Chapter 61

Nathan POV

I didn’t sleep much the night I danced with Claire. How could I?

Every time I closed my eyes I saw her, felt her in my arms. I could still smell her perfume on my clothes.

My wolf was all but howling inside me to be with its mate.

The surge of emotion just holding her brought me was too intense to deny.

I’d worked hard the last few months to deny a lot of things. How much Claire’s leaving had hurt, how much I’d missed her.

How much I loved her.

Enough.

In the middle of the night I realized I needed to find a way to make things right between us, or at least to try. I couldn’t make Claire return my feelings, but I could at least let her know mine.

And how sorry I was that I hadn’t said anything sooner.

So in the morning I sent her a message:

Claire, last night meant a lot to me. I’d like to talk to you. Would you meet me?

And then waited for what seemed like forever for her reply.

When my phone signalled my heart began to race.

When I saw her reply, I couldn’t help but close my eyes for a moment in relief.

She’d said yes.

We arranged to meet at a cafe in an hour. I got there half an hour early, too anxious to wait back at my hotel room any longer.

While I waited at a sidewalk table, keeping an eye out for Claire, I thought about what I wanted to say to her. And quickly realized that there were almost too many things I needed to get off my chest.

Where was I even going to start?

For thirty minutes I struggled to put my thoughts into some kind of order. But when a town car pulled up to the curb beside the cafe, when I saw Claire step out into the soft morning sunlight, all those thoughts scattered.

I couldn’t think of a single thing to say. I was just so grateful she actually came.

A waiter came over and greeted Claire, taking her order, and all I could do was stare.

“Nathan - are you alright?”

Claire’s voice brought me into the moment, and I realized her coffee was in front of her, and I still hadn’t said anything.

“Yes. I’m - Yes, of course I’m alright.”

“Oh. Good.”

She looked uncomfortable, and in my head I yelled at myself to say something.

Anything.

I cleared my throat. “Listen, about last night…”

“I know,” she said quickly, jumping in before I could think of what to say next. “It was a mistake. I know we both felt…a connection, but - ”

“Yes, a connection,” I said, relieved to have found a word for it, and glad she was acknowledging she felt it too.

“That’s exactly what it was,” I went on. “And it made me realize how much I’ve missed it. How much I’ve missed you,” I added quietly, emotion clogging my throat.

I had to look away for a moment to gather myself. When I looked back I saw she was watching me, compassion in her eyes.

“I have missed you, Claire. And I - I want to apologize for my behavior recently,” I said finally, knowing it came out stiff and awkward. Cold.

I hated how cold I sounded.

But I didn’t know how else to sound, how else to express myself. Talking about my feelings…it wasn’t easy.

Telling Claire how I felt was like battling an invisible enemy.

All I could do was try, and hope my words landed.

And I could see that they did. Claire’s face softened when she heard my apology, and the warmth in her eyes gave me so much hope.

But her response was anything but hopeful, and nothing like I’d wished for the night before, when I lay sleepless and thinking about how our next meeting could go.

“Nathan, I…” She took a breath and began again. “Look, I know how much that apology cost you. And I appreciate it, I really do.”

She reached over to take my hand. The warmth of her hand on my skin was electric, and I struggled to think over the rush it gave me.

“But I don’t think it’s enough.”

I was still absorbing the sensation of her skin against my skin, and it took a moment for her words to trickle through. Then I blinked, staring at her in shock.

“What?”

“I don’t think an apology’s enough. Do you understand? I’ve been so hurt for so long…”

She sat back, drawing her hand away from mine, pressing her fingers to her eyes for a moment.

“My life in the Silverfang pack was miserable. Even being with you, having Andy - there was joy there, of course, but still - always - so much pain.

“And I’m happy you’ve come to a place where you can apologize to me. But to be honest, I - I just don’t believe it.”

Offended, I sat up straighter. “You don’t believe it.”

“No. I’m sorry, but it feels insincere. You say you apologize for your behavior, but not specifically which behaviors. And you’re apologizing for your behavior lately - what about all these years we’ve been together?

All the years you’ve been too ashamed to claim me as your fated mate?”

Her words hit me like fists to my stomach, robbing me of my breath.

After all this time - did she still not understand?

“Claire - I’m an Alpha. My first duty is to my pack. It has to be.”

She closed her eyes for a moment, as if in pain. “I know. You have a duty to the pack. And marrying an Omega like me was unthinkable.

That’s why you’re marrying someone else. Someone worthy of an Alpha.”

I drew in a breath. The marriage agreement between me and Sabrina had felt like a necessary move at the time I signed it. I needed to improve my standings with surrounding packs if I wanted to win the Alpha Presidency.

“What I do as an Alpha is duty. It isn’t always what I want.”

I wanted to explain, somehow, that the marriage arrangement and my feelings for Claire were completely separate.

But she was shaking her head. “Nathan, I…I still care for you. But your pride keeps getting in the way.”

Her eyes filled with tears, cutting me deeply.

And also angering me.

My pride??

My pride had nothing to do with fulfilling my duties as an Alpha, or becoming the Alpha President.

I wanted the presidency because I believed I was the strongest, smartest, most capable person for the job. And because of that, it was my duty to run for the position.

And she just thought it was my pride.

I felt all the hope and momentum that brought me to the cafe draining out of me.

“I love you, Claire,” I said, the words faltering out of me slowly. “I…I don’t know how to fix this.”

She looked down, clearly overwhelmed with emotion. “Neither do I,” she whispered.

I reached over for her hand, held it tightly. “But I want to. Just give me a chance? Give us both a chance?”

She sighed, squeezing my hand once before drawing hers back and standing. “I’ll think about it, Nathan. I have to go.”

I said goodbye, disappointed by the way our conversation seemed to slip out of my control.

And I watched the woman I suddenly knew I loved more than anything walk away.