Chapter 38

Aurora

The last few days have been chaotic, to say the least. It’s grown tiresome to block Jaxson out of my mind, and Luke refuses to speak to me most days. He is conflicted, same as me, but he still comes by to drop of groceries and etcetera. I have yet to see Mary, something odd going on with their relationship.

I get the feeling he has told her what happened because he seems so distant to me now, so lost in his own world, and it breaks my heart to think of the predicament we’ve gotten ourselves into. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss Jaxson sometimes.

Even waking up with him in bed beside me, something so simple, I wish I had more of before I destroyed it all. He was just starting to learn my little quarks, and I had just started to see his eyes on me even when he didn’t think I’d notice; I always noticed. I just threw it away after a month of feeling so disconnected from my mate.

Luke perches on the porch now, bags of groceries in hand, and I leave him some space as he lets himself inside and heads straight for the kitchen. He doesn’t want to look at me, I can tell, but I can’t stand to be dejected from both Jaxson and Luke.

“Can we talk?” I ask, my voice breaking our typical silence.

He hesitates to open a cabinet, as if frozen solid in place. “Little one, I don’t want to have this conversation.”

“I don’t either,” I admit. “That’s why we should have it.”

After a long silent moment, he nods, and settles the bags of groceries on the countertop before deciding to sit on the chair furthest away from me in the living room, which is still three steps away, given how tiny this house is.

“I don’t know how to explain my feelings,” he says simply, shaking his head in defeat. “I just know that I feel what I feel for Mary, through the mating pull, and that somewhere deep down, I have always cared for you, Aurora. I just don’t know what to do about it.”

I nod, letting my head fall as well as his. Either in defeat or shame, I can’t tell.

“I told her what happened,” he says under his breath. “She wants to reject me.”

“What do you want?”

He shrugs. I understand that it is the best way he can explain the chaos.

“Jaxson felt it,” I admit in a shameless whisper.

His eyes shoot up to mine, full of panic. “He did?”

“Yeah, he was yelling through the link. I finally blocked him out but—it won’t last.”

I sit forward, feeling the mark on my neck tingle. I’ve thought about rejecting Jaxson for a few days, feeling like he has sent me away and locked me up somewhere new, somewhere other than the palace, and it’s not any different than before except he doesn’t visit as often now.

The thought of losing Luke and Jaxson both would hurt.

I don’t think I’m strong enough to release either one of them, let alone both.

“What are you wanting to do?” he asks at last, cutting the silence.

“Leave,” I say, shaking my head. “I can’t take this anymore. I was taken to the palace and locked up. This is practically the same thing, Luke. I can’t do it anymore. I just think it would be easier if I left and stopped hurting the people I love.”

“It’s not your fault,” he hums. “it’s mine, Aurora. I have been very indecisive.”

“I don’t want to hurt you either, though,” I admit. “And I can’t hurt Jaxson anymore. It’s time we all just let this go. I can’t return to the palace without trying to be killed and I can’t stay out here and torture myself every day.”

His eyes brim with tears. “Where will you go?”

Truthfully, I haven’t thought it through, just wanting to go as far away from the palace and the royal pack as possible. “It doesn’t matter,” I reply. “I have to do it.”

He stands sharp and quick, folding his arms over his chest. “I won’t let you, little one. It’s not safe. There are rogues out there and Xander still hasn’t been found. I can’t just let you leave and try to survive on your own, you’d never make it.”

He’s right but I’m still offended by his claim.

I aim to leave the cabin, to storm off and prove a point, but Luke isn’t going to let this go easily. He pushes into the doorway, blocking my exit, his body taut and strong compared to me. I have let myself wither away lately, so lost and feeling neglected, after such a long stretch of the time I spent with Jaxson and the royal pack.

I have only been a burden, and now the problems I have caused by kissing Luke, by trying to sort through my many, countless thoughts, and in the end, I have hurt Luke and Mary’s mating pull, and have had to block out Jaxson like I have felt he has done to me the last handful of weeks.

I stand firm as well, challenging my best friend, both of us modeling misty eyes.

“Please, Luke, just let me go. I’ll be out of the way, and you can go live your life with your mate. Jaxson will be better off. His pack will respect him more without having a commoner mate.”

He hesitates, pushing me back when I try to edge around him. “No, Aurora, I won’t let you out there. It’s not safe. You are still mated to the prince, and he gave me orders to keep you here and keep you safe, Aurora, I’m not letting you leave.”

I swallow hard, so afraid of the future but unwilling to let it show on my face. I have to do this; I tell myself on repeat. I have to do this. I am only a burden. I am only hurting the people who care about me and if they hadn’t cared at all, they would be safer. I just want to stop hurting people, including myself, and it’s only right that I make this decision once and for all.

“I, Aurora Hunter, reject the link of the Royal pack. I denounce Alpha Kennedy as my Alpha, and I ultimately reject Jaxson Knight as my mate.”

I hit the floor when the words are spoken from my lips, Luke yelling for me to stop but it’s too late. I feel the tether of the connections sever one by one, a painful affair, and feel the fire bubble up like molten lava in the base of my throat.

It’s horrid. I want to take it back, but it’s too late. I am doing the right thing, I think. Jaxson will be happy, and he can forget about our mating bond. He can have a royal Luna one day, the perfect fit to his perfect pack, and he will no longer face scrutiny over mating a commoner.

My throat burns now, the mark on my neck making me shake all over, uncontrollably quivering as the rejection slaps at me in all directions. I go limp at once, laid out on the floor, Luke trying to shake my shoulder and grab my attention, but I close my eyes.

If you can still hear me, I’m sorry, Jaxson.

I hear nothing back in response, not even a whisper, and I know I’ve completed the transaction necessary to allow him to move on. He can live a better life, live a life of ease with a mate like the beta’s daughter. I saw her words in his mind from the blue moon gala. I know she is one of hundreds that feel the same way about looking up to a Luna who is inferior to them.

It wouldn’t ever work. I let the rejection devastate me for now. It will be better this way.