Chapter 86

Hannah’s POV

When I was with Thomas, I knew he wasn’t my fated mate. But I wanted him to be at the time. At one point, I would have chosen him to be my mate. At one point, I convinced myself that I loved him. Even Nora thought he could potentially be the one for us. We met when were young and we hardly knew what a mate was.

Even if we didn’t turn out to be fated mates, it didn’t matter to me. Because I would have chosen him. I would have chosen him over and over again. When we turned 18, I told him that I loved him for the first time. At that point, I already knew he wasn’t my fated mate, but it didn’t matter.

However, he was getting distant from me, and it left me with worry; I thought maybe now that he realized we weren’t actually mates, he didn’t want to be with me anymore. At one point we even broke up because my insecurities got the best of me. I was convinced that true love just didn’t exist; he was the only actual friend I had when I lived in my father’s pack. So, losing him was losing a lot.

But when we turned 19, he came back to me and proposed. He told me he chooses me and would continue to do so every day until he dies.

We discussed having children in the future; we wanted to be a family. He was to be the next Alpha of the pack and I was to be his luna. My brother would also be living with us, and he would be healthy because we would have found him a cure or a medicine that helps him. We would raise our children and I would finally be happy.

But that was taken from me the moment my sister revealed their affairs. He never loved me, and it took a long time to realize that he only loved the power that came from my family. He only wanted to be Alpha and would have done anything to get it. Including marrying me.

He traded me for someone who could get him even closer to that title; he realized that because my father disowned me and my brother, just because we live under his roof again, that doesn’t make me his daughter. We were omegas and we were nothing to my father. Once Thomas realized he wasn’t going to be Alpha if he married me, he went for someone who could.

Amy.

When I found out, I didn’t have time to mourn the loss of my relationship. I only had enough room to fear the beginning of another relationship. I thought if we ever broke up it wouldn’t matter because even if he didn’t choose me, my fated mate would still be out there somewhere. I would find him, and we would still get married and have children and save my brother. I would still be happy one way or another.

But that was taken from me. Every choice I’ve ever had was taken from me and every choice that I could ever make is no longer mine.

I can no longer choose my mate. I can no longer choose the life I live. I can no longer choose when and if I have children.

“Hannah?” Sebastian’s foggy voice cut through the darkness that surrounded my mind.

I sucked in a sharp breath, coughing as it felt like I was holding in my breath for hours. I groggily opened my eyes and peered around the familiar room I shared with Sebastian. He was sitting over me, and I felt a cold and damp cloth draped over my forehead.

I glanced to the side of Sebastian and saw Dr. Conway, the palace’s personal doctor, standing over me, looking concerned for a moment until he saw that my eyes were opening, and he looked relieved.

“Welcome back,” Dr. Conway breathed; he started packing up his belongings as he continued speaking. “You fainted at the press conference earlier. You have a slight fever and just need some rest.”

“He thinks it could be stress,” Sebastian said with a worried gaze in his eyes. “That and dehydration. So, drink some water.”

He grabbed a cup off the bedside table and tilted it towards my lips. I didn’t fight him; the choice wasn’t mine. I allowed the cold water to soothe my throat and hydrate my heated body. He stared at me for a long while and the concern in his eyes started tugging at my heart.

Could this really have been stressed-related? Was it my imagination?

“No,” Nora breathed from within me. “It wasn’t your imagination. You’re pregnant.”

…

Sebastian allowed me to rest for the rest of the night. I found myself sleeping easily; it could have been the antibiotics that Dr. Conway had given me before he left. It made my stomach feel easy and the dizziness went away right away. I was almost able to convince myself that it was just a terrible dream. That I wasn’t actually pregnant. That I wasn’t carrying Sebastian’s baby inside of me.

Even as I thought those words though, I knew I was just delusional. I was carrying his baby and there wasn’t much of anything I was going to be able to do about it.

He slept beside me, unknowing that I was carrying a child. There was a part of me that knew I should have told him, but I was being driven by so much fear and resentment that I couldn’t even utter the words even if I wanted to.

Sebastian held me tightly in his arms, nuzzling his face against my hair and taking in my scent. I knew it calmed him and he needed to be calmed. He was facing so much anxiety since the press conference; since they asked him about the moonstone scepter.

How did word even get out about that?

“What did you tell them?” I asked without looking at him; I kept my back turned toward him as he held me.

He sighed lightly.

“I told them they are mistaken,” he answered. “No wolf can hold the moonstone scepter and survive to talk about it. It holds too much power. Something like that can’t exist on this planet.”

“But it does,” I whispered. “And you can hold it and survive to talk about it…”

He was quiet for a moment, trying to process my words.

“They don’t need to know that,” he told me. “It’ll only cause a frenzy that we don’t need around the kingdom.”

I knew he was right; it would be better if nobody knew about it. If I could turn back time, I would have never opened that drawer, to begin with.

I closed my eyes and allowed sleep to take me.

…

Sebastian was gone the next morning; I couldn’t say I wasn’t relieved. He left me a text on my phone telling me that he was going to spend time at his office and that he will be home later. It was good that he was gone; I didn’t want to face him right now.

I slid out of bed and made my way over to the bathroom down the hall. Thankfully, I wasn’t feeling nauseous or lightheaded anymore. It seemed my fever had broken too; I wanted to convince myself that it was just a bad dream again and that I wasn’t actually pregnant. But one look at my face and I knew it was a lie.

I stared at my stomach; it was still flat because it’s only been a few days, but I knew something was growing inside of me.

I wasn’t even prepared to have a baby; I didn’t have any baby stuff. I didn’t even know where to begin with that kind of thing.

“You can start by telling Sebastian the truth,” Nora suggested. “He needs to know.”

“I can’t tell him,” I said in return. “At least not right now.”

But a different thought did cross my mind; I might not have baby stuff, but I know exactly where I can find baby stuff and perhaps find the information I need.

“You aren’t thinking straight,” Nora said. “It’s a bad idea…”

“Even so, this is my choice. The only choice I can make.”

I’m going back to my childhood home; the one I lived in with my mother and Liam. The one that still has all my baby stuff and Liam’s baby stuff. It probably has a bunch of other useful things too that my mom left behind.

I’m going back to the rogue town I grew up in.