of you."
I batted away his hand when he tried to place it on my breast. With a squeak, I pulled the covers up over my chest and pressed my thighs together to ward off the disobedient arousal waking back up at his growling tone. It was a miracle we had stolen away more than an hour as it was. Any minute now, someone would come pounding on the door with an emergency to announce, and I would have to dive toward the wall to hide from them.
But he was so beautiful. I wanted to give him everything in the world. I almost faltered when Evan's smile faded, but when he spoke, it wasn't to coax me into making love again.
"Claudia. You know you're the most important thing to me in the entire world. You know that, right?"
"What? So sudden..."
"It's not sudden. It's something I've known forever but I didn't want to admit it for too long. And then was I ready to admit it, I wanted to prove it with my actions, not with cheap words. But I missed what was important. I want you to know it, Claudia. I want you to know I'd do anything for you. I'd give anything to make sure you're safe, to make sure you're happy."
My toes curled as more embarrassed pleasure raced up and down my body, not from arousal this time but pure bashful happiness.
"I love you too, Evan."
He stroked my cheek with his thumb, searching my eyes. "I didn't get a chance to say it out loud before, directly. No. That's not true. I had chances, I was just ashamed to say it because it should have been a given from the very beginning. I knew you were the one I loved. I knew you were the one I wanted. But I almost lost my chance to tell you that I was ready to let everything else go. It's not a sacrifice, Claudia. I don't need more power, I don't need to search for anyone else. I have you. You're all I want."
Tears burned in my eyes. "You mean..."
"Yes. I mean it. And I'll say it as many times as you want. You're the one I love, and you're the one I'll make my mate if you say yes. I know now seems like the worst time and I should have made the moment better, but I don't want to miss my chance..."
Oh, my Evan. My beautiful Evan, strong and gentle and so much more than he had ever believed he could be. I reached up and wrapped my arms around him as he leaned over me.
"You know that you could have a fated mate somewhere in the world too, right?" he asked gently. "I shouldn't ask you to give up more than you already have for me, but I'm selfish enough to want it anyway. There might be someone out there you could meet one day and wonder if you made the right choice, and..."
"Evan. Do you think you'll ever regret what you're doing now?"
He kissed me. His lips were so confident, so needy, so driven yet gentle as he drank me in, and I moaned against him as he pressed his body on top of mine under the covers. Already, he was growing hard against me once more, and I shivered at the pure want radiating from his entire body. He pulled back slightly, leaving the slightest space between our lips as his warm breath ghosted down to my chest.
"Claudia, you are the only one for me. I don't need to search for anyone else. I don't need anyone but you. Once this is all over and I make everything right, I want to make a new life with you. I want to be yours, and I want you to be mine. Claudia, will you marry me?"
A small sob broke free of my chest. I had never loved him more. Could this be real? Was this a dream, and I was going to wake up to find that such a good thing couldn't possibly exist?
Was Evan really giving himself to me at last? All of him, every part, just like I was ready to give myself to him?
"Please say yes, Claudia," he whispered. "I don't know what I'll do if you don't."
"Evan! Yes. Of course my answer's yes. I love you, I love you, I love you so much..."
He kissed me again, hands roaming my body and showering me with every ounce of the fire inside him that burned for me, and I gave into it all completely.
